Understanding the 3 Forces of Why
LisaMarie • August 23, 2021
Success coach and emotional resilience expert, Suzanne Dudley-Schon shares her brilliance in this week’s Upside Thought.
Suzanne understands that the beingness of leadership matters more than the doingness of leadership.
You can take all of the tactical leadership actions that generate success and not be a leader worth following.
This week, she’s written about examining what matters most and why – one of my favorite topics!
Happy Reading!
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The intention and force in asking “Why” can produce very different results and each holds value.
1) Why as operating system for a person or business.
In the realm of coaching and self-help work, “your personal why” or your business mission “why,” is well understood as a core motivator. When it’s out of alignment with someone’s true principles, it’s like getting directions from the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz or being the scarecrow. Beyond the personal, businesses can flounder if the “why” isn’t clearly defined to function as a unifying system.
When your “why” motivator is aligned with your values, it sources your energy, focuses your action, and helps you stay on point with your bigger objectives and goals. It’s a prime element of self-empowerment.
2) Why of emotion.
When we ask “why?” from an emotional state such as frustration, anger, upset, resentment—it’s often generated from an inner complaint. It can crop up if we’ve encountered something we don’t like, don’t understand, or find unpleasant. It’s reactive in nature and can be infused with a sense of powerlessness. The internal monologue may sound like: “Things shouldn’t be this way. It’s not what I want, it doesn’t feel good, it’s not fair, and I can’t do anything about it.”
Sound familiar? For me it’s my internal self in a fit of pique, stamping my foot on the verge of a meltdown, like a toddler desperate for an ice cream cone when I’ve been told it’s time for a nap.
While this “why” brings forth emotional honesty about how something feels, it’s highly subjective and doesn’t necessarily give an accurate assessment of the actual situation. In the search for truth—there may be countless “emotional truths”.
This why, however, can teach us about ourselves. With reflection we can discover how we respond to pressures or dynamics. We can see and investigate our “buttons/triggers”, notice our behavior, and ask ourselves powerful questions. Why are we upset? Is there something of value to be understood about ourselves or others? Is there something constructive to do? While external, objective answers aren’t necessarily found, there is often valuable, personal insight gained.
3) Why of genuine curiosity.
The why of curiosity is driven by an open mind. Detached from heightened emotions, it tends to be objective and focused on data and a sense of impartiality. The answers to this why bring us to the observable and factual that is generally common to all perspectives. This kind of neutral inquiry provides information from which to make tactical and strategic decisions.
What I find interesting is how each force of why can serve us. It’s a matter of awareness, election, and implementation.
To make decisions it’s best to consider all the why forces influencing us. What is most relevant to the situation. For example, is it a moment to respond more from our hearts and feelings? Or is it an occasion that requires our logical mind? Or a call of our higher purpose? Or a custom blend?
We function best when we are integrated and whole. When making choices from our whole, aware selves, there’s less chance for a tail of regret to follow—that becomes a tale of regret. By slowing down to notice the forces of why, the drivers at play, we equip ourselves well.
ACTION: The Upside Challenge of the week is to take extra time when deciding.
Notice what “why” is at the helm of your choice.
Is it the one aligned with your values?
Is it reactive and full of feelings?
Or objective? To quote the Star Wars movies, “Use the force for good.”
The post Understanding the 3 Forces of Why appeared first on Upside Thinking.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
April 27, 2026
In September 1985 I started my junior year in high school. While I didn't hang out with the most popular bunch, I wasn't considered an outcast either. Perhaps that's one of the places where I learned how to build bridges. Because of it, when I ran for Student Council, much to my own disbelief, I was elected to something. This led to my first official initiation into formal leadership training. While I had taken on roles in school running organizations or organizing projects, this felt like I was officially sanctioned as a leader. I was "doing" leadership. Only leadership isn't something you do, it's something you have to be. You either are a leader or you're not. Lots of folks with titles walk around believing they are a leader or have a lot of knowledge about the topic. Leadership requires wisdom, and wisdom comes from experience. Experience doesn't come from books or even doing. It comes from an inner aptitude when you connect with a purpose that's greater than you. It took me years to understand this ... and many more to be able to share how to get there. That’s the thread that runs through everything I do, including the work we explore in the F Cadre. It’s the work of being the kind of leader who moves life itself. The world will always have opinions about who you should be and what you should chase. And the work that matters asks only that you tune in and follow the pull of what truly matters. Leadership shows up in the person who feels it all, and keeps moving forward. That is where everything worth leading and living begins. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to make space for what truly matters—literally. Declutter one small space today (desk, inbox, calendar) and use that as a literal reflection of making room for what truly matters Let that small act remind you: real leadership, real purpose, and real growth always start in the space you choose to make.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
April 20, 2026
I've had the tendency to idolize my mentors. I would look past their imperfections, wanting only to see goodness in them. Don't make the same mistake I did. Mentors are just imperfect beings on the same journey you're on, and they've gleaned some wisdom from their missteps that can help you advance faster on your journey. That's the benefit of private coaching. And why I offer so little of it. I used to think I wanted to help everyone ... and that everyone had a problem that I could help them solve. That was a bit unrealistic—and dare I say, arrogant. Today I've got clarity around who I will work with—and who I won't. And it has less to do with their personal aptitude and more about their personal attitude towards God and a willingness to understand Divine Right Timing. You can't outgive God. I'm a living proof of that. What I have today did not come from striving harder or positioning myself in the spotlight. It came from obedience layered over time. ~ From saying yes when it was inconvenient. ~ From giving when the numbers did not justify it. ~ From trusting God with my pace, my work, and my future. I own several hundred acres of land across three states—and grew up in a household where money did not flow freely. My first year working in Federal law enforcement I made less than $25,000 a year. There was no visible pathway from there to here. And every time I’ve tried to outwork Him, outmaneuver Him, or rush what wasn’t ripe, I’ve paid for it in exhaustion and misalignment. Yet, every time I’ve trusted Him, honored timing, and given from obedience rather than fear, the return has exceeded anything I could have engineered. Yes, some things don't make sense, yet when you map out a God plan, you don't try to do all of the heavy lifting yourself. And that takes a different kind of Leader. Someone who doesn't need to be on center stage 24x7. That’s the framework I lead from. That’s the lens I coach through. Because the world needs you and your brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to give God room to lead. Look at one area of your work or leadership where you’ve been forcing results. Stop trying to control it. Step back and ask God to guide your next move. Take one real action: delegate, pause before deciding, or simply wait on His direction. Watch how alignment show up when you stop doing all the heavy lifting yourself. Lastly, share what you discover with me, your mentor, or someone close to you. Speaking it aloud helps you see your next move clearly and step into it with confidence.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
April 13, 2026
Are you thinking of how your choices today are affecting future generations? As someone who doesn't have kids, this used to rarely be on my radar. Yet your choice to bring to life the work that you're called to do will impact the future of your lineage—and folks you've never met. What story will you create based on the choices you make today? See, you create your legacy with the choices that you make right now. The long-lasting impact of your actions can leave behind creations that are innovative and impactful. Take for example the 13-year-old kid who decided to leave a happy note in every bag at the grocery store, just to create a little more cheer in the world. That's legacy. Or what about the kid who practiced free throws every night after school for 3 hours—and then went on to lead his team to the championship in his senior year in college. That's legacy. I remember a few years ago, I hired someone to organize the SOPs and processes for my company. At the time, it felt like a lot of extra work and I wondered if it was worth it. Years later, that choice made everything flow smoother, less rushed, and allowed me and my team to focus on the work we were truly called to do. That’s legacy. Leadership is, as much about what you do in the here and now as it is about legacy for future generations to come. Every one of these moments, big or small, ripples far beyond what you can see today. Each day, each decision plants seeds for generations we may never meet. Tend them with care, with intention, and with faith, trusting that what you do today becomes the foundation for what is possible tomorrow. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to build for someone you will never meet. Choose one action this week that will not benefit you immediately. It could be documenting a process so someone else can lead more easily. Or speaking encouragement that strengthens someone’s confidence long after the moment passes. Or making a decision that protects the future even when the present would prefer convenience. As you do it, hold this prayer quietly, “May this serve beyond me.” Release the outcome. This is leadership that thinks generationally.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
April 6, 2026
Divine obedience. I can't say for most of my life I understood what it meant. To be in the listening to where God wants me to be requires choosing to have enough time and space to listen. Yet I've always been rewarded by doing things quickly. Time and space seemed unnecessary. Or they were needed for folks who didn't learn or pick something up as fast as I did. When I type that now, I almost cringe. "Be still—and know that I am God." It is in the stillness, the soft whisper, that I often get to meet God. And that was elusive for big chunks of time in my life. I'd be running from one event to the next ... running from one opportunity and experience, and often get there out of breath, only to head out again on what I told myself was the next adventure. Rarely did I ever stop and consider where God wanted to lead me. Rarely did my leadership include Him. Rarely did I end up someplace refreshed and renewed—and at peace. Looking back, I can see the patterns that ran my life, and how far away from divine obedience they were. Yet that's what free will is about. The ability to choose. With intention. When you listen to the world's ways, you'll always end up depleted because you're never doing enough. Divine obedience has you listen, and carve out a path of peace and ease. That doesn't mean everything will go your way. Far from it. It does mean that you get to walk every moment stress-free. Even when it looks like everything around you is crashing down. I've lived through fires, floods, and tornados ... and walked away unscathed. I'm not sure the odds of doing this are even possible, let alone probable. Yet here I am. In the midst of the storm, and there will always be a storm, your leadership will ensure you walk on water or drown. With divine obedience, the former is a guarantee. And I gotta tell you that writing all of this out feels scary. For decades, I've been celebrated for my left-brain business mind ... the part of me that doesn't let emotion or things like faith get in the way of building a business with a sound strategy, processes, and standard operating procedures. I can—and have—helped scale hundreds of businesses to reach the elusive 7-figure mark in business, and I still do that in my work today. Yet, today I don't do it without taking everything to prayer. You may have met me when that wasn't how I operated, and my current business model doesn't work for you. And I get that. I just can no longer pretend that I'm somebody that I'm not. I take a fierce stand for my clients and their success—and for me, that involves taking every problem and challenge they face to God first. Together, we create a solution that is designed for the betterment of mankind —and includes everyone in their life. Again, I don't love talking about this. And, it's my Truth. So, how often do you stop and listen to where God is trying to lead you? ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to create space before you create movement. Choose one moment each day where you would normally push ahead. And instead of doing, stop. Sit in stillness for three minutes and invite God into the moment. Ask, “What is mine to do right now?” Wait. Take only the next faithful step you sense. This is divine obedience practiced daily. Calm leadership that walks on water.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
April 27, 2026
In September 1985 I started my junior year in high school. While I didn't hang out with the most popular bunch, I wasn't considered an outcast either. Perhaps that's one of the places where I learned how to build bridges. Because of it, when I ran for Student Council, much to my own disbelief, I was elected to something. This led to my first official initiation into formal leadership training. While I had taken on roles in school running organizations or organizing projects, this felt like I was officially sanctioned as a leader. I was "doing" leadership. Only leadership isn't something you do, it's something you have to be. You either are a leader or you're not. Lots of folks with titles walk around believing they are a leader or have a lot of knowledge about the topic. Leadership requires wisdom, and wisdom comes from experience. Experience doesn't come from books or even doing. It comes from an inner aptitude when you connect with a purpose that's greater than you. It took me years to understand this ... and many more to be able to share how to get there. That’s the thread that runs through everything I do, including the work we explore in the F Cadre. It’s the work of being the kind of leader who moves life itself. The world will always have opinions about who you should be and what you should chase. And the work that matters asks only that you tune in and follow the pull of what truly matters. Leadership shows up in the person who feels it all, and keeps moving forward. That is where everything worth leading and living begins. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to make space for what truly matters—literally. Declutter one small space today (desk, inbox, calendar) and use that as a literal reflection of making room for what truly matters Let that small act remind you: real leadership, real purpose, and real growth always start in the space you choose to make.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
April 20, 2026
I've had the tendency to idolize my mentors. I would look past their imperfections, wanting only to see goodness in them. Don't make the same mistake I did. Mentors are just imperfect beings on the same journey you're on, and they've gleaned some wisdom from their missteps that can help you advance faster on your journey. That's the benefit of private coaching. And why I offer so little of it. I used to think I wanted to help everyone ... and that everyone had a problem that I could help them solve. That was a bit unrealistic—and dare I say, arrogant. Today I've got clarity around who I will work with—and who I won't. And it has less to do with their personal aptitude and more about their personal attitude towards God and a willingness to understand Divine Right Timing. You can't outgive God. I'm a living proof of that. What I have today did not come from striving harder or positioning myself in the spotlight. It came from obedience layered over time. ~ From saying yes when it was inconvenient. ~ From giving when the numbers did not justify it. ~ From trusting God with my pace, my work, and my future. I own several hundred acres of land across three states—and grew up in a household where money did not flow freely. My first year working in Federal law enforcement I made less than $25,000 a year. There was no visible pathway from there to here. And every time I’ve tried to outwork Him, outmaneuver Him, or rush what wasn’t ripe, I’ve paid for it in exhaustion and misalignment. Yet, every time I’ve trusted Him, honored timing, and given from obedience rather than fear, the return has exceeded anything I could have engineered. Yes, some things don't make sense, yet when you map out a God plan, you don't try to do all of the heavy lifting yourself. And that takes a different kind of Leader. Someone who doesn't need to be on center stage 24x7. That’s the framework I lead from. That’s the lens I coach through. Because the world needs you and your brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to give God room to lead. Look at one area of your work or leadership where you’ve been forcing results. Stop trying to control it. Step back and ask God to guide your next move. Take one real action: delegate, pause before deciding, or simply wait on His direction. Watch how alignment show up when you stop doing all the heavy lifting yourself. Lastly, share what you discover with me, your mentor, or someone close to you. Speaking it aloud helps you see your next move clearly and step into it with confidence.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
April 13, 2026
Are you thinking of how your choices today are affecting future generations? As someone who doesn't have kids, this used to rarely be on my radar. Yet your choice to bring to life the work that you're called to do will impact the future of your lineage—and folks you've never met. What story will you create based on the choices you make today? See, you create your legacy with the choices that you make right now. The long-lasting impact of your actions can leave behind creations that are innovative and impactful. Take for example the 13-year-old kid who decided to leave a happy note in every bag at the grocery store, just to create a little more cheer in the world. That's legacy. Or what about the kid who practiced free throws every night after school for 3 hours—and then went on to lead his team to the championship in his senior year in college. That's legacy. I remember a few years ago, I hired someone to organize the SOPs and processes for my company. At the time, it felt like a lot of extra work and I wondered if it was worth it. Years later, that choice made everything flow smoother, less rushed, and allowed me and my team to focus on the work we were truly called to do. That’s legacy. Leadership is, as much about what you do in the here and now as it is about legacy for future generations to come. Every one of these moments, big or small, ripples far beyond what you can see today. Each day, each decision plants seeds for generations we may never meet. Tend them with care, with intention, and with faith, trusting that what you do today becomes the foundation for what is possible tomorrow. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to build for someone you will never meet. Choose one action this week that will not benefit you immediately. It could be documenting a process so someone else can lead more easily. Or speaking encouragement that strengthens someone’s confidence long after the moment passes. Or making a decision that protects the future even when the present would prefer convenience. As you do it, hold this prayer quietly, “May this serve beyond me.” Release the outcome. This is leadership that thinks generationally.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
April 6, 2026
Divine obedience. I can't say for most of my life I understood what it meant. To be in the listening to where God wants me to be requires choosing to have enough time and space to listen. Yet I've always been rewarded by doing things quickly. Time and space seemed unnecessary. Or they were needed for folks who didn't learn or pick something up as fast as I did. When I type that now, I almost cringe. "Be still—and know that I am God." It is in the stillness, the soft whisper, that I often get to meet God. And that was elusive for big chunks of time in my life. I'd be running from one event to the next ... running from one opportunity and experience, and often get there out of breath, only to head out again on what I told myself was the next adventure. Rarely did I ever stop and consider where God wanted to lead me. Rarely did my leadership include Him. Rarely did I end up someplace refreshed and renewed—and at peace. Looking back, I can see the patterns that ran my life, and how far away from divine obedience they were. Yet that's what free will is about. The ability to choose. With intention. When you listen to the world's ways, you'll always end up depleted because you're never doing enough. Divine obedience has you listen, and carve out a path of peace and ease. That doesn't mean everything will go your way. Far from it. It does mean that you get to walk every moment stress-free. Even when it looks like everything around you is crashing down. I've lived through fires, floods, and tornados ... and walked away unscathed. I'm not sure the odds of doing this are even possible, let alone probable. Yet here I am. In the midst of the storm, and there will always be a storm, your leadership will ensure you walk on water or drown. With divine obedience, the former is a guarantee. And I gotta tell you that writing all of this out feels scary. For decades, I've been celebrated for my left-brain business mind ... the part of me that doesn't let emotion or things like faith get in the way of building a business with a sound strategy, processes, and standard operating procedures. I can—and have—helped scale hundreds of businesses to reach the elusive 7-figure mark in business, and I still do that in my work today. Yet, today I don't do it without taking everything to prayer. You may have met me when that wasn't how I operated, and my current business model doesn't work for you. And I get that. I just can no longer pretend that I'm somebody that I'm not. I take a fierce stand for my clients and their success—and for me, that involves taking every problem and challenge they face to God first. Together, we create a solution that is designed for the betterment of mankind —and includes everyone in their life. Again, I don't love talking about this. And, it's my Truth. So, how often do you stop and listen to where God is trying to lead you? ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to create space before you create movement. Choose one moment each day where you would normally push ahead. And instead of doing, stop. Sit in stillness for three minutes and invite God into the moment. Ask, “What is mine to do right now?” Wait. Take only the next faithful step you sense. This is divine obedience practiced daily. Calm leadership that walks on water.
