Are You Falling Prey to the Dark Side of Leadership?
Lisa Marie Platske • November 27, 2018
“To do, or not to do,” this is often the question.
Wait, isn’t it supposed to be, “To be, or not to be?”
Sigh.
I am someone who likes to get stuff done.
My husband’s cousin calls me the “over-achiever”.
And, I’ve always taken great pride in my ability to take on more than most people and have it all work out well.
My friends and family recognize they can count on me – that I will be responsible enough to do whatever they need and deliver it with excellence.
The same is true of my clients.
And, this feels good when I’m operating out of healthy choice and with clear boundaries.
Unfortunately, this hasn’t always been the case.
Years ago, I would work hard and assume the responsibilities of others who are capable of doing it themselves because I didn’t trust them.
Then, I would become resentful or angry, especially when I didn’t get the kudos I thought I deserved for all of my hard work.
Today, I refer to this as leadership self-sabotage – when a leader enters into a co-dependent relationship with followers, taking on more than he/she needs to, and creating a victim/victor cycle.
This behavior can be found in boardrooms around the world – as well as in small family businesses– and even in families.
It is the dark side of leadership, and not often spoken about other than when someone uses it in extreme terms like “control freak.”
What’s important to recognize is the focus from doing to being.
When you focus solely on your doingness with the expectation of being the hero and getting it right, you can lose touch with your beingness which is where the core of your leadership essence lives.
This doesn’t mean that being effective and getting the right things done doesn’t matter.
Quite the opposite.
It simply means that when you do it at the expense of who you are, you create an unhealthy pattern that sabotages great leadership.
The best leaders hire people they can trust to create productive teams and remember to trust them. If not, why hire them?
And those same leaders started out being people who needed a confident leader to believe in them and trust them to do excellent work.
Are you remembering the value of your team?
Leaders worth following understand that who they are being and how they are being is often more important that what they say — and certainly more effective than doing it all.
Action:
The Upside Challenge of the week is to notice your motivation when you are drilling away at your to-do list at work or at home. Is it rooted in pleasing others? Being the hero? Take a breath. Can you delegate some of this work? Or do it from a different place within yourself – one of choice and clear boundaries?
People follow the person first, then their great plan.
Be a leader worth following.
The world needs you and your brilliance.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
February 2, 2026
You have been hard-wired for greatness so stop trying so hard to be something other than who you are. I see it all the time. Folks who tie themselves into knots, seeking the approval of others. Oh, it's not conscious. Most leaders would tell you that they're comfortable being their own boss, in charge of their time. Behind closed doors, many of them have told me something different. And that's because conflict, being misunderstood, and being vilified are pretty crummy. Most folks want to be liked. They want to be valued and appreciated for the effort they've put in. Your greatest gift to the planet is to be fully, completely, and unapologetically who you are. Doing that may come with some pretty harsh consequences ... which is why most leaders are willing to sell out. The thing that isn't always self-evident about compromising your values and beliefs is that every night you're stuck with you. You have to look at yourself in the mirror. You are the only one who understands the choices you've made—right, wrong, or indifferent. When the day is done, the truth always meets you in the quiet. It asks whether you stood in integrity or traded pieces of yourself to keep the peace. Leadership requires decisions that don’t win applause. It often asks you to hold your ground when others want you to bend. Living aligned with who you are may cost you approval or relationships. Yet, it will never cost you your soul. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to name a decision you’ve been avoiding because it feels risky or uncomfortable. It could be ending a partnership that no longer serves your vision, raising the standards for a client, or closing a door that keeps you from your calling. Take one bold, aligned action this week that honors your integrity and the leader you were created to be.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
January 26, 2026
"Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose." ~ Helen Keller Purpose. The dictionary definition is, " the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists. " You were put on the planet for a reason ... a purpose. And, part of the joy of the journey is to be in the discovery and fulfillment of that divine purpose . Perhaps that's why Helen Keller said what she said. Too often, folks get sidetracked by fame and fortune, or comfort and easy. While they each have their allure, they will never bring you happiness. True happiness comes from meaning. Over the decades, there have been countless subjects and research projects on the topic of happiness. The results of all of them have pointed back to this truth. When I think about the leaders that I've had the privilege of working with, the ones that were the happiest weren't the ones that had situations that were easy. Actually, life came down pretty hard on some of them and they were in peril. While they came to me seeking answers about how to right the ship, the journey rarely involved signing a multi-million dollar deal that got them to happiness island. It was the ability to peel away each layer of their circumstances and see it through the lens of their divine mission and purpose. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to notice where your influence thrive. At times, we can lose sight of what truly matters. So today, observe the work, conversations, and moments where you naturally make a difference. Do more of those things, even in small ways. Your purpose is revealed in the places where your leadership produces impact and meaning.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
