How To Enjoy And Embrace Time Alone
Lisa Marie Platske • November 14, 2016
It took me a while to realize how good it is to spend time alone. But when you enjoy and embrace time alone, you are embracing who you are.
When I travel, I’m either enjoying a good meal by myself in a local restaurant or taking advantage of room service and dining alone in my room.
I used the word “enjoying” intentionally because years ago I would have struggled to utter the words “Table for one” — or been embