Are You Falling Prey to the Dark Side of Leadership?
Lisa Marie Platske • November 27, 2018
“To do, or not to do,” this is often the question.
Wait, isn’t it supposed to be, “To be, or not to be?”
Sigh.
I am someone who likes to get stuff done.
My husband’s cousin calls me the “over-achiever”.
And, I’ve always taken great pride in my ability to take on more than most people and have it all work out well.
My friends and family recognize they can count on me – that I will be responsible enough to do whatever they need and deliver it with excellence.
The same is true of my clients.
And, this feels good when I’m operating out of healthy choice and with clear boundaries.
Unfortunately, this hasn’t always been the case.
Years ago, I would work hard and assume the responsibilities of others who are capable of doing it themselves because I didn’t trust them.
Then, I would become resentful or angry, especially when I didn’t get the kudos I thought I deserved for all of my hard work.
Today, I refer to this as leadership self-sabotage – when a leader enters into a co-dependent relationship with followers, taking on more than he/she needs to, and creating a victim/victor cycle.
This behavior can be found in boardrooms around the world – as well as in small family businesses– and even in families.
It is the dark side of leadership, and not often spoken about other than when someone uses it in extreme terms like “control freak.”
What’s important to recognize is the focus from doing to being.
When you focus solely on your doingness with the expectation of being the hero and getting it right, you can lose touch with your beingness which is where the core of your leadership essence lives.
This doesn’t mean that being effective and getting the right things done doesn’t matter.
Quite the opposite.
It simply means that when you do it at the expense of who you are, you create an unhealthy pattern that sabotages great leadership.
The best leaders hire people they can trust to create productive teams and remember to trust them. If not, why hire them?
And those same leaders started out being people who needed a confident leader to believe in them and trust them to do excellent work.
Are you remembering the value of your team?
Leaders worth following understand that who they are being and how they are being is often more important that what they say — and certainly more effective than doing it all.
Action:
The Upside Challenge of the week is to notice your motivation when you are drilling away at your to-do list at work or at home. Is it rooted in pleasing others? Being the hero? Take a breath. Can you delegate some of this work? Or do it from a different place within yourself – one of choice and clear boundaries?
People follow the person first, then their great plan.
Be a leader worth following.
The world needs you and your brilliance.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
March 30, 2026
I wonder how much time I've spent trying to figure out how I'm going to get something to work. I wonder how many hours I've tried to get something "right" or figure out how I'm going to do something. I wonder how many minutes I've belabored what it would take to get what I wanted—and how it was going to happen. And it's not just me. Everyone wants to know "the how" of something coming together. That's part of the danger of spending too much time in the thinking mind. It wants answers. Yet the mind-brain was designed to keep humans safe. That's why there is a fight-or-flight mechanism wired inside each one of us. Over time, man began relying on the thinking mind for more than God ever envisioned. When I have a pressing problem, I used to believe I could think my way out of it, seeking the "right" way forward. Now, I take it to prayer, trusting that there's probably something I can't see on my own that will lead to a solution with greater ease than I can see on my own. Doing the heavy lifting myself is something I was accustomed to doing. I can hustle and grind, and muscle and might my way through just about anything. When others would give up, I'd still be standing because of my inner resolve to win. Yet choosing to live and run my business this way led to greater struggles, heartache, and feeling overburdened than asking God to lead ever did. This doesn't mean I get to abdicate responsibility and just surrender to whatever comes my way. Walking with intention requires personal responsibility. The how isn't any of my business as long as I stay the course, listening to where God's leading me. And the same is true for you, too. Most problems require stillness, presence, and an invocation of the answer that you can't see on your own. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to choose one thing you have been carrying in your head. Before you do something with it, pause and invite God into the moment. Then set a 15-minute timer and take one clear, practical action that is already in front of you. Stay present with the work until the timer ends. When the time is up, stop and release the rest back to God. This is how trust becomes embodied leadership, one intentional step at a time.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
March 23, 2026
In a world that is designed for you to have a plan and map out your every move, living moment-by-moment can be challenging. You will likely be met with judgment by the folks around you, feeling you move too slow or are a bit directionless. Yet the only way to experience peace is in this moment. It doesn't happen when you focus on your past. And it doesn't live in your future, either. Years ago, I had someone who was well-known in the world of transformational leadership reach out to me, asking if she could hire me. When I asked her what she wanted to work on, she shared that she wanted me to teach her how to be present. Huh? I didn't understand what she was asking or why it was an issue. And at the time, I couldn't figure out how to put together a package or offering on something that felt so natural to me. Over the years, I've discovered that presence is elusive for most folks. They don't understand its power or grasp how to attain it, and live in the here and now. Perhaps that's the reason Eckhart Tolle's book The Power of Now has sold millions of copies. When presence eludes you, you run back and forth chasing moments you once lived in the past—or spending time wishing for tomorrow to get here. The blessing of living in this moment means you get to see all of the gifts that are in your life right now. ~ The people you love ~ The places you enjoy ~ The experiences you cultivate When you run around comparing what was or what you think will be to this moment, you miss out on the gift of life that God has given you. And when you lead from this place, it's hard for others to want to follow you. Leadership requires a commitment to the here and now. And the best leaders are present to the wonder of life, living One Moment At A Time. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to practice leading from presence rather than a plan. When something interrupts your schedule or pulls you off your agenda, pause and stay in the moment instead of rushing ahead or reacting. Give your full attention to what is right in front of you and allow peace to guide your response. Trust that honoring the present moment is an act of faith, clarity, and leadership, and that what truly matters will unfold one moment at a time.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