January 19, 2026
Choice. Direction. Commitment. Consistent Action. Rinse and repeat. If you do this, a lot can change in a year. There was a season where most folks in my industry started cutting back—and I did the opposite. I doubled down on the number of hours I was investing in my business. I created new programming for my live events, and I hired 4 new people. At the time, I also chose to invest in myself and upped my personal commitment to excellence in every area of my life, getting up early and doing the work physically, mentally, intellectually, spiritually, financially, relationally, and creatively. My business expanded, my relationships grew stronger, and at the time, I released 18 pounds. See, most people are more committed to fixing what isn’t working that they can’t see what is working. They stop being grateful for what's right in front of them . They stop being able to see the miracles that are happening in front of their eyes. I recently had a private leadership retreat day with a guy who said, "If miracles were happening in my life, I'd certainly see them." He said it with conviction, bravado, and a tiny bit of arrogance. I called him on it and pointed out three things that were miracles in the making that had just happened in his life. When you focus solely on the problem, you always lose. Over the past year, when people were wondering what they were going to do over the weekend, I was thinking about this moment. Right here and right now. Today, I’m mapping out what’s going to happen over the next 12 – 24 months in my business—all while staying rooted in the here and now. Commit to excellence and your life will change. You will turn possibilities into realities. I’m a living proof. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to look at where you’ve been relying on experience instead of intention. Leaders sometimes can easily coast on what’s worked before, forgetting that excellence requires evolution. Identify one area where you’ve been leading on autopilot. It could be a system, relationship, or habit that could be sharper, more aligned, or more alive. Then refine it. Because you’re committed to mastery.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
January 12, 2026
No matter how happy someone may seem, they have moments when they question if they can go on. And no matter how strong someone may appear, they have days when they feel like they're falling apart. That's one of the most confusing aspects of leadership. See, most leaders feel that because they're the one at the helm steering the ship, they should have it together and be "on" 24x7. And that's unrealistic. Yet that belief has caused many leaders to sink their ship because of the inability to reach out and ask for help. No one can go it alone. Every leader needs someone to lean on. Phrases like "Only the strong survive." and "You gotta just 'man' up." do more damage than good. I learned this when I was working in Federal law enforcement and 9/11 hit. The superhuman requests to work hours that pushed the body to the limits were a recipe for certain disaster. Men and women who may have needed someone to talk to themselves to process their grief were thrust into the grim reality that they were needed more than ever—and needed to be stronger than they knew how to do. One of the NYPD beat cops that I had befriended was in the middle of a shift when he had a full-blown meltdown on 5th Avenue in New York City six months after 9/11. The walk of leadership never has been—and never will be—a solo affair. You need other folks around you that you can trust and rely on in good times and not-so-good times. And I'm not talking about a friend, spouse, or family member. I'm talking about a trusted advisor with whom you can turn matter what is working or on fire. Because every leader deserves a space to be real, to be guided, and to be reminded of the truth of who they are . The kind of space I’ve devoted my life to creating for those called to lead from purpose. And when leaders have that kind of support, the moments that once felt too heavy begin to make sense. They find the strength to keep going because they’re no longer doing it on their own. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to think and name one person who you can turn to when leadership feels heavy. Reach out to one of them this week. Tell the truth about where you are. Because even leaders need a place to lean.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
February 2, 2026
You have been hard-wired for greatness so stop trying so hard to be something other than who you are. I see it all the time. Folks who tie themselves into knots, seeking the approval of others. Oh, it's not conscious. Most leaders would tell you that they're comfortable being their own boss, in charge of their time. Behind closed doors, many of them have told me something different. And that's because conflict, being misunderstood, and being vilified are pretty crummy. Most folks want to be liked. They want to be valued and appreciated for the effort they've put in. Your greatest gift to the planet is to be fully, completely, and unapologetically who you are. Doing that may come with some pretty harsh consequences ... which is why most leaders are willing to sell out. The thing that isn't always self-evident about compromising your values and beliefs is that every night you're stuck with you. You have to look at yourself in the mirror. You are the only one who understands the choices you've made—right, wrong, or indifferent. When the day is done, the truth always meets you in the quiet. It asks whether you stood in integrity or traded pieces of yourself to keep the peace. Leadership requires decisions that don’t win applause. It often asks you to hold your ground when others want you to bend. Living aligned with who you are may cost you approval or relationships. Yet, it will never cost you your soul. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to name a decision you’ve been avoiding because it feels risky or uncomfortable. It could be ending a partnership that no longer serves your vision, raising the standards for a client, or closing a door that keeps you from your calling. Take one bold, aligned action this week that honors your integrity and the leader you were created to be.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
