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To Be a Great Leader You Need to Utilize Emotional Intelligence
Lisa Marie Platske • Oct 25, 2018
Whenever Jim and I are out and about, and we see someone behave in a way that is rude or unkind, one of us will always offer another side to consider.
As someone who has experienced a lot of trauma and hurt in life, I’ve seen what a lack of emotional intelligence can do in heated situations.
From my work as a Federal law enforcement officer, I’ve learned that one of the most important leadership capabilities great leaders possess is emotional intelligence.
Defined as “the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically,” the term emotional intelligence or EQ was created by two researches and popularized by Daniel Goleman with the release of his book in 1996 on the topic.
I remember reading it in my master’s program and thinking, “This is brilliant – and I’ve got work to do.”
Intellectually, you may get that taking swings at someone with your words just causes more hurt, however, developing EQ takes intention and action to develop because it involves feelings and is centered in the ancient brain center.
This means you can’t try to develop EQ skills in a cognitive (academic) manner the same way you develop your intelligence quotient or executive function which is centered in the prefrontal cortex.
EQ works in partnership with cognitive skills – and you need both to be successful.
Out-of-control emotions deprive people of their cognitive decision-making which is one of the reasons the importance of EQ increases as someone’s career advances or they become more influential.
Studies have shown that emotional competence is twice as important as technical competence for mid-level executives.
For top-level executives, 90% success comes from emotional competency.
The single cognitive competence shown to make a significant career difference is the ability for “big picture” thinking or what Kouzes and Posner refer to as being a “visionary” leader.
EQ or Emotional Intelligence is comprised of Personal Competence and Social Competence, and has 5 dimensions with 25 associated competencies.
The 1st dimension of EQ in personal competence (or ability to handle ourselves) is self-awareness.
What I find fascinating is you can be incredibly self-aware – and accurately assess your own emotional awareness and be incredibly self-confident, and never move into the 2nd dimension of self-regulation where you are able to manage your emotions.
Being a leader worth following has many challenges as you must often deal with difficult people, and sometimes you’re the lone voice for positive change in the world.
One of my favorite quotes sums up emotional intelligence: “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” – Martin Luther King Jr. – and I think it sums up emotional intelligence.
Martin Luther King, Jr. modeled the behavior he called for in others recognizing it’s not valuable to take a stand against the harsh words of others using harsh words ourselves.
Ultimately, great leaders who are worth following are emotionally intelligent beings who listen to others, learn from their mistakes, love people for who they are, and forgive themselves and others for their mistakes and misgivings.
Action:
The Upside Challenge of the week is to think about your own emotional intelligence or EQ. Have you moved beyond self-awareness and mastered the 2nd dimension of self-regulation?
People follow the person first, then their great plan.
Be a leader worth following.
The world needs you and your brilliance.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
22 Apr, 2024
Are you capable of disagreeing without contempt? Very few people truly are. One of the greatest flaws inhibiting great leadership is not being capable of having a civil disagreement. As Utah Governor Spencer Cox stated when he became chair of the National Governors Association, "Our country is deeply divided. We are facing a toxic debate unlike anything that we've seen since the Civil War...we have to find a better way." Cox didn't tell Americans to simply agree with each other. Instead, he acknowledged that healthy debates are "essential to a functioning political system." The critical point he made is that we must learn to disagree with less hostility. The ability to do this boils down to three key factors : Separating Leadership from Title True leaders don't let their position or authority make them think they are above disagreement or criticism. They understand that honest debates and differing perspectives are vital for growth, innovation and credible decision-making. True leadership is a calling, not a title. 2.aMastering Emotional Intelligence The best leaders have mastered this. They don't take criticisms or opposing viewpoints as personal affronts. They can engage debates without getting emotional or lashing out defensively. 3.aRaising the Level of Discourse The greatest leaders understand the vital need for respectful disagreement. They can passionately argue their stance without devolving into contempt for those who disagree. They stay focused on the issues instead of making it an ego battle over who is right or wrong. Through their example, they raise the level of discourse. Now, why are all these so important? Because despite our differences, the world desperately needs each person's unique brilliance and contributions. So take a look at how you handle disagreement and criticism. Do you fight contempt with more contempt? Or can you maintain poise and discuss opposing views rationally and respectfully? If we sat down for just 10 minutes, I could show you what to look for and how to develop this skill yourself. Because at the end of the day, you get to control how you respond when disagreements arise. Always check yourself before you wreck yourself. Control your emotions; don't let them control you. The best leaders get this. Remember... the world needs you and your brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge of the week is to practice disagreeing without contempt. Notice when you find yourself in disagreement with someone - whether a close relation, colleague, public figure, etc. Before reacting, pause and get grounded. Check your emotional state and get in control of your reactions. State your differing view respectfully and try to understand the other perspective. Afterwards, reflect on how well you were able to disagree without devolving into bickering or hostility. What can you learn? Practice this critical skill this week.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