March 16, 2026
What would happen if your vision, your wildest desire, became fulfilled? Then what? What if you were as successful, as impactful as your soul is nudging you to be? What if? Most folks never give themselves permission to answer those questions. The idea that life follows a rote rhythm and then one day your time has come to cross the rainbow bridge sounds awful to me. Yet I've met far too many folks who live their life this way, expecting very little—and giving very little in return. Long ago, I noticed this conscious and unconscious sleepwalking where the hottest thing on the market was what would keep you comfortable and out of pain. That trend, while appealing, seeks to remove all suffering from the human experience. If you really want your vision to come to life, you're gonna experience some heartache. That's reality. Suffering stretches you to become better ... to defy the odds, pushing on your growth edges and inviting you to rise up. What if you never sold out on yourself again? What if you asked for the best seat in the house and were offered even better? I believe you can, you will—and you must. For without vision, people perish. I believe in you. Start asking for the best and keep asking until you get it. That's the Upside Way. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to set aside ten intentional minutes this week and ask yourself this question and write the answer without negotiating it down. What vision did I quietly place on the shelf because it asked more of me? Let it be bold. It may feel premature or it may feel like it asks you to be seen before you feel ready. Honor it anyway. Then take one visible step that tests the vision in the real world. Share the idea. Voice the invitation. Signal your willingness to lead. And remember, you are committing to obedience.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
March 10, 2026
What may look like ordinary sameness to other people is often an exhilarating journey to me… …when I choose to see it that way. I celebrate: My wins. My losses. My everyday actions. Moment by moment, I’m grateful for the journey. Because that’s what success looks like. Despite what the world wants you to believe, success isn't perfection or acts of grandeur. Success doesn't always come with a parade or accolades that get you on the cover of the magazine. Success is the manifestation of your design. You get to decide every day if you're the kind of leader that would be worth following—in your family, your workplace, and your circle of friends. The key is to be honest about your thoughts, actions, and behaviors and what they are producing. In many ways, you're told to turn a blind eye to shortcomings and bury them or numb them. For example, excessive drinking can be excused when someone is under stress as it's deemed socially acceptable. And what would be considered excessive in one area seems to be celebrated in another arena. These moral conflicts impede the path to real success ... the kind where you look in the mirror and you're proud of every decision you've made. Leadership can be complicated as leaders are often sought out for answers and their acumen in a particular area. Yet that doesn't mean they're any more perfect than you are. And when you haven't defined success for yourself, you will always come up short. Success begins the moment you stop letting the world tell you who you should be. Leadership starts within. It shows up in the choices you make when no one is applauding. You were designed with intention. When your decisions honor that design, clarity replaces confusion and integrity becomes your compass. This is what real leadership looks like... quiet strength, and a life that reflects who you were created to be. That choice is available to you every single day. And today is a powerful place to begin. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to notice one ordinary action you take that reflects who you want to be as a leader. It could be how you respond to someone, how you follow through on a small task, or how you speak to yourself. Acknowledge it. Honor it. Let it be proof that your design is showing up in real time. Remember, success is in these conscious, everyday choices.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
March 30, 2026
I wonder how much time I've spent trying to figure out how I'm going to get something to work. I wonder how many hours I've tried to get something "right" or figure out how I'm going to do something. I wonder how many minutes I've belabored what it would take to get what I wanted—and how it was going to happen. And it's not just me. Everyone wants to know "the how" of something coming together. That's part of the danger of spending too much time in the thinking mind. It wants answers. Yet the mind-brain was designed to keep humans safe. That's why there is a fight-or-flight mechanism wired inside each one of us. Over time, man began relying on the thinking mind for more than God ever envisioned. When I have a pressing problem, I used to believe I could think my way out of it, seeking the "right" way forward. Now, I take it to prayer, trusting that there's probably something I can't see on my own that will lead to a solution with greater ease than I can see on my own. Doing the heavy lifting myself is something I was accustomed to doing. I can hustle and grind, and muscle and might my way through just about anything. When others would give up, I'd still be standing because of my inner resolve to win. Yet choosing to live and run my business this way led to greater struggles, heartache, and feeling overburdened than asking God to lead ever did. This doesn't mean I get to abdicate responsibility and just surrender to whatever comes my way. Walking with intention requires personal responsibility. The how isn't any of my business as long as I stay the course, listening to where God's leading me. And the same is true for you, too. Most problems require stillness, presence, and an invocation of the answer that you can't see on your own. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to choose one thing you have been carrying in your head. Before you do something with it, pause and invite God into the moment. Then set a 15-minute timer and take one clear, practical action that is already in front of you. Stay present with the work until the timer ends. When the time is up, stop and release the rest back to God. This is how trust becomes embodied leadership, one intentional step at a time.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
March 23, 2026
In a world that is designed for you to have a plan and map out your every move, living moment-by-moment can be challenging. You will likely be met with judgment by the folks around you, feeling you move too slow or are a bit directionless. Yet the only way to experience peace is in this moment. It doesn't happen when you focus on your past. And it doesn't live in your future, either. Years ago, I had someone who was well-known in the world of transformational leadership reach out to me, asking if she could hire me. When I asked her what she wanted to work on, she shared that she wanted me to teach her how to be present. Huh? I didn't understand what she was asking or why it was an issue. And at the time, I couldn't figure out how to put together a package or offering on something that felt so natural to me. Over the years, I've discovered that presence is elusive for most folks. They don't understand its power or grasp how to attain it, and live in the here and now. Perhaps that's the reason Eckhart Tolle's book The Power of Now has sold millions of copies. When presence eludes you, you run back and forth chasing moments you once lived in the past—or spending time wishing for tomorrow to get here. The blessing of living in this moment means you get to see all of the gifts that are in your life right now. ~ The people you love ~ The places you enjoy ~ The experiences you cultivate When you run around comparing what was or what you think will be to this moment, you miss out on the gift of life that God has given you. And when you lead from this place, it's hard for others to want to follow you. Leadership requires a commitment to the here and now. And the best leaders are present to the wonder of life, living One Moment At A Time. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to practice leading from presence rather than a plan. When something interrupts your schedule or pulls you off your agenda, pause and stay in the moment instead of rushing ahead or reacting. Give your full attention to what is right in front of you and allow peace to guide your response. Trust that honoring the present moment is an act of faith, clarity, and leadership, and that what truly matters will unfold one moment at a time.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
March 16, 2026
What would happen if your vision, your wildest desire, became fulfilled? Then what? What if you were as successful, as impactful as your soul is nudging you to be? What if? Most folks never give themselves permission to answer those questions. The idea that life follows a rote rhythm and then one day your time has come to cross the rainbow bridge sounds awful to me. Yet I've met far too many folks who live their life this way, expecting very little—and giving very little in return. Long ago, I noticed this conscious and unconscious sleepwalking where the hottest thing on the market was what would keep you comfortable and out of pain. That trend, while appealing, seeks to remove all suffering from the human experience. If you really want your vision to come to life, you're gonna experience some heartache. That's reality. Suffering stretches you to become better ... to defy the odds, pushing on your growth edges and inviting you to rise up. What if you never sold out on yourself again? What if you asked for the best seat in the house and were offered even better? I believe you can, you will—and you must. For without vision, people perish. I believe in you. Start asking for the best and keep asking until you get it. That's the Upside Way. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to set aside ten intentional minutes this week and ask yourself this question and write the answer without negotiating it down. What vision did I quietly place on the shelf because it asked more of me? Let it be bold. It may feel premature or it may feel like it asks you to be seen before you feel ready. Honor it anyway. Then take one visible step that tests the vision in the real world. Share the idea. Voice the invitation. Signal your willingness to lead. And remember, you are committing to obedience.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
March 10, 2026
What may look like ordinary sameness to other people is often an exhilarating journey to me… …when I choose to see it that way. I celebrate: My wins. My losses. My everyday actions. Moment by moment, I’m grateful for the journey. Because that’s what success looks like. Despite what the world wants you to believe, success isn't perfection or acts of grandeur. Success doesn't always come with a parade or accolades that get you on the cover of the magazine. Success is the manifestation of your design. You get to decide every day if you're the kind of leader that would be worth following—in your family, your workplace, and your circle of friends. The key is to be honest about your thoughts, actions, and behaviors and what they are producing. In many ways, you're told to turn a blind eye to shortcomings and bury them or numb them. For example, excessive drinking can be excused when someone is under stress as it's deemed socially acceptable. And what would be considered excessive in one area seems to be celebrated in another arena. These moral conflicts impede the path to real success ... the kind where you look in the mirror and you're proud of every decision you've made. Leadership can be complicated as leaders are often sought out for answers and their acumen in a particular area. Yet that doesn't mean they're any more perfect than you are. And when you haven't defined success for yourself, you will always come up short. Success begins the moment you stop letting the world tell you who you should be. Leadership starts within. It shows up in the choices you make when no one is applauding. You were designed with intention. When your decisions honor that design, clarity replaces confusion and integrity becomes your compass. This is what real leadership looks like... quiet strength, and a life that reflects who you were created to be. That choice is available to you every single day. And today is a powerful place to begin. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to notice one ordinary action you take that reflects who you want to be as a leader. It could be how you respond to someone, how you follow through on a small task, or how you speak to yourself. Acknowledge it. Honor it. Let it be proof that your design is showing up in real time. Remember, success is in these conscious, everyday choices.
