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Are You Falling Prey to the Dark Side of Leadership?
Lisa Marie Platske • November 27, 2018
“To do, or not to do,” this is often the question.
Wait, isn’t it supposed to be, “To be, or not to be?”
Sigh.
I am someone who likes to get stuff done.
My husband’s cousin calls me the “over-achiever”.
And, I’ve always taken great pride in my ability to take on more than most people and have it all work out well.
My friends and family recognize they can count on me – that I will be responsible enough to do whatever they need and deliver it with excellence.
The same is true of my clients.
And, this feels good when I’m operating out of healthy choice and with clear boundaries.
Unfortunately, this hasn’t always been the case.
Years ago, I would work hard and assume the responsibilities of others who are capable of doing it themselves because I didn’t trust them.
Then, I would become resentful or angry, especially when I didn’t get the kudos I thought I deserved for all of my hard work.
Today, I refer to this as leadership self-sabotage – when a leader enters into a co-dependent relationship with followers, taking on more than he/she needs to, and creating a victim/victor cycle.
This behavior can be found in boardrooms around the world – as well as in small family businesses– and even in families.
It is the dark side of leadership, and not often spoken about other than when someone uses it in extreme terms like “control freak.”
What’s important to recognize is the focus from doing to being.
When you focus solely on your doingness with the expectation of being the hero and getting it right, you can lose touch with your beingness which is where the core of your leadership essence lives.
This doesn’t mean that being effective and getting the right things done doesn’t matter.
Quite the opposite.
It simply means that when you do it at the expense of who you are, you create an unhealthy pattern that sabotages great leadership.
The best leaders hire people they can trust to create productive teams and remember to trust them. If not, why hire them?
And those same leaders started out being people who needed a confident leader to believe in them and trust them to do excellent work.
Are you remembering the value of your team?
Leaders worth following understand that who they are being and how they are being is often more important that what they say — and certainly more effective than doing it all.
Action:
The Upside Challenge of the week is to notice your motivation when you are drilling away at your to-do list at work or at home. Is it rooted in pleasing others? Being the hero? Take a breath. Can you delegate some of this work? Or do it from a different place within yourself – one of choice and clear boundaries?
People follow the person first, then their great plan.
Be a leader worth following.
The world needs you and your brilliance.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
February 17, 2025
It’s been 20 years since I sat at my desk in Riverside, “California dreaming” about Upside Thinking, LLC. I envisioned it as a global leadership company and brand that would be different from organizations that focused on technical expertise. Our focus would be on happiness, success, and meaning – the top of Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. These tenets are built into the Upside Summit, an experience designed to bring leaders together in a way that fosters transformation. Life happens moment by moment, the lows and highs woven together like an exquisite silk tapestry. While it may feel good to focus on the high moments, the lows teach us how to discover and/or create happiness, success, and meaning. I’ve had an unsettling feeling in my bones lately and have questioned from where it’s coming. It feels as if there have been many blows or lows that my body has felt as if I’ve been in the ring with Ali, Mayweather, and Tyson all at the same time. The political landscape, as well as debates over AI, social responsibility, and freedom have created feelings of pain, grief, and outrage – which can be where meaning lives. Yet, it’s not an easy road to walk: feeling feelings, being uncomfortable, examining beliefs, finding clarity in the chaos, and making decisions. Perhaps you understand this. Meaning is defined as “ the sense or significance of… ” and when it intersects with caring about others as much as caring about yourself, then leadership becomes what is ... ... the Highest and Best good for All. You as a leader become more purpose-driven and seek to connect with others who have a similar why. Even when they have different beliefs, the common “why” as a focal point can hold you together. When there is no clear “why,” you have little motivation to take action any differently than you’ve done before. Have the courage to look at the gaps without getting caught up in the swirl of emotion, understanding that our common humanity can serve to unite us. ACTION: The Upside Challenge is to engage in a dialogue of meaning and different types of conversations with family, friends, and colleagues than you might typically have. Don’t shy away from talking about the lows. It is only from this place we can appreciate our differences. To do so is to be made anew. Remember, the world needs you and your brilliance. With everything Upside, Lisa Marie Platske President, Upside Thinking, LLC LisaMarie@UpsideThinking.com 951.334.9162 p.s. True leadership isn’t just about what you do, it’s about who you become. The Upside Leaders program is a 12-week journey designed to help you align with the Divine Operating System, so you can lead with clarity, conviction, and impact. If you’re feeling called to more—more meaning, more purpose, more transformation—this is your invitation. Step in, rise up, and lead at your highest level. Join us now.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