18 Apr, 2024
I talk and write about the pursuit of your mission, purpose, and calling. Most folks feel when this 'shows up', it will come with a marching band, balloons, and a parade of unicorns. Life will somehow become magical from this day forward. Not exactly. Your Calling is: "... an urgent and divine inspiration to accept responsibility to do hard things ." Yep. You heard right. Hard things. That means you've got to train and gear up, and be prepared in all areas of your life so you are strong enough to handle what will come your way. - Physically - Emotionally - Intellectually - Financially - Spiritually - Relationally - Creatively The best way for me to do that is to ~ pause each day, ~ take inventory, and ~ reflect on all I have been given. Enjoy your life... and remember, you are designed for More. And the World Needs You and Your Brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge of the week is to take one clear action moving you closer to your Divine mission and calling. Take time each day to pause and prepare yourself in all areas of life so you are strong enough to handle what comes your way. As you deliberately prepare yourself, you'll be ready to boldly step into the next chapter of your life. Remember, you are designed for more. And the world needs you and your brilliance.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
15 Apr, 2024
Most folks don't run out of the gate towards hard things. It's easier to take the path that feels safe, which is why it's called a "comfort zone." Yet, struggle and challenges are what bring the greatest level of personal satisfaction. This is a dilemma for most folks... my clients and myself included. When I began asking myself the question, " What will allow me to be incredibly uncomfortable today? " and running towards that, my life shifted. That doesn't mean I go out of my way to create pain or discomfort. Rather, I push my growth edges understanding their purpose and their value when hard shows up in my life. To do this, I make what matters most to me visible -- something so it's top of mind -- and continue moving towards it. The saying, "out of sight, out of mind" rings true. When you have a physical reminder of what matters most, it serves as a beacon reminding you of who you are and the importance of why you need to shine the light you have inside you brightly. This invitation is to ensure you remain aligned with who you say you are. In my recent prayer time, I heard the Holy Spirit instructing me to "organize my day." Yet this message was not only about putting one task in front of another, but rather the value of me walking the journey of life with intention. You don't have to see all of the steps to get what you want or where you want to go. You do have to identify the first step to take. And then the one after that. When you're clear on the next right thing to do, it's easier to jump into action. Over time, I've discovered that my actions are often messy, and while imperfect action is better than no action at all, I could have avoided some pitfalls along the way. Again, I'm not interested in creating discomfort, but I'm interested in orienting my next steps so that when hard does show up, I'm prepared. Make your list. Start with one action. ~ Write who you are. ~ Write down what you want. ~ Write down why it matters. Leave yourself notes or calendar pings. Remind yourself you can do hard things. Because... the world needs you and your brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to identify one "growth edge" area of discomfort that you have been avoiding, and take a small step towards leaning into it. Maybe it's having a difficult conversation, putting yourself out there in a new way, or starting a project you've been procrastinating on. Get specific about what growth opportunity has been lingering in your comfort zone. Once you pinpoint the area, schedule a dedicated 1-hour block this week to take one small, imperfect action towards that uncomfortable growth edge. Repeat this "leaning into discomfort" practice weekly or monthly. The more you make discomfort a chosen ally for growth rather than a threat, the more your brilliance expands. The world needs courageous leaders like you who walk towards their edges.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
08 Apr, 2024
I once preached the virtue of courage while living a life that screamed otherwise. Sure, I believed in the idea of courageous leadership, being your own boss, and achieving success independently. Yet, I'd never experienced it. During my 24x7 government job days, I enjoyed the perks of a steady paycheck, job security, and benefits. I spent time thinking about my next pay increase, how much leave I could save, and when I'd be promoted again. My life was in someone else's hands. After getting married in November of 2004, I stood at a crossroads with an opportunity to decide what I wanted to do for my career all over again. I enjoyed working in Federal law enforcement. It was familiar and had job security and all the overtime I wanted. When I decided to walk away, folks thought I was crazy. Why leave the comfort of a steady paycheck to the unknown?!? To nothing? Over time, I learned why entrepreneurship is not for everyone. Early on, I struggled with believing I could do this business. Every day felt uncertain, and I had many sleepless nights wondering if I wouldn't take us to the cliff of financial ruin. Jim got tired of