January 26, 2026
"Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose." ~ Helen Keller Purpose. The dictionary definition is, " the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists. " You were put on the planet for a reason ... a purpose. And, part of the joy of the journey is to be in the discovery and fulfillment of that divine purpose . Perhaps that's why Helen Keller said what she said. Too often, folks get sidetracked by fame and fortune, or comfort and easy. While they each have their allure, they will never bring you happiness. True happiness comes from meaning. Over the decades, there have been countless subjects and research projects on the topic of happiness. The results of all of them have pointed back to this truth. When I think about the leaders that I've had the privilege of working with, the ones that were the happiest weren't the ones that had situations that were easy. Actually, life came down pretty hard on some of them and they were in peril. While they came to me seeking answers about how to right the ship, the journey rarely involved signing a multi-million dollar deal that got them to happiness island. It was the ability to peel away each layer of their circumstances and see it through the lens of their divine mission and purpose. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to notice where your influence thrive. At times, we can lose sight of what truly matters. So today, observe the work, conversations, and moments where you naturally make a difference. Do more of those things, even in small ways. Your purpose is revealed in the places where your leadership produces impact and meaning.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
January 19, 2026
Choice. Direction. Commitment. Consistent Action. Rinse and repeat. If you do this, a lot can change in a year. There was a season where most folks in my industry started cutting back—and I did the opposite. I doubled down on the number of hours I was investing in my business. I created new programming for my live events, and I hired 4 new people. At the time, I also chose to invest in myself and upped my personal commitment to excellence in every area of my life, getting up early and doing the work physically, mentally, intellectually, spiritually, financially, relationally, and creatively. My business expanded, my relationships grew stronger, and at the time, I released 18 pounds. See, most people are more committed to fixing what isn’t working that they can’t see what is working. They stop being grateful for what's right in front of them . They stop being able to see the miracles that are happening in front of their eyes. I recently had a private leadership retreat day with a guy who said, "If miracles were happening in my life, I'd certainly see them." He said it with conviction, bravado, and a tiny bit of arrogance. I called him on it and pointed out three things that were miracles in the making that had just happened in his life. When you focus solely on the problem, you always lose. Over the past year, when people were wondering what they were going to do over the weekend, I was thinking about this moment. Right here and right now. Today, I’m mapping out what’s going to happen over the next 12 – 24 months in my business—all while staying rooted in the here and now. Commit to excellence and your life will change. You will turn possibilities into realities. I’m a living proof. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to look at where you’ve been relying on experience instead of intention. Leaders sometimes can easily coast on what’s worked before, forgetting that excellence requires evolution. Identify one area where you’ve been leading on autopilot. It could be a system, relationship, or habit that could be sharper, more aligned, or more alive. Then refine it. Because you’re committed to mastery.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
January 12, 2026
No matter how happy someone may seem, they have moments when they question if they can go on. And no matter how strong someone may appear, they have days when they feel like they're falling apart. That's one of the most confusing aspects of leadership. See, most leaders feel that because they're the one at the helm steering the ship, they should have it together and be "on" 24x7. And that's unrealistic. Yet that belief has caused many leaders to sink their ship because of the inability to reach out and ask for help. No one can go it alone. Every leader needs someone to lean on. Phrases like "Only the strong survive." and "You gotta just 'man' up." do more damage than good. I learned this when I was working in Federal law enforcement and 9/11 hit. The superhuman requests to work hours that pushed the body to the limits were a recipe for certain disaster. Men and women who may have needed someone to talk to themselves to process their grief were thrust into the grim reality that they were needed more than ever—and needed to be stronger than they knew how to do. One of the NYPD beat cops that I had befriended was in the middle of a shift when he had a full-blown meltdown on 5th Avenue in New York City six months after 9/11. The walk of leadership never has been—and never will be—a solo affair. You need other folks around you that you can trust and rely on in good times and not-so-good times. And I'm not talking about a friend, spouse, or family member. I'm talking about a trusted advisor with whom you can turn matter what is working or on fire. Because every leader deserves a space to be real, to be guided, and to be reminded of the truth of who they are . The kind of space I’ve devoted my life to creating for those called to lead from purpose. And when leaders have that kind of support, the moments that once felt too heavy begin to make sense. They find the strength to keep going because they’re no longer doing it on their own. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to think and name one person who you can turn to when leadership feels heavy. Reach out to one of them this week. Tell the truth about where you are. Because even leaders need a place to lean.
