Blog Layout

Are You “Golding”?

Lisa Marie Platske • Mar 27, 2018

 

I’ve identified three spaces where someone can operate that will keep them out of being courageous, vulnerable leader.


Take a look


Over the past 18 months, I’ve been stepping more into the arena of speaking about vulnerability in leadership.


I hired Susan Kerby, speaker coach extraordinaire, to work with me to craft a talk that was both meaningful and clarified what vulnerability is and isn’t.


My presentation also included how to create more transparency in your personal and professional life as this has been my personal journey over the past 5 years.


vulnerable leader - Upside Thinking


Vulnerability isn’t simply being visible, open, or even strong, however, it is part of being a courageous leader worth following.


When I speak about courageous leadership coupled with vulnerability, I talk about the importance of engaging in healthy vs. unhealthy relationship patterns at home and at work.


I’ve identified three spaces where someone can operate that will keep them out of being courageous, vulnerable leader.


These three places are:


1.Holding: When you are in holding, you’re standing your ground.

You’re closed off and in attack mode, ready to strike at any moment. Because you feel as if your back is against the wall, you cannot really hear what is being said to you or why it is being said. You’ve dug your heels in the ground and aren’t going to budge.


2.Bolding: When you are in bolding, you assume a “command and control” leadership stance where you believe you have to do it all by yourself.

You take full responsibility for everything around you even if it isn’t yours to take on.


This is the place where perfectionism lives.


In this place, you may be attached to being seen a certain way i.e. having it all together so that you’re not perceived as weak or emotional


3.Folding: When you are in folding, you breakdown.

In this space, you become angry, bitter or regret your actions – and pull back.


Because you believe you should have been nicer, kinder, or shown up differently and you didn’t, you make yourself smaller and usually do it with heaps of guilt or shame.


What’s fascinating about these relationship patterns is that when you’re in them you may not even realize it.


This is why self-awareness is the first area to master within personal competence (handling ourselves) when seeking to be more emotionally intelligent.


Self-awareness is simply understanding one’s internal state(s), preferences, resources, and intuitions.


Recent studies have shown that emotional competence is twice as important as technical competence for mid-level executives.


And, for top executives, 90% success comes from emotional competency which is another reason why this is important.


So, were is the sweet spot, the place where you get to just share yourself as you are?


I like to call that the Gold.


4.Golding: When you are “golding” (my made-up word… ☺) you are genuine, authentic, true-to-you, sincere, and unapologetic about how you feel and why.

You’re in an honest relationship with yourself which allows you to then be in real relationship with others.


You are able to acknowledge where you are – and speak from that place.


When I worked in the government and sat down with an employee to discuss their poor performance, it wasn’t about expressing my anger about how their behavior disrespected me, their supervisor.


It was about the facts — what I noticed, how the office was impacted, and what the consequences would be if the set expectation wasn’t met in the future.


Sometimes there were tears and other times there was fist-pounding.


And, I was able to meet them both by staying in the moment.


When you are in the gold or golding, you get to just be.


My research in this area came from my own unhealthy behavioral patterns within my family – and wanting to shift so that I could step into being a transformational leader that was worth following both in an out of my business.


How could I do this when I would vacillate back and forth from holding, bolding, and folding – feeling badly about my interactions with others?


I would take a stand and then apologize, never speaking my truth.


I would create stories in my head about what I should have said and why.


And, sometimes I would say things that were unkind where I was the one that paid the consequences.


Learning that there was another way has been part of my journey – and while I still can slip into these patters, I am much more aware.


“Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.”


What you give is what you get back in return.


The most important reason for me sharing this Upside Thought this week is so that you can examine your own relationship patterns.


  • Are they healthy or unhealthy?
  • Do you slip into holding, bolding, or folding more often than you would like?
  • What is your biggest struggle with being able to shift into “golding”?
  • 

And, if you’ve mastered this, I congratulate you!


In the end, there is only one you.


One brilliant you.


And, the world doesn’t get to see just how shiny and brilliant you are when you’re tied up in one of these patterns.


Action:

The Upside Challenge of the week is to reach out to someone you dislike whom you believe also dislikes you – or someone you’ve been harboring anger in your heart. Send them a message of love, mercy, forgiveness, and kindness – and release anything that would keep you from being a beacon of light into the world.


It was never about them anyway.


People follow the person first and then their great plan – and for a reason.


The world needs you and your brilliance.


The post Are You “Golding”? appeared first on Upside Thinking.

By Lisa Marie Platske 28 Mar, 2024
One of the questions I've been asked countless times is, "How do I find my purpose?" I get how elusive that can feel. Yet this isn't a question that is to be solved like a math problem. You can't think your way to the answer. Clarifying your purpose happens over time. It's a quiet whisper that turns into a roar the more time you give that question. Your purpose is about why you're here and the difference you're to make. Think about it like a journey that's worth taking. The more you get clarity about the next steps around your work in the world, the more you will experience ease and joy. So what are the best first steps: 1) Ask one great question every day. I tell clients to have a question that they ask themselves as a focus each day. When you ask the question, 'what is my divine mission and purpose?' you will get whispers throughout the day, giving you clues. 2) Listen attentively. You've got constant chatter all around you. It's important to embrace the Power of the Pause and have quiet time in your daily life. 3) Apply what you've heard. I call it 'following the breadcrumbs' that your inner wisdom speaks. Ultimately, I want to make the world better and be a force for good every day. When I ask, listen, and apply it's a whole lot easier to do. Remember... the World Needs You and Your Brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to dedicate time each day to the "Ask, Listen, Apply" practice for uncovering your life's purpose. Ask: Take 5-10 minutes in the morning to quiet your mind and vocalize the question "What is my divine purpose and mission?" Speak it aloud or write it down repeatedly. Hold sincere intention for clarity. Listen: Go about your day paying close attention to any intuitive hunches, meaningful signs, powerful thoughts or feelings that arise related to your query. These "breadcrumbs" hold wisdom. Jot them down as you receive them. Apply: At the end of the day, review your notes. Identify 1-2 simple actions you can take based on the day's insights that feel deeply aligned. Follow through on those actions, however small. Discovering your true purpose is an exploratory journey, not a single aha moment. Your unique brilliance was meant to create profound positive impact. Stay devoted to ask, listen, apply - and your purpose will be unveiled.
By Lisa Marie Platske 25 Mar, 2024
Peace showed up in my morning reflection time. I was reminded of this prayer, one of my grandmother's favorites. Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Yes please. I sang this poem at the Upside Summit several years ago. Peace is elusive for most folks ... especially those who fight lies that live in their head. About 15 years ago, a fellow speaker asked me to coach her on living in the present moment. She told me she struggled with sleepless nights and feeling as if she was never doing enough. I'd been there and knew what it was like to have a head full of anxious thoughts, robbed of a peaceful life. And being internally calm is something I've worked a long time on, and what many of the leaders I work with want. See, peace is no longer a struggle for me. Despite the noise and chaos that's often around me, I don't have the same level of noise in me. How about you? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Last month, I woke up to a storm and a roof leak. It's these situations where " Lord, make me an instrument of peace " comes alive in practical ways. Remember... The World Needs You and Your Brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to create a " Peace Practice " ritual for yourself which is especially helpful during a hectic work week. Take 5-10 minutes each day to intentionally cultivate a state of inner calm and presence. This could involve: - Sitting in silence, focusing on your breath - Listening to a guided meditation app - Reading an inspiring poem or prayer - Walking mindfully in nature - Doing gentle stretches or yoga poses The key is choosing a simple activity that allows you to release anxious thoughts. When feelings of stress, overwhelm or negativity arise, return to your Peace Practice. Use it as an anchor to realign with your intention for a peaceful mind. You get to choose calm over chronic anxiety. The world needs more leaders like you who prioritize their well-being so they can show up centered and resilient, no matter what arises.
By Lisa Marie Platske 21 Mar, 2024