talking me off the ledge so one day he put his foot down and said, " This is the last time we're gonna have this conversation. Either do it or get a job. " Eeek. That moment created a shift in me. A fundamental transformation of heart and mind. Why am I sharing this with you? Some things you have to experience and live through. Understanding a truth that is heard - and told to you by someone else - is not always the same as a truth that is lived. When you choose experience over what you've heard, it's a different life. Have you experienced all that you tell yourself and others that you believe? Or, are you simply an echo chamber of what you've heard others say?!? Evaluate your beliefs. Evaluate where they come from. Evaluate them based on who you are. Base your truth on personal experience because when you live what you believe, your life will change. For the better. And that's when you'll discover what and who are trustworthy. Go shine your light. Because The World Needs You... and Your Brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to identify one core belief or value that you have simply inherited from others rather than cultivated through personal experience. Spend some time in honest self-reflection. Which of your stated beliefs around relationships, career, spirituality, etc. have you truly put to the test of real-world application? Where might you be an "echo chamber"? Once you pinpoint an inherited belief you want to validate, make a plan to put it into practice through direct experience this week. For example, if you believe strongly in generosity and have not practiced radical giving - donate time or money in a way that stretches you. The world needs more leaders like you willing to walk their talk with empowering beliefs and values.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
22 Apr, 2024
Are you capable of disagreeing without contempt? Very few people truly are. One of the greatest flaws inhibiting great leadership is not being capable of having a civil disagreement. As Utah Governor Spencer Cox stated when he became chair of the National Governors Association, "Our country is deeply divided. We are facing a toxic debate unlike anything that we've seen since the Civil War...we have to find a better way." Cox didn't tell Americans to simply agree with each other. Instead, he acknowledged that healthy debates are "essential to a functioning political system." The critical point he made is that we must learn to disagree with less hostility. The ability to do this boils down to three key factors : Separating Leadership from Title True leaders don't let their position or authority make them think they are above disagreement or criticism. They understand that honest debates and differing perspectives are vital for growth, innovation and credible decision-making. True leadership is a calling, not a title. 2.aMastering Emotional Intelligence The best leaders have mastered this. They don't take criticisms or opposing viewpoints as personal affronts. They can engage debates without getting emotional or lashing out defensively. 3.aRaising the Level of Discourse The greatest leaders understand the vital need for respectful disagreement. They can passionately argue their stance without devolving into contempt for those who disagree. They stay focused on the issues instead of making it an ego battle over who is right or wrong. Through their example, they raise the level of discourse. Now, why are all these so important? Because despite our differences, the world desperately needs each person's unique brilliance and contributions. So take a look at how you handle disagreement and criticism. Do you fight contempt with more contempt? Or can you maintain poise and discuss opposing views rationally and respectfully? If we sat down for just 10 minutes, I could show you what to look for and how to develop this skill yourself. Because at the end of the day, you get to control how you respond when disagreements arise. Always check yourself before you wreck yourself. Control your emotions; don't let them control you. The best leaders get this. Remember... the world needs you and your brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge of the week is to practice disagreeing without contempt. Notice when you find yourself in disagreement with someone - whether a close relation, colleague, public figure, etc. Before reacting, pause and get grounded. Check your emotional state and get in control of your reactions. State your differing view respectfully and try to understand the other perspective. Afterwards, reflect on how well you were able to disagree without devolving into bickering or hostility. What can you learn? Practice this critical skill this week.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
18 Apr, 2024
I talk and write about the pursuit of your mission, purpose, and calling. Most folks feel when this 'shows up', it will come with a marching band, balloons, and a parade of unicorns. Life will somehow become magical from this day forward. Not exactly. Your Calling is: "... an urgent and divine inspiration to accept responsibility to do hard things ." Yep. You heard right. Hard things. That means you've got to train and gear up, and be prepared in all areas of your life so you are strong enough to handle what will come your way. - Physically - Emotionally - Intellectually - Financially - Spiritually - Relationally - Creatively The best way for me to do that is to ~ pause each day, ~ take inventory, and ~ reflect on all I have been given. Enjoy your life... and remember, you are designed for More. And the World Needs You and Your Brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge of the week is to take one clear action moving you closer to your Divine mission and calling. Take time each day to pause and prepare yourself in all areas of life so you are strong enough to handle what comes your way. As you deliberately prepare yourself, you'll be ready to boldly step into the next chapter of your life. Remember, you are designed for more. And the world needs you and your brilliance.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
15 Apr, 2024
Most folks don't run out of the gate towards hard things. It's easier to take the path that feels safe, which is why it's called a "comfort zone." Yet, struggle and challenges are what bring the greatest level of personal satisfaction. This is a dilemma for most folks... my clients and myself included. When I began asking myself the question, " What will allow me to be incredibly uncomfortable today? " and running towards that, my life shifted. That doesn't mean I go out of my way to create pain or discomfort. Rather, I push my growth edges understanding their purpose and their value when hard shows up in my life. To do this, I make what matters most to me visible -- something so it's top of mind -- and continue moving towards it. The saying, "out of sight, out of mind" rings true. When you have a physical reminder of what matters most, it serves as a beacon reminding you of who you are and the importance of why you need to shine the light you have inside you brightly. This invitation is to ensure you remain aligned with who you say you are. In my recent prayer time, I heard the Holy Spirit instructing me to "organize my day." Yet this message was not only about putting one task in front of another, but rather the value of me walking the journey of life with intention. You don't have to see all of the steps to get what you want or where you want to go. You do have to identify the first step to take. And then the one after that. When you're clear on the next right thing to do, it's easier to jump into action. Over time, I've discovered that my actions are often messy, and while imperfect action is better than no action at all, I could have avoided some pitfalls along the way. Again, I'm not interested in creating discomfort, but I'm interested in orienting my next steps so that when hard does show up, I'm prepared. Make your list. Start with one action. ~ Write who you are. ~ Write down what you want. ~ Write down why it matters. Leave yourself notes or calendar pings. Remind yourself you can do hard things. Because... the world needs you and your brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to identify one "growth edge" area of discomfort that you have been avoiding, and take a small step towards leaning into it. Maybe it's having a difficult conversation, putting yourself out there in a new way, or starting a project you've been procrastinating on. Get specific about what growth opportunity has been lingering in your comfort zone. Once you pinpoint the area, schedule a dedicated 1-hour block this week to take one small, imperfect action towards that uncomfortable growth edge. Repeat this "leaning into discomfort" practice weekly or monthly. The more you make discomfort a chosen ally for growth rather than a threat, the more your brilliance expands. The world needs courageous leaders like you who walk towards their edges.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
08 Apr, 2024
I once preached the virtue of courage while living a life that screamed otherwise. Sure, I believed in the idea of courageous leadership, being your own boss, and achieving success independently. Yet, I'd never experienced it. During my 24x7 government job days, I enjoyed the perks of a steady paycheck, job security, and benefits. I spent time thinking about my next pay increase, how much leave I could save, and when I'd be promoted again. My life was in someone else's hands. After getting married in November of 2004, I stood at a crossroads with an opportunity to decide what I wanted to do for my career all over again. I enjoyed working in Federal law enforcement. It was familiar and had job security and all the overtime I wanted. When I decided to walk away, folks thought I was crazy. Why leave the comfort of a steady paycheck to the unknown?!? To nothing? Over time, I learned why entrepreneurship is not for everyone. Early on, I struggled with believing I could do this business. Every day felt uncertain, and I had many sleepless nights wondering if I wouldn't take us to the cliff of financial ruin. Jim got tired of talking me off the ledge so one day he put his foot down and said, " This is the last time we're gonna have this conversation. Either do it or get a job. " Eeek. That moment created a shift in me. A fundamental transformation of heart and mind. Why am I sharing this with you? Some things you have to experience and live through. Understanding a truth that is heard - and told to you by someone else - is not always the same as a truth that is lived. When you choose experience over what you've heard, it's a different life. Have you experienced all that you tell yourself and others that you believe? Or, are you simply an echo chamber of what you've heard others say?!? Evaluate your beliefs. Evaluate where they come from. Evaluate them based on who you are. Base your truth on personal experience because when you live what you believe, your life will change. For the better. And that's when you'll discover what and who are trustworthy. Go shine your light. Because The World Needs You... and Your Brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to identify one core belief or value that you have simply inherited from others rather than cultivated through personal experience. Spend some time in honest self-reflection. Which of your stated beliefs around relationships, career, spirituality, etc. have you truly put to the test of real-world application? Where might you be an "echo chamber"? Once you pinpoint an inherited belief you want to validate, make a plan to put it into practice through direct experience this week. For example, if you believe strongly in generosity and have not practiced radical giving - donate time or money in a way that stretches you. The world needs more leaders like you willing to walk their talk with empowering beliefs and values.
Upside Your Business & Your Life!