February 10, 2025
Cleaning and De-cluttering. This seems to be the daily theme at the farm. Since moving into the property, I’ve been releasing many things from my life: ~ Clothing I hadn’t worn in years ~ New pillows, bedding, and household items that never seemed right ~ Old electronics, including two laptops that a friend was able to re-purpose ~ Papers, papers, and more papers! I’ve also been re-examining what still fits as I move into this new chapter. Getting really honest with why I hold on to things (and people) when they clearly no longer fit in my life. I even deleted hundreds—dare I say thousands—of names from my email list, making my list size the un-sexiest it’s ever been. In the coaching world, this is seen as a fatal mistake—the kiss of death—as your list size is what makes you “cool.” On this part of my journey, I’m much more discerning of the people, places, and situations that are part of my life. I’m examining the distractions that keep me from shining brightly. And, after years of being told not to take things personally, that’s all I’m interested in, because life is personal. You can’t be a leader worth following unless you can see and honor someone’s humanity: ~ What makes their heart hurt ~ What makes them laugh uncontrollably ~ What makes them wonderful and unique That’s the kind of leadership I’m interested in. The kind that’s personal. And that just may take a little de-cluttering and letting go of what and who doesn’t allow you to be the best version of who you’re called to be. Don’t let people, places, or things get in the way of you shining your light. Because the world needs you and your brilliance, now more than ever. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to reflect on what’s taking up space in your life? Take 30 minutes today to identify one physical item or relationship that no longer serves you. Whether it’s an old piece of clothing, a cluttered drawer, or an obligation you’ve outgrown, release it with gratitude for its role in your life.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
February 3, 2025
Are you in integrity with yourself? That’s what the world is really asking when they see if you measure up as a leader worth following. The deeper you are in relationship with yourself, the greater you’re able to serve others and make a positive difference on the planet. You can’t be in integrity with yourself unless you’re able to access your emotions, to experience emotional well-being. See, most people sidestep the things they don’t want to deal with in their life. They do it all day long. They have hidden places, in dark corners, where they’d rather not look. The actions can look like no big deal, like saying ‘yes’ to something when you really want to say ‘no’. I mean it’s just easier to go along to get along. Yet when you do this, you’re out of integrity with yourself. And over time, the consequences are costly. You can stack up all of the wins, and get external validation, yet the person in the mirror will still be staring back at you. You can’t really hide from yourself. I’ve got a pretty tough exterior, and I was an emotional stuffer for years. It’s taken me a lifetime to understand that your emotions reveal where you’re off-track. When you choose to listen amidst the noise of the world, you can see what just may be getting in the way. Only if you’re willing to. Looking deep into your soul. The world needs you and your brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to pause and check in with yourself the next time you feel uncomfortable, frustrated, or out of alignment. Ask yourself: What is this emotion trying to show me about where I’m off track? Is there a hidden “yes” or “no” I’ve been avoiding? Once you’ve identified it, take one intentional step to honor what you uncover. Maybe it’s setting a boundary, speaking your truth, or letting go of something that no longer serves you. Your emotions are a guide, trust them, and see where they lead.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
January 13, 2025
When you aren’t willing to fully examine… ~ what you believe, ~ the size of your comfort zone, ~ and the operational effectiveness of your processes and systems... … you stay stuck. There is a hard cost to choosing to stay stuck. ~ Physically ~ Emotionally ~ Intellectually ~ Spiritually ~ Financially ~ Relationally ~ And to the health of your career or business. Moving forward requires change. And, change is uncomfortable for most people, especially when it requires letting go of what was. It's not usually external waves that cause your boat to sink... ... rather it's the SMALL HOLE INSIDE your BOAT that YOU'VE BEEN IGNORING. A little reflection goes a long way, along with conversations with someone you trust. ~ What have you been ignoring or putting off? ~ What haven't you been willing to look at? Ignoring or delaying doesn't typically help because that small hole may be