Do you ever get stuck focusing on "how" you are going to do something? Most folks get fixated on the mechanics and figuring out the next steps, and then start to see imaginary obstacles, becoming paralyzed and failing to move forward. You don't have to have all the answers or even map out every step. One of my genius zones is identifying the ONE action to take that will make the biggest difference in realizing your vision. Sure, doubt may creep in, especially when the journey seems long. You may even feel overwhelmed. That's why it's best not to go it alone. I've long asked myself, " What is mine to do right now? " The million little moments have added up to me having a leadership and spiritual wellness center. Summit Hills Farm is a place where leaders come to do their work, as leadership is an inside job. The first place to start is answering three questions: ~ Who am I? ~ What do I want? ~ Why does it matter? When you answer these, the how takes care of itself. They will serve as a compass when you're feeling lost on your journey. And simple isn't easy. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to identify one idea you've been feeling stuck on. Instead of getting overwhelmed trying to map out every step of the "how", simply ask yourself: What is the next best small step I can take to move forward? Come up with ONE manageable action step you can accomplish this week. They should feel challenging but doable. Go shine your light. And keep moving forward.
By Lisa Marie Platske 18 Mar, 2024
My computer crashed, the screen on my phone shattered after a fatal drop, and after the roof leak and busted pipe in the apartment earlier in the week, I needed a date night sooner than later. Since Jim and I are typically in bed by 8pm, when we go out to eat it's really a date lunch. (smile) We decided to try someplace new, and it ended up exceeding our expectations. And it was what I would call a Kentucky gem. The food, the people, and the sign on the wall opposite the cash register had me want to come back, as well as forget about my bumpy week. I asked the owner's fiancé about the sign which read: If You Are Hungry and Have No Money, These Meals Have Been Paid for In Advance. Give a Server the Ticket and They Will Have the Kitchen Prepare Your Meal. One Meal Per day, One Meal Per Person. She shared that people give, and folks who are in need, often the homeless, can receive a meal every day. Yet often those receiving want to help out by taking out the trash, etc. It got me thinking about the good of humans and their natural desire to want to serve and give. Everyone wants the same thing. ~ To be valued. ~ To be appreciated. ~ To be loved. The best leaders get this. Jim and I bought 8 meals and shared a little goodwill in the midst of our rollercoaster-y week. Go shine your light. It's needed. Yes... the world truly needs you and your brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to perform a small act of kindness for someone in need. Look for opportunities to extend compassion - a kind word, a donation to a food bank, bringing clothes to a shelter, buying a meal for a friend who's overwhelmed or overworked. Open your eyes and heart to those struggling around you. It may be someone closer than you realize. When you give freely without expectation, you receive just as much in return. In a society focused on individual success, make it a point to consciously choose to put someone in your community first. The world is better when we lift each other up.
More Posts
By Lisa Marie Platske 28 Mar, 2024
One of the questions I've been asked countless times is, "How do I find my purpose?" I get how elusive that can feel. Yet this isn't a question that is to be solved like a math problem. You can't think your way to the answer. Clarifying your purpose happens over time. It's a quiet whisper that turns into a roar the more time you give that question. Your purpose is about why you're here and the difference you're to make. Think about it like a journey that's worth taking. The more you get clarity about the next steps around your work in the world, the more you will experience ease and joy. So what are the best first steps: 1) Ask one great question every day. I tell clients to have a question that they ask themselves as a focus each day. When you ask the question, 'what is my divine mission and purpose?' you will get whispers throughout the day, giving you clues. 2) Listen attentively. You've got constant chatter all around you. It's important to embrace the Power of the Pause and have quiet time in your daily life. 3) Apply what you've heard. I call it 'following the breadcrumbs' that your inner wisdom speaks. Ultimately, I want to make the world better and be a force for good every day. When I ask, listen, and apply it's a whole lot easier to do. Remember... the World Needs You and Your Brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to dedicate time each day to the "Ask, Listen, Apply" practice for uncovering your life's purpose. Ask: Take 5-10 minutes in the morning to quiet your mind and vocalize the question "What is my divine purpose and mission?" Speak it aloud or write it down repeatedly. Hold sincere intention for clarity. Listen: Go about your day paying close attention to any intuitive hunches, meaningful signs, powerful thoughts or feelings that arise related to your query. These "breadcrumbs" hold wisdom. Jot them down as you receive them. Apply: At the end of the day, review your notes. Identify 1-2 simple actions you can take based on the day's insights that feel deeply aligned. Follow through on those actions, however small. Discovering your true purpose is an exploratory journey, not a single aha moment. Your unique brilliance was meant to create profound positive impact. Stay devoted to ask, listen, apply - and your purpose will be unveiled.
By Lisa Marie Platske 25 Mar, 2024
