Are You “Golding”?

Lisa Marie Platske • March 27, 2018

 

I’ve identified three spaces where someone can operate that will keep them out of being courageous, vulnerable leader.


Take a look


Over the past 18 months, I’ve been stepping more into the arena of speaking about vulnerability in leadership.


I hired Susan Kerby, speaker coach extraordinaire, to work with me to craft a talk that was both meaningful and clarified what vulnerability is and isn’t.


My presentation also included how to create more transparency in your personal and professional life as this has been my personal journey over the past 5 years.


vulnerable leader - Upside Thinking


Vulnerability isn’t simply being visible, open, or even strong, however, it is part of being a courageous leader worth following.


When I speak about courageous leadership coupled with vulnerability, I talk about the importance of engaging in healthy vs. unhealthy relationship patterns at home and at work.


I’ve identified three spaces where someone can operate that will keep them out of being courageous, vulnerable leader.


These three places are:


1.Holding: When you are in holding, you’re standing your ground.

You’re closed off and in attack mode, ready to strike at any moment. Because you feel as if your back is against the wall, you cannot really hear what is being said to you or why it is being said. You’ve dug your heels in the ground and aren’t going to budge.


2.Bolding: When you are in bolding, you assume a “command and control” leadership stance where you believe you have to do it all by yourself.

You take full responsibility for everything around you even if it isn’t yours to take on.


This is the place where perfectionism lives.


In this place, you may be attached to being seen a certain way i.e. having it all together so that you’re not perceived as weak or emotional


3.Folding: When you are in folding, you breakdown.

In this space, you become angry, bitter or regret your actions – and pull back.


Because you believe you should have been nicer, kinder, or shown up differently and you didn’t, you make yourself smaller and usually do it with heaps of guilt or shame.


What’s fascinating about these relationship patterns is that when you’re in them you may not even realize it.


This is why self-awareness is the first area to master within personal competence (handling ourselves) when seeking to be more emotionally intelligent.


Self-awareness is simply understanding one’s internal state(s), preferences, resources, and intuitions.


Recent studies have shown that emotional competence is twice as important as technical competence for mid-level executives.


And, for top executives, 90% success comes from emotional competency which is another reason why this is important.


So, were is the sweet spot, the place where you get to just share yourself as you are?


I like to call that the Gold.


4.Golding: When you are “golding” (my made-up word… ☺) you are genuine, authentic, true-to-you, sincere, and unapologetic about how you feel and why.

You’re in an honest relationship with yourself which allows you to then be in real relationship with others.


You are able to acknowledge where you are – and speak from that place.


When I worked in the government and sat down with an employee to discuss their poor performance, it wasn’t about expressing my anger about how their behavior disrespected me, their supervisor.


It was about the facts — what I noticed, how the office was impacted, and what the consequences would be if the set expectation wasn’t met in the future.


Sometimes there were tears and other times there was fist-pounding.


And, I was able to meet them both by staying in the moment.


When you are in the gold or golding, you get to just be.


My research in this area came from my own unhealthy behavioral patterns within my family – and wanting to shift so that I could step into being a transformational leader that was worth following both in an out of my business.


How could I do this when I would vacillate back and forth from holding, bolding, and folding – feeling badly about my interactions with others?


I would take a stand and then apologize, never speaking my truth.


I would create stories in my head about what I should have said and why.


And, sometimes I would say things that were unkind where I was the one that paid the consequences.


Learning that there was another way has been part of my journey – and while I still can slip into these patters, I am much more aware.


“Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.”


What you give is what you get back in return.


The most important reason for me sharing this Upside Thought this week is so that you can examine your own relationship patterns.


  • Are they healthy or unhealthy?
  • Do you slip into holding, bolding, or folding more often than you would like?
  • What is your biggest struggle with being able to shift into “golding”?
  • 

And, if you’ve mastered this, I congratulate you!


In the end, there is only one you.


One brilliant you.


And, the world doesn’t get to see just how shiny and brilliant you are when you’re tied up in one of these patterns.


Action:

The Upside Challenge of the week is to reach out to someone you dislike whom you believe also dislikes you – or someone you’ve been harboring anger in your heart. Send them a message of love, mercy, forgiveness, and kindness – and release anything that would keep you from being a beacon of light into the world.


It was never about them anyway.


People follow the person first and then their great plan – and for a reason.


The world needs you and your brilliance.


The post Are You “Golding”? appeared first on Upside Thinking.

The Cost of Complication in Leadership

By Lisa Marie Platske • April 21, 2025
For years, I hung around with folks who told me I had to build an empire. And to build an empire, I needed: More clients More employees More products More space More revenue More choices Because this is what success looks like. Yet, it really was just more complication. And it made me dread doing the work that I once loved. Over time, I got the "more" I really needed was focus… and belief in God's grace and favor. I've been in a season of letting go. 100% of what I'm doing has been under examination for about 15 months. I've been looking at all the areas that may be costing me money, time, and energy I don’t need to spend. I've said good-bye to entire product lines, software, and processes. I've also been purging what’s in my home and closet, examining the clothes in my wardrobe, and what’s in the garage and barn. All of this has allowed me to untether from what I own. None of these things define me. When I left federal law enforcement, I remember feeling lost. I turned in my badge, my gun, and what felt like my identity. I am not my business, my sales, my revenue, -- or even my profits. The focus has been to simplify — and not add more "stuff" to my life. I've got folks who come to me with: Complicated systems Employee hassles Warehouse worries ... ... and more line items than in a Senate appropriations bill. And there's some value they get from having a business that looks like that. What do you get from creating complexity in your life?!? I promise you that you get something. The questions I've been asking myself louder every day are: ~ "Does this get me closer to living out my Divine mission?" ~ "Does this allow me to be a greater force for good on the planet?" If the answer is no, it's got to go. I see too many leaders carrying weight they were never meant to carry, overwhelmed by things that were never theirs to hold. They know something needs to shift, and they don’t step back long enough to make it happen. That’s why I’m intentional about creating space for leaders to reset and realign. Because clarity doesn’t come from doing more—it comes from stripping away the unnecessary. If you’ve been feeling that nudge to step away from the noise and get clear on what actually matters, consider scheduling a Private, Leadership retreat at Summit Hills Farm. I have a limited number of private retreat days available for 2025.  ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to identify one thing adding complexity without real value. Ask yourself: Does this align with my Divine mission? Is it making a real impact? Would letting go create more space for what matters? If not, release it. Less clutter, more clarity. Less doing, more purpose. The world doesn’t need more of your stuff—it needs you.

Are You Ready to Lead with Clarity?

By Lisa Marie Platske • April 18, 2025
Hope isn't a strategy. You can’t hope your way into a better job, career, or business. You can’t hope your way into a better relationship. And you can’t hope your way into a better life. I've watched people who "hope" others will trust them enough to do business with them. Or hire them for their dream job. Or "hope" that the most talented people out there will want to work with them in their company. Or "hope" that the man or woman of their dreams will show up on their doorstep and ask them out. Hope is defined as a "feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen." When invest time to get clear about who you are, what you want, and why it matters, it's more than just feeling your desire for something. You spent time, energy, and money creating clarity for your soul. This Upside leadership principle ensures you're not strong in only one area of your life - while being completely out of balance everywhere else. It keeps you from burning out after a year, or even a few. Because operating with clarity, confidence, and strategy ensures you get results that last. And that requires more than just hope. What kind of difference could that type of clarity make for you? If you want to be successful and profitable all areas of your life, this is the work I do so perhaps you're being called to dive in deeper to this community. Because the world needs you at your best. And hope isn’t the way to get there. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to identify one area where you’ve been hoping instead of leading. Where have you been waiting for a breakthrough instead of creating one? Take one decisive action today to move forward. Make the call. Send the email. Have the conversation. Do the work. Because God moves with you when you do.

Step Away from the Noise to Gain Clarity

By Lisa Marie Platske • April 9, 2025
A few years ago, I felt as if I was on a hamster wheel in my business. It seemed as if I was in the same place every morning - and running fast. Maybe you can relate. I knew I needed someone else to take a look and see what I couldn't because I was too close to it. I sought out someone who would let me learn from their mistakes and not have to make them all on my own. That’s one of the greatest benefits of leadership coaching. Can you be a leader without it? Sure. Yet, the odds of you wildly succeeding are stacked against you for so many reasons. And the biggest one is, you will be light-years behind your competitors if you have to make all of the mistakes on your own. You can always benefit from wisdom gained through others' direct experience, thereby saving yourself a great deal of time and energy. And, you never outgrow the need for coaching. For example, although my leadership coaching and consulting give my clients insights into other industries and companies and have them consider questions they may never have thought about, I, too, have undergone gap analyses in my own business. With the help of others, over 15 months, I examined every single activity that every team member did as well as scrutinizing where my time gets INVESTED. I brought in someone to look at processes for operations, and had a firm conduct a financial audit. We re-wrote SOP's (standard operating procedures), streamlined systems, and eliminated duplication. Some of the questions that I asked were: ~ Is this the simplest way to do this? ~ Is this (action, system, app, etc.) truly needed to run the business? ~ Is everyone on the team committed to the mission, values, and vision of Upside Thinking? ~ What can be automated or done differently? ~ What am I missing? While I talk to business owners almost every day with these questions in mind, it was an interesting journey to do this for me and my business and understand how important it is to ensure the people around me are involved in the process despite this being my area of expertise. Sometimes you can’t see what’s in front of you on your own. You have to be willing to see a new perspective. And then you have to be willing to do something about it. Sometimes, you need to step out of your current environment completely to gain the perspective you’re missing. That’s why I create spaces where leaders can reflect, and recalibrate. If this resonates with you, consider signing up for a Private, Leadership Retreat Day at Summit Hills Farm in Richmond, Kentucky. Our Spring and Fall Upside Retreats are already sold out. And I have a limited number of private retreat days available for 2025. Make a plan to reset, gain clarity, and step fully into what’s next for you. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to be committed to personal development, understanding you can't see what's getting in the way on your own. So, where in your business or life do you need outside perspective? Be open to taking action to get the answers needed to move forward with greater ease. Remember, you’re here for a reason… …and the world needs you and your brilliance.

Are You Settling or Stretching?

By Lisa Marie Platske • April 1, 2025
That’s the question, isn’t it? If we’re connected, you’re probably not someone who settles. You stretch yourself regularly, and you know there’s always more to do and be. Yet even the most conscious leaders can fall into the comfort of what’s familiar. It’s easy to mistake movement for progress, busyness for impact, and routine for purpose. Settling doesn’t always look like giving up, it often looks like: ~ Saying “yes” to things that keep you busy and yet you don’t move you forward ... ~ Downplaying your vision because it feels too big or uncertain ... ~ Waiting for clarity instead of creating it through action ... ~ Feeling restless yet unsure how to break through ... It’s not a lack of ambition. Rather, it’s a lack of space to recalibrate, strategize, and listen to what’s next. Stretching requires intention. It means: ~ Surrounding yourself with people who challenge you to expand ~ Creating space for deep, strategic thinking ~ Taking bold action even when the path isn’t fully mapped out ~ Bringing God into the process so you’re aligned, not just accomplished I used to wonder where leaders -- those who wanted to change the world -- went to do this kind of work, to breathe life into their vision and build their next level. When I couldn’t find it, I built it. A space for those who refuse to settle for “someday.” Because when you decide to stretch into your highest calling, clarity follows. And when you surround yourself with others who are doing the same, transformation happens. Where are you stretching next? ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to identify one area where you’ve been holding back, whether it’s speaking up, taking a bold step, or committing fully to your vision, Then take one action today to stretch beyond it. Growth happens when you move past comfort. And the miracle happens after you take the leap of faith.
More Posts

The Cost of Complication in Leadership

By Lisa Marie Platske • April 21, 2025
For years, I hung around with folks who told me I had to build an empire. And to build an empire, I needed: More clients More employees More products More space More revenue More choices Because this is what success looks like. Yet, it really was just more complication. And it made me dread doing the work that I once loved. Over time, I got the "more" I really needed was focus… and belief in God's grace and favor. I've been in a season of letting go. 100% of what I'm doing has been under examination for about 15 months. I've been looking at all the areas that may be costing me money, time, and energy I don’t need to spend. I've said good-bye to entire product lines, software, and processes. I've also been purging what’s in my home and closet, examining the clothes in my wardrobe, and what’s in the garage and barn. All of this has allowed me to untether from what I own. None of these things define me. When I left federal law enforcement, I remember feeling lost. I turned in my badge, my gun, and what felt like my identity. I am not my business, my sales, my revenue, -- or even my profits. The focus has been to simplify — and not add more "stuff" to my life. I've got folks who come to me with: Complicated systems Employee hassles Warehouse worries ... ... and more line items than in a Senate appropriations bill. And there's some value they get from having a business that looks like that. What do you get from creating complexity in your life?!? I promise you that you get something. The questions I've been asking myself louder every day are: ~ "Does this get me closer to living out my Divine mission?" ~ "Does this allow me to be a greater force for good on the planet?" If the answer is no, it's got to go. I see too many leaders carrying weight they were never meant to carry, overwhelmed by things that were never theirs to hold. They know something needs to shift, and they don’t step back long enough to make it happen. That’s why I’m intentional about creating space for leaders to reset and realign. Because clarity doesn’t come from doing more—it comes from stripping away the unnecessary. If you’ve been feeling that nudge to step away from the noise and get clear on what actually matters, consider scheduling a Private, Leadership retreat at Summit Hills Farm. I have a limited number of private retreat days available for 2025.  ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to identify one thing adding complexity without real value. Ask yourself: Does this align with my Divine mission? Is it making a real impact? Would letting go create more space for what matters? If not, release it. Less clutter, more clarity. Less doing, more purpose. The world doesn’t need more of your stuff—it needs you.

Are You Ready to Lead with Clarity?

By Lisa Marie Platske • April 18, 2025
Hope isn't a strategy. You can’t hope your way into a better job, career, or business. You can’t hope your way into a better relationship. And you can’t hope your way into a better life. I've watched people who "hope" others will trust them enough to do business with them. Or hire them for their dream job. Or "hope" that the most talented people out there will want to work with them in their company. Or "hope" that the man or woman of their dreams will show up on their doorstep and ask them out. Hope is defined as a "feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen." When invest time to get clear about who you are, what you want, and why it matters, it's more than just feeling your desire for something. You spent time, energy, and money creating clarity for your soul. This Upside leadership principle ensures you're not strong in only one area of your life - while being completely out of balance everywhere else. It keeps you from burning out after a year, or even a few. Because operating with clarity, confidence, and strategy ensures you get results that last. And that requires more than just hope. What kind of difference could that type of clarity make for you? If you want to be successful and profitable all areas of your life, this is the work I do so perhaps you're being called to dive in deeper to this community. Because the world needs you at your best. And hope isn’t the way to get there. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to identify one area where you’ve been hoping instead of leading. Where have you been waiting for a breakthrough instead of creating one? Take one decisive action today to move forward. Make the call. Send the email. Have the conversation. Do the work. Because God moves with you when you do.

Step Away from the Noise to Gain Clarity

By Lisa Marie Platske • April 9, 2025
A few years ago, I felt as if I was on a hamster wheel in my business. It seemed as if I was in the same place every morning - and running fast. Maybe you can relate. I knew I needed someone else to take a look and see what I couldn't because I was too close to it. I sought out someone who would let me learn from their mistakes and not have to make them all on my own. That’s one of the greatest benefits of leadership coaching. Can you be a leader without it? Sure. Yet, the odds of you wildly succeeding are stacked against you for so many reasons. And the biggest one is, you will be light-years behind your competitors if you have to make all of the mistakes on your own. You can always benefit from wisdom gained through others' direct experience, thereby saving yourself a great deal of time and energy. And, you never outgrow the need for coaching. For example, although my leadership coaching and consulting give my clients insights into other industries and companies and have them consider questions they may never have thought about, I, too, have undergone gap analyses in my own business. With the help of others, over 15 months, I examined every single activity that every team member did as well as scrutinizing where my time gets INVESTED. I brought in someone to look at processes for operations, and had a firm conduct a financial audit. We re-wrote SOP's (standard operating procedures), streamlined systems, and eliminated duplication. Some of the questions that I asked were: ~ Is this the simplest way to do this? ~ Is this (action, system, app, etc.) truly needed to run the business? ~ Is everyone on the team committed to the mission, values, and vision of Upside Thinking? ~ What can be automated or done differently? ~ What am I missing? While I talk to business owners almost every day with these questions in mind, it was an interesting journey to do this for me and my business and understand how important it is to ensure the people around me are involved in the process despite this being my area of expertise. Sometimes you can’t see what’s in front of you on your own. You have to be willing to see a new perspective. And then you have to be willing to do something about it. Sometimes, you need to step out of your current environment completely to gain the perspective you’re missing. That’s why I create spaces where leaders can reflect, and recalibrate. If this resonates with you, consider signing up for a Private, Leadership Retreat Day at Summit Hills Farm in Richmond, Kentucky. Our Spring and Fall Upside Retreats are already sold out. And I have a limited number of private retreat days available for 2025. Make a plan to reset, gain clarity, and step fully into what’s next for you. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to be committed to personal development, understanding you can't see what's getting in the way on your own. So, where in your business or life do you need outside perspective? Be open to taking action to get the answers needed to move forward with greater ease. Remember, you’re here for a reason… …and the world needs you and your brilliance.

Are You Settling or Stretching?

By Lisa Marie Platske • April 1, 2025
That’s the question, isn’t it? If we’re connected, you’re probably not someone who settles. You stretch yourself regularly, and you know there’s always more to do and be. Yet even the most conscious leaders can fall into the comfort of what’s familiar. It’s easy to mistake movement for progress, busyness for impact, and routine for purpose. Settling doesn’t always look like giving up, it often looks like: ~ Saying “yes” to things that keep you busy and yet you don’t move you forward ... ~ Downplaying your vision because it feels too big or uncertain ... ~ Waiting for clarity instead of creating it through action ... ~ Feeling restless yet unsure how to break through ... It’s not a lack of ambition. Rather, it’s a lack of space to recalibrate, strategize, and listen to what’s next. Stretching requires intention. It means: ~ Surrounding yourself with people who challenge you to expand ~ Creating space for deep, strategic thinking ~ Taking bold action even when the path isn’t fully mapped out ~ Bringing God into the process so you’re aligned, not just accomplished I used to wonder where leaders -- those who wanted to change the world -- went to do this kind of work, to breathe life into their vision and build their next level. When I couldn’t find it, I built it. A space for those who refuse to settle for “someday.” Because when you decide to stretch into your highest calling, clarity follows. And when you surround yourself with others who are doing the same, transformation happens. Where are you stretching next? ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to identify one area where you’ve been holding back, whether it’s speaking up, taking a bold step, or committing fully to your vision, Then take one action today to stretch beyond it. Growth happens when you move past comfort. And the miracle happens after you take the leap of faith.
More Posts