getting bigger... The longer you delay looking at things, the sense of overwhelm grows too-- much like the feeling that the boat is filling up with water. Pretty soon you may be swimming inside your proverbial boat. What is the process for getting unstuck? It starts with a commitment to make a clear-eyed assessment of where you are. This requires both courage and vulnerability. The costs to stay stuck are high. Be willing to see where you might be off course without judgment. Remember, judgment and discernment are different. One is constructive, the other is destructive. Next focus on what you want . What's your desired outcome? Use your imagination to build the bridge in the gap between where you are and also from the goal ("end"). ~ What do you need to do? ~ Who do you need to be? If you can create it in your mind, you can create it in the world. While it may look different as you build and take each step... you'll be moving forward... Find the courage to take the first step. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to LOOK at where you are stuck and have been ignoring or delaying. Examine the situation with a neutral eye from multiple angles. What is your desired and designed outcome? CHOOSE the first step ... which might just be reaching out to someone for coaching. Have the courage to take that ACTION step. If you need support or resources... reach out . The world needs you and your brilliance.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
February 17, 2025
It’s been 20 years since I sat at my desk in Riverside, “California dreaming” about Upside Thinking, LLC. I envisioned it as a global leadership company and brand that would be different from organizations that focused on technical expertise. Our focus would be on happiness, success, and meaning – the top of Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. These tenets are built into the Upside Summit, an experience designed to bring leaders together in a way that fosters transformation. Life happens moment by moment, the lows and highs woven together like an exquisite silk tapestry. While it may feel good to focus on the high moments, the lows teach us how to discover and/or create happiness, success, and meaning. I’ve had an unsettling feeling in my bones lately and have questioned from where it’s coming. It feels as if there have been many blows or lows that my body has felt as if I’ve been in the ring with Ali, Mayweather, and Tyson all at the same time. The political landscape, as well as debates over AI, social responsibility, and freedom have created feelings of pain, grief, and outrage – which can be where meaning lives. Yet, it’s not an easy road to walk: feeling feelings, being uncomfortable, examining beliefs, finding clarity in the chaos, and making decisions. Perhaps you understand this. Meaning is defined as “ the sense or significance of… ” and when it intersects with caring about others as much as caring about yourself, then leadership becomes what is ... ... the Highest and Best good for All. You as a leader become more purpose-driven and seek to connect with others who have a similar why. Even when they have different beliefs, the common “why” as a focal point can hold you together. When there is no clear “why,” you have little motivation to take action any differently than you’ve done before. Have the courage to look at the gaps without getting caught up in the swirl of emotion, understanding that our common humanity can serve to unite us. ACTION: The Upside Challenge is to engage in a dialogue of meaning and different types of conversations with family, friends, and colleagues than you might typically have. Don’t shy away from talking about the lows. It is only from this place we can appreciate our differences. To do so is to be made anew. Remember, the world needs you and your brilliance. With everything Upside, Lisa Marie Platske President, Upside Thinking, LLC LisaMarie@UpsideThinking.com 951.334.9162 p.s. True leadership isn’t just about what you do, it’s about who you become. The Upside Leaders program is a 12-week journey designed to help you align with the Divine Operating System, so you can lead with clarity, conviction, and impact. If you’re feeling called to more—more meaning, more purpose, more transformation—this is your invitation. Step in, rise up, and lead at your highest level. Join us now.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
February 10, 2025
Cleaning and De-cluttering. This seems to be the daily theme at the farm. Since moving into the property, I’ve been releasing many things from my life: ~ Clothing I hadn’t worn in years ~ New pillows, bedding, and household items that never seemed right ~ Old electronics, including two laptops that a friend was able to re-purpose ~ Papers, papers, and more papers! I’ve also been re-examining what still fits as I move into this new chapter. Getting really honest with why I hold on to things (and people) when they clearly no longer fit in my life. I even deleted hundreds—dare I say thousands—of names from my email list, making my list size the un-sexiest it’s ever been. In the coaching world, this is seen as a fatal mistake—the kiss of death—as your list size is what makes you “cool.” On this part of my journey, I’m much more discerning of the people, places, and situations that are part of my life. I’m examining the distractions that keep me from shining brightly. And, after years of being told not to take things personally, that’s all I’m interested in, because life is personal. You can’t be a leader worth following unless you can see and honor someone’s humanity: ~ What makes their heart hurt ~ What makes them laugh uncontrollably ~ What makes them wonderful and unique That’s the kind of leadership I’m interested in. The kind that’s personal. And that just may take a little de-cluttering and letting go of what and who doesn’t allow you to be the best version of who you’re called to be. Don’t let people, places, or things get in the way of you shining your light. Because the world needs you and your brilliance, now more than ever. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to reflect on what’s taking up space in your life? Take 30 minutes today to identify one physical item or relationship that no longer serves you. Whether it’s an old piece of clothing, a cluttered drawer, or an obligation you’ve outgrown, release it with gratitude for its role in your life.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
February 3, 2025
Are you in integrity with yourself? That’s what the world is really asking when they see if you measure up as a leader worth following. The deeper you are in relationship with yourself, the greater you’re able to serve others and make a positive difference on the planet. You can’t be in integrity with yourself unless you’re able to access your emotions, to experience emotional well-being. See, most people sidestep the things they don’t want to deal with in their life. They do it all day long. They have hidden places, in dark corners, where they’d rather not look. The actions can look like no big deal, like saying ‘yes’ to something when you really want to say ‘no’. I mean it’s just easier to go along to get along. Yet when you do this, you’re out of integrity with yourself. And over time, the consequences are costly. You can stack up all of the wins, and get external validation, yet the person in the mirror will still be staring back at you. You can’t really hide from yourself. I’ve got a pretty tough exterior, and I was an emotional stuffer for years. It’s taken me a lifetime to understand that your emotions reveal where you’re off-track. When you choose to listen amidst the noise of the world, you can see what just may be getting in the way. Only if you’re willing to. Looking deep into your soul. The world needs you and your brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to pause and check in with yourself the next time you feel uncomfortable, frustrated, or out of alignment. Ask yourself: What is this emotion trying to show me about where I’m off track? Is there a hidden “yes” or “no” I’ve been avoiding? Once you’ve identified it, take one intentional step to honor what you uncover. Maybe it’s setting a boundary, speaking your truth, or letting go of something that no longer serves you. Your emotions are a guide, trust them, and see where they lead.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
January 13, 2025
When you aren’t willing to fully examine… ~ what you believe, ~ the size of your comfort zone, ~ and the operational effectiveness of your processes and systems... … you stay stuck. There is a hard cost to choosing to stay stuck. ~ Physically ~ Emotionally ~ Intellectually ~ Spiritually ~ Financially ~ Relationally ~ And to the health of your career or business. Moving forward requires change. And, change is uncomfortable for most people, especially when it requires letting go of what was. It's not usually external waves that cause your boat to sink... ... rather it's the SMALL HOLE INSIDE your BOAT that YOU'VE BEEN IGNORING. A little reflection goes a long way, along with conversations with someone you trust. ~ What have you been ignoring or putting off? ~ What haven't you been willing to look at? Ignoring or delaying doesn't typically help because that small hole may be getting bigger... The longer you delay looking at things, the sense of overwhelm grows too-- much like the feeling that the boat is filling up with water. Pretty soon you may be swimming inside your proverbial boat. What is the process for getting unstuck? It starts with a commitment to make a clear-eyed assessment of where you are. This requires both courage and vulnerability. The costs to stay stuck are high. Be willing to see where you might be off course without judgment. Remember, judgment and discernment are different. One is constructive, the other is destructive. Next focus on what you want . What's your desired outcome? Use your imagination to build the bridge in the gap between where you are and also from the goal ("end"). ~ What do you need to do? ~ Who do you need to be? If you can create it in your mind, you can create it in the world. While it may look different as you build and take each step... you'll be moving forward... Find the courage to take the first step. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to LOOK at where you are stuck and have been ignoring or delaying. Examine the situation with a neutral eye from multiple angles. What is your desired and designed outcome? CHOOSE the first step ... which might just be reaching out to someone for coaching. Have the courage to take that ACTION step. If you need support or resources... reach out . The world needs you and your brilliance.
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