Peace showed up in my morning reflection time. I was reminded of this prayer, one of my grandmother's favorites. Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Yes please. I sang this poem at the Upside Summit several years ago. Peace is elusive for most folks ... especially those who fight lies that live in their head. About 15 years ago, a fellow speaker asked me to coach her on living in the present moment. She told me she struggled with sleepless nights and feeling as if she was never doing enough. I'd been there and knew what it was like to have a head full of anxious thoughts, robbed of a peaceful life. And being internally calm is something I've worked a long time on, and what many of the leaders I work with want. See, peace is no longer a struggle for me. Despite the noise and chaos that's often around me, I don't have the same level of noise in me. How about you? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Last month, I woke up to a storm and a roof leak. It's these situations where " Lord, make me an instrument of peace " comes alive in practical ways. Remember... The World Needs You and Your Brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to create a " Peace Practice " ritual for yourself which is especially helpful during a hectic work week. Take 5-10 minutes each day to intentionally cultivate a state of inner calm and presence. This could involve: - Sitting in silence, focusing on your breath - Listening to a guided meditation app - Reading an inspiring poem or prayer - Walking mindfully in nature - Doing gentle stretches or yoga poses The key is choosing a simple activity that allows you to release anxious thoughts. When feelings of stress, overwhelm or negativity arise, return to your Peace Practice. Use it as an anchor to realign with your intention for a peaceful mind. You get to choose calm over chronic anxiety. The world needs more leaders like you who prioritize their well-being so they can show up centered and resilient, no matter what arises.
By Lisa Marie Platske 21 Mar, 2024
Do you ever get stuck focusing on "how" you are going to do something? Most folks get fixated on the mechanics and figuring out the next steps, and then start to see imaginary obstacles, becoming paralyzed and failing to move forward. You don't have to have all the answers or even map out every step. One of my genius zones is identifying the ONE action to take that will make the biggest difference in realizing your vision. Sure, doubt may creep in, especially when the journey seems long. You may even feel overwhelmed. That's why it's best not to go it alone. I've long asked myself, " What is mine to do right now? " The million little moments have added up to me having a leadership and spiritual wellness center. Summit Hills Farm is a place where leaders come to do their work, as leadership is an inside job. The first place to start is answering three questions: ~ Who am I? ~ What do I want? ~ Why does it matter? When you answer these, the how takes care of itself. They will serve as a compass when you're feeling lost on your journey. And simple isn't easy. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to identify one idea you've been feeling stuck on. Instead of getting overwhelmed trying to map out every step of the "how", simply ask yourself: What is the next best small step I can take to move forward? Come up with ONE manageable action step you can accomplish this week. They should feel challenging but doable. Go shine your light. And keep moving forward.
By Lisa Marie Platske 18 Mar, 2024
My computer crashed, the screen on my phone shattered after a fatal drop, and after the roof leak and busted pipe in the apartment earlier in the week, I needed a date night sooner than later. Since Jim and I are typically in bed by 8pm, when we go out to eat it's really a date lunch. (smile) We decided to try someplace new, and it ended up exceeding our expectations. And it was what I would call a Kentucky gem. The food, the people, and the sign on the wall opposite the cash register had me want to come back, as well as forget about my bumpy week. I asked the owner's fiancé about the sign which read: If You Are Hungry and Have No Money, These Meals Have Been Paid for In Advance. Give a Server the Ticket and They Will Have the Kitchen Prepare Your Meal. One Meal Per day, One Meal Per Person. She shared that people give, and folks who are in need, often the homeless, can receive a meal every day. Yet often those receiving want to help out by taking out the trash, etc. It got me thinking about the good of humans and their natural desire to want to serve and give. Everyone wants the same thing. ~ To be valued. ~ To be appreciated. ~ To be loved. The best leaders get this. Jim and I bought 8 meals and shared a little goodwill in the midst of our rollercoaster-y week. Go shine your light. It's needed. Yes... the world truly needs you and your brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to perform a small act of kindness for someone in need. Look for opportunities to extend compassion - a kind word, a donation to a food bank, bringing clothes to a shelter, buying a meal for a friend who's overwhelmed or overworked. Open your eyes and heart to those struggling around you. It may be someone closer than you realize. When you give freely without expectation, you receive just as much in return. In a society focused on individual success, make it a point to consciously choose to put someone in your community first. The world is better when we lift each other up.
More Posts
Share by: