Lessons Learned at the Abbey

What may look like ordinary sameness to other people is often an exhilarating journey to me… …when I choose to see it that way. I celebrate: My wins. My losses. My everyday actions. Moment by moment, I’m grateful for the journey. Because that’s what success looks like. Despite what the world wants you to believe, success isn't perfection or acts of grandeur. Success doesn't always come with a parade or accolades that get you on the cover of the magazine. Success is the manifestation of your design. You get to decide every day if you're the kind of leader that would be worth following—in your family, your workplace, and your circle of friends. The key is to be honest about your thoughts, actions, and behaviors and what they are producing. In many ways, you're told to turn a blind eye to shortcomings and bury them or numb them. For example, excessive drinking can be excused when someone is under stress as it's deemed socially acceptable. And what would be considered excessive in one area seems to be celebrated in another arena. These moral conflicts impede the path to real success ... the kind where you look in the mirror and you're proud of every decision you've made. Leadership can be complicated as leaders are often sought out for answers and their acumen in a particular area. Yet that doesn't mean they're any more perfect than you are. And when you haven't defined success for yourself, you will always come up short. Success begins the moment you stop letting the world tell you who you should be. Leadership starts within. It shows up in the choices you make when no one is applauding. You were designed with intention. When your decisions honor that design, clarity replaces confusion and integrity becomes your compass. This is what real leadership looks like... quiet strength, and a life that reflects who you were created to be. That choice is available to you every single day. And today is a powerful place to begin. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to notice one ordinary action you take that reflects who you want to be as a leader. It could be how you respond to someone, how you follow through on a small task, or how you speak to yourself. Acknowledge it. Honor it. Let it be proof that your design is showing up in real time. Remember, success is in these conscious, everyday choices.

Sometimes you have an idea of how you believe something should be. Your idea, however, is much grander than reality. Because you don't want to give up on the grandness of that vision, you start to twist yourself into a pretzel—and do things that aren't really you to see if you can make what you want come to life. People do this with relationships, their career or business path, and their God-given mission. Looking at something and accepting it for what it is takes massive amounts of courage. In a world that will give you a free pass if you make excuses for your behavior rather than encouraging you to look in the mirror, I see this path more times than I'd ever thought I would. Someone recently asked me why most folks find accountability inherently difficult. He was looking for someone to hold him accountable, and realized that no one in his friend circle had the strength or capacity to do it. After a long pause, I shared with him that if someone were to hold you accountable for your behavior, they'd have to look at and acknowledge their own shortcoming and missteps. It's just easier to ignore what you're doing, so they don't have to look at what they're doing. Long ago, I made a pact with myself that I wanted people in my life who were committed to honest, transparent dialogue. Over the past several decades, this has served me well—even when it hasn't been comfortable. I'm not looking for a free pass. Leadership is challenging, sometimes messy, and always uncomfortable. Most folks just aren't interested in signing up for something that doesn't have them feel good 24x7. When I got clear on the 7 Pillars of God-Centered Leadership, it was like something shifted in me. I got that when I walked this path and took this journey, I didn't need to twist myself into a pretzel or spend time worrying about what other people thought about me. As long as my heart is right with God, leadership is about His way, not mine. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to write down the qualities that would earn someone the right to speak into your life. Focus on who they are and not what they do. Choose qualities anchored in truth, integrity, humility, and alignment with your Divine mission. Then pause and look at your list honestly. Let your life rise to meet what you say you value.

You can believe the best or worst about people. It’s less lonely to believe the best in them, yet that's really hard to do, especially when you've been burned over and over. When I think about leadership as a whole, this is one of the hardest elements to master because people are human. ~ They're going to get stuff wrong. ~ They're going to say things you don't like. ~ They're going to hurt your feelings, even if you don't want to admit it. At some point, most folks give up trying or at least caring. It's often easier to numb or ignore than to deal with a disappointment. Yet numbing or ignoring doesn't change the body's reaction internally to the situation. To get to a place where you are able to believe the best in folks takes work. There is no leadership pill or shortcut. At least not one that I've ever found. One of the biggest flexes is being able to hold space for someone when they've wronged you. I remember years ago reading an article about Richard Branson, and one of his employees who had stolen from him. Branson told the manager to speak to him—and give him a second chance. A second chance?!? Are you kidding me?!? That's a break in integrity and grounds for removal in any industry. Reading this had me wonder what Branson knew about leadership that at the time I didn't. To take it a step further, my curiosity increased and I wondered what would happen if I did something like this in my own life. It felt awkward to try this idea on as I had long-rooted beliefs that certain behaviors were vehemently wrong—and should be punished. Was it possible that leadership required unconditional love? Now, this didn't mean being a doormat and letting someone walk all over you. Anyone who knows me understands that's never gonna happen. Yet this new perspective, this new lens, had me curious about what would happen if I led from that place. Over the years, I can say it hasn't been the easiest thing to do—and it's been the most rewarding. I still have folks come back to me who wronged me telling me how much they respect the way I handled the situation. My greatest desire for folks is that they lead their lives in a way that honors the core of their being—their divine mission and purpose. And it's really hard to do that when you're steeped in judgment, blame, or shame-inducing behaviors. Love is the answer, regardless of the question. Because you can choose to believe the worst in people. Or you can choose to see the best in people. It's always your choice. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to choose one person who has disappointed or frustrated you. Take one step from your highest self that keeps your heart open. Speak with calm. Acknowledge something they did right. And release the story you’ve been holding. Lead from love today.