0
Blog Layout
Understanding the 3 Forces of Why
LisaMarie • Aug 23, 2021
Success coach and emotional resilience expert, Suzanne Dudley-Schon shares her brilliance in this week’s Upside Thought.
Suzanne understands that the beingness of leadership matters more than the doingness of leadership.
You can take all of the tactical leadership actions that generate success and not be a leader worth following.
This week, she’s written about examining what matters most and why – one of my favorite topics!
Happy Reading!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The intention and force in asking “Why” can produce very different results and each holds value.
1) Why as operating system for a person or business.
In the realm of coaching and self-help work, “your personal why” or your business mission “why,” is well understood as a core motivator. When it’s out of alignment with someone’s true principles, it’s like getting directions from the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz or being the scarecrow. Beyond the personal, businesses can flounder if the “why” isn’t clearly defined to function as a unifying system.
When your “why” motivator is aligned with your values, it sources your energy, focuses your action, and helps you stay on point with your bigger objectives and goals. It’s a prime element of self-empowerment.
2) Why of emotion.
When we ask “why?” from an emotional state such as frustration, anger, upset, resentment—it’s often generated from an inner complaint. It can crop up if we’ve encountered something we don’t like, don’t understand, or find unpleasant. It’s reactive in nature and can be infused with a sense of powerlessness. The internal monologue may sound like: “Things shouldn’t be this way. It’s not what I want, it doesn’t feel good, it’s not fair, and I can’t do anything about it.”
Sound familiar? For me it’s my internal self in a fit of pique, stamping my foot on the verge of a meltdown, like a toddler desperate for an ice cream cone when I’ve been told it’s time for a nap.
While this “why” brings forth emotional honesty about how something feels, it’s highly subjective and doesn’t necessarily give an accurate assessment of the actual situation. In the search for truth—there may be countless “emotional truths”.
This why, however, can teach us about ourselves. With reflection we can discover how we respond to pressures or dynamics. We can see and investigate our “buttons/triggers”, notice our behavior, and ask ourselves powerful questions. Why are we upset? Is there something of value to be understood about ourselves or others? Is there something constructive to do? While external, objective answers aren’t necessarily found, there is often valuable, personal insight gained.
3) Why of genuine curiosity.
The why of curiosity is driven by an open mind. Detached from heightened emotions, it tends to be objective and focused on data and a sense of impartiality. The answers to this why bring us to the observable and factual that is generally common to all perspectives. This kind of neutral inquiry provides information from which to make tactical and strategic decisions.
What I find interesting is how each force of why can serve us. It’s a matter of awareness, election, and implementation.
To make decisions it’s best to consider all the why forces influencing us. What is most relevant to the situation. For example, is it a moment to respond more from our hearts and feelings? Or is it an occasion that requires our logical mind? Or a call of our higher purpose? Or a custom blend?
We function best when we are integrated and whole. When making choices from our whole, aware selves, there’s less chance for a tail of regret to follow—that becomes a tale of regret. By slowing down to notice the forces of why, the drivers at play, we equip ourselves well.
ACTION: The Upside Challenge of the week is to take extra time when deciding.
Notice what “why” is at the helm of your choice.
Is it the one aligned with your values?
Is it reactive and full of feelings?
Or objective? To quote the Star Wars movies, “Use the force for good.”
The post Understanding the 3 Forces of Why appeared first on Upside Thinking.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
15 Apr, 2024
Most folks don't run out of the gate towards hard things. It's easier to take the path that feels safe, which is why it's called a "comfort zone." Yet, struggle and challenges are what bring the greatest level of personal satisfaction. This is a dilemma for most folks... my clients and myself included. When I began asking myself the question, " What will allow me to be incredibly uncomfortable today? " and running towards that, my life shifted. That doesn't mean I go out of my way to create pain or discomfort. Rather, I push my growth edges understanding their purpose and their value when hard shows up in my life. To do this, I make what matters most to me visible -- something so it's top of mind -- and continue moving towards it. The saying, "out of sight, out of mind" rings true. When you have a physical reminder of what matters most, it serves as a beacon reminding you of who you are and the importance of why you need to shine the light you have inside you brightly. This invitation is to ensure you remain aligned with who you say you are. In my recent prayer time, I heard the Holy Spirit instructing me to "organize my day." Yet this message was not only about putting one task in front of another, but rather the value of me walking the journey of life with intention. You don't have to see all of the steps to get what you want or where you want to go. You do have to identify the first step to take. And then the one after that. When you're clear on the next right thing to do, it's easier to jump into action. Over time, I've discovered that my actions are often messy, and while imperfect action is better than no action at all, I could have avoided some pitfalls along the way. Again, I'm not interested in creating discomfort, but I'm interested in orienting my next steps so that when hard does show up, I'm prepared. Make your list. Start with one action. ~ Write who you are. ~ Write down what you want. ~ Write down why it matters. Leave yourself notes or calendar pings. Remind yourself you can do hard things. Because... the world needs you and your brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to identify one "growth edge" area of discomfort that you have been avoiding, and take a small step towards leaning into it. Maybe it's having a difficult conversation, putting yourself out there in a new way, or starting a project you've been procrastinating on. Get specific about what growth opportunity has been lingering in your comfort zone. Once you pinpoint the area, schedule a dedicated 1-hour block this week to take one small, imperfect action towards that uncomfortable growth edge. Repeat this "leaning into discomfort" practice weekly or monthly. The more you make discomfort a chosen ally for growth rather than a threat, the more your brilliance expands. The world needs courageous leaders like you who walk towards their edges.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
08 Apr, 2024
I once preached the virtue of courage while living a life that screamed otherwise. Sure, I believed in the idea of courageous leadership, being your own boss, and achieving success independently. Yet, I'd never experienced it. During my 24x7 government job days, I enjoyed the perks of a steady paycheck, job security, and benefits. I spent time thinking about my next pay increase, how much leave I could save, and when I'd be promoted again. My life was in someone else's hands. After getting married in November of 2004, I stood at a crossroads with an opportunity to decide what I wanted to do for my career all over again. I enjoyed working in Federal law enforcement. It was familiar and had job security and all the overtime I wanted. When I decided to walk away, folks thought I was crazy. Why leave the comfort of a steady paycheck to the unknown?!? To nothing? Over time, I learned why entrepreneurship is not for everyone. Early on, I struggled with believing I could do this business. Every day felt uncertain, and I had many sleepless nights wondering if I wouldn't take us to the cliff of financial ruin. Jim got tired of talking me off the ledge so one day he put his foot down and said, " This is the last time we're gonna have this conversation. Either do it or get a job. " Eeek. That moment created a shift in me. A fundamental transformation of heart and mind. Why am I sharing this with you? Some things you have to experience and live through. Understanding a truth that is heard - and told to you by someone else - is not always the same as a truth that is lived. When you choose experience over what you've heard, it's a different life. Have you experienced all that you tell yourself and others that you believe? Or, are you simply an echo chamber of what you've heard others say?!? Evaluate your beliefs. Evaluate where they come from. Evaluate them based on who you are. Base your truth on personal experience because when you live what you believe, your life will change. For the better. And that's when you'll discover what and who are trustworthy. Go shine your light. Because The World Needs You... and Your Brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to identify one core belief or value that you have simply inherited from others rather than cultivated through personal experience. Spend some time in honest self-reflection. Which of your stated beliefs around relationships, career, spirituality, etc. have you truly put to the test of real-world application? Where might you be an "echo chamber"? Once you pinpoint an inherited belief you want to validate, make a plan to put it into practice through direct experience this week. For example, if you believe strongly in generosity and have not practiced radical giving - donate time or money in a way that stretches you. The world needs more leaders like you willing to walk their talk with empowering beliefs and values.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
04 Apr, 2024
Do you have a clear plan for your life in place? Most folks don't. They wake up every day and run on auto-pilot -- and it's often a bit like Groundhog Day. ~ Brush teeth. Check. ~ Comb hair. Check. ~ Go to work. Check. ~ Make dinner. Check. ~ Go to sleep. Check. The world is filled with folks who will go their whole lives and not live one day. And, for those that have a clear plan, it's not always aligned with their values or mission. See, your plan for life operates as a roadmap. It ensures the destination has clear steps mapped out so you get where you want to go in the short-term and long-term. A clear plan is more than an idea. It's written down with a core why and answers the questions: - Who am I? - What do I want? - Why does it matter? And that's also the foundation of the Divine Operating System. Over the years, I've had folks ask me how I've been able to do so much. Understanding the answers to these questions is how. And here's a real-life example... One of my clients wanted to climb Mount Everest. When I asked why, his answer moved me to tears. "To save lives." He was doing it as a fundraiser for those who couldn't ever reach the peak, and as a way to inspire and challenge those in his life. It's that level of clarity that fuels the fire of the passion that is your Divine mission. Some days it feels as if life is coming at me from all angles, and I can't keep up. Yet, when I go back to what's most important - my Divine mission -- I am able to refuel and take the next inspired action. Answer those three questions and let your light shine brightly. Because The World Needs You and Your Brilliance. Now more than ever. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to identify one passion pursuit that ignites your "Divine mission" and plan how to devote more time to it. Think about what interests, hobbies or causes light up your deeper "why" - the motivating reason you want to make a difference in the world. Once you've chosen this passion aligned with your Divine mission, block off 2-3 hours this week dedicated solely to engaging in that activity. Treat it as an important step towards realizing your vision. Afterwards, reflect on how you can proactively make more room for this activity in your regular schedule going forward. The world needs more leaders like you operating in full alignment with their brilliance and life's deeper "why".
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
01 Apr, 2024
"You're never gonna get it right. You should just quit." Sometimes I hear the voice of my former co-worker echoing in my head, trying to hijack my day. He would say mean things to me every day, hoping to see me break. Yet he had no idea that the words he spoke were no match to what I dealt with as a kid when it felt as if I was at war with myself. "Maybe I just need to try harder. To buckle down. To focus. Then again, why bother? You'll never get it right anyway." Today, the lies in my head that were designed to keep me from believing in the life I saw as possible, the one that I'm already living, have less power over me. Those voices are the daily battle many of my clients and colleagues face. It was exceptionally challenging for me. I asked myself the questions I often ask them: "Is this the thing that you'll let take you out? Or, will you stand strong, and rise yet again?!?" Because it's always a choice. And despite all stacked against me, I chose the latter. Remember... the world needs you and your brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to challenge yourself to catch and replace negative thoughts with affirmations. Whenever you hear a critical voice in your head like “ you never do it right ” and “ just quit ” stop and notice that thought. Once you've acknowledged the negative thought, consciously reframe it with empowering affirmations such as: ~ “I have the strength to keep going.,” ~ “I’m moving forward one step at a time.” This practice reprograms your mindset from limitation and lack to one of opportunity and faith. Your brilliance shines brighter when you build an unshakeable positive mindset. Do this - and be a bit kinder to yourself.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
15 Apr, 2024
Most folks don't run out of the gate towards hard things. It's easier to take the path that feels safe, which is why it's called a "comfort zone." Yet, struggle and challenges are what bring the greatest level of personal satisfaction. This is a dilemma for most folks... my clients and myself included. When I began asking myself the question, " What will allow me to be incredibly uncomfortable today? " and running towards that, my life shifted. That doesn't mean I go out of my way to create pain or discomfort. Rather, I push my growth edges understanding their purpose and their value when hard shows up in my life. To do this, I make what matters most to me visible -- something so it's top of mind -- and continue moving towards it. The saying, "out of sight, out of mind" rings true. When you have a physical reminder of what matters most, it serves as a beacon reminding you of who you are and the importance of why you need to shine the light you have inside you brightly. This invitation is to ensure you remain aligned with who you say you are. In my recent prayer time, I heard the Holy Spirit instructing me to "organize my day." Yet this message was not only about putting one task in front of another, but rather the value of me walking the journey of life with intention. You don't have to see all of the steps to get what you want or where you want to go. You do have to identify the first step to take. And then the one after that. When you're clear on the next right thing to do, it's easier to jump into action. Over time, I've discovered that my actions are often messy, and while imperfect action is better than no action at all, I could have avoided some pitfalls along the way. Again, I'm not interested in creating discomfort, but I'm interested in orienting my next steps so that when hard does show up, I'm prepared. Make your list. Start with one action. ~ Write who you are. ~ Write down what you want. ~ Write down why it matters. Leave yourself notes or calendar pings. Remind yourself you can do hard things. Because... the world needs you and your brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to identify one "growth edge" area of discomfort that you have been avoiding, and take a small step towards leaning into it. Maybe it's having a difficult conversation, putting yourself out there in a new way, or starting a project you've been procrastinating on. Get specific about what growth opportunity has been lingering in your comfort zone. Once you pinpoint the area, schedule a dedicated 1-hour block this week to take one small, imperfect action towards that uncomfortable growth edge. Repeat this "leaning into discomfort" practice weekly or monthly. The more you make discomfort a chosen ally for growth rather than a threat, the more your brilliance expands. The world needs courageous leaders like you who walk towards their edges.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
08 Apr, 2024
I once preached the virtue of courage while living a life that screamed otherwise. Sure, I believed in the idea of courageous leadership, being your own boss, and achieving success independently. Yet, I'd never experienced it. During my 24x7 government job days, I enjoyed the perks of a steady paycheck, job security, and benefits. I spent time thinking about my next pay increase, how much leave I could save, and when I'd be promoted again. My life was in someone else's hands. After getting married in November of 2004, I stood at a crossroads with an opportunity to decide what I wanted to do for my career all over again. I enjoyed working in Federal law enforcement. It was familiar and had job security and all the overtime I wanted. When I decided to walk away, folks thought I was crazy. Why leave the comfort of a steady paycheck to the unknown?!? To nothing? Over time, I learned why entrepreneurship is not for everyone. Early on, I struggled with believing I could do this business. Every day felt uncertain, and I had many sleepless nights wondering if I wouldn't take us to the cliff of financial ruin. Jim got tired of talking me off the ledge so one day he put his foot down and said, " This is the last time we're gonna have this conversation. Either do it or get a job. " Eeek. That moment created a shift in me. A fundamental transformation of heart and mind. Why am I sharing this with you? Some things you have to experience and live through. Understanding a truth that is heard - and told to you by someone else - is not always the same as a truth that is lived. When you choose experience over what you've heard, it's a different life. Have you experienced all that you tell yourself and others that you believe? Or, are you simply an echo chamber of what you've heard others say?!? Evaluate your beliefs. Evaluate where they come from. Evaluate them based on who you are. Base your truth on personal experience because when you live what you believe, your life will change. For the better. And that's when you'll discover what and who are trustworthy. Go shine your light. Because The World Needs You... and Your Brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to identify one core belief or value that you have simply inherited from others rather than cultivated through personal experience. Spend some time in honest self-reflection. Which of your stated beliefs around relationships, career, spirituality, etc. have you truly put to the test of real-world application? Where might you be an "echo chamber"? Once you pinpoint an inherited belief you want to validate, make a plan to put it into practice through direct experience this week. For example, if you believe strongly in generosity and have not practiced radical giving - donate time or money in a way that stretches you. The world needs more leaders like you willing to walk their talk with empowering beliefs and values.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
04 Apr, 2024
Do you have a clear plan for your life in place? Most folks don't. They wake up every day and run on auto-pilot -- and it's often a bit like Groundhog Day. ~ Brush teeth. Check. ~ Comb hair. Check. ~ Go to work. Check. ~ Make dinner. Check. ~ Go to sleep. Check. The world is filled with folks who will go their whole lives and not live one day. And, for those that have a clear plan, it's not always aligned with their values or mission. See, your plan for life operates as a roadmap. It ensures the destination has clear steps mapped out so you get where you want to go in the short-term and long-term. A clear plan is more than an idea. It's written down with a core why and answers the questions: - Who am I? - What do I want? - Why does it matter? And that's also the foundation of the Divine Operating System. Over the years, I've had folks ask me how I've been able to do so much. Understanding the answers to these questions is how. And here's a real-life example... One of my clients wanted to climb Mount Everest. When I asked why, his answer moved me to tears. "To save lives." He was doing it as a fundraiser for those who couldn't ever reach the peak, and as a way to inspire and challenge those in his life. It's that level of clarity that fuels the fire of the passion that is your Divine mission. Some days it feels as if life is coming at me from all angles, and I can't keep up. Yet, when I go back to what's most important - my Divine mission -- I am able to refuel and take the next inspired action. Answer those three questions and let your light shine brightly. Because The World Needs You and Your Brilliance. Now more than ever. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to identify one passion pursuit that ignites your "Divine mission" and plan how to devote more time to it. Think about what interests, hobbies or causes light up your deeper "why" - the motivating reason you want to make a difference in the world. Once you've chosen this passion aligned with your Divine mission, block off 2-3 hours this week dedicated solely to engaging in that activity. Treat it as an important step towards realizing your vision. Afterwards, reflect on how you can proactively make more room for this activity in your regular schedule going forward. The world needs more leaders like you operating in full alignment with their brilliance and life's deeper "why".
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
01 Apr, 2024
"You're never gonna get it right. You should just quit." Sometimes I hear the voice of my former co-worker echoing in my head, trying to hijack my day. He would say mean things to me every day, hoping to see me break. Yet he had no idea that the words he spoke were no match to what I dealt with as a kid when it felt as if I was at war with myself. "Maybe I just need to try harder. To buckle down. To focus. Then again, why bother? You'll never get it right anyway." Today, the lies in my head that were designed to keep me from believing in the life I saw as possible, the one that I'm already living, have less power over me. Those voices are the daily battle many of my clients and colleagues face. It was exceptionally challenging for me. I asked myself the questions I often ask them: "Is this the thing that you'll let take you out? Or, will you stand strong, and rise yet again?!?" Because it's always a choice. And despite all stacked against me, I chose the latter. Remember... the world needs you and your brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to challenge yourself to catch and replace negative thoughts with affirmations. Whenever you hear a critical voice in your head like “ you never do it right ” and “ just quit ” stop and notice that thought. Once you've acknowledged the negative thought, consciously reframe it with empowering affirmations such as: ~ “I have the strength to keep going.,” ~ “I’m moving forward one step at a time.” This practice reprograms your mindset from limitation and lack to one of opportunity and faith. Your brilliance shines brighter when you build an unshakeable positive mindset. Do this - and be a bit kinder to yourself.
Upside Your Business & Your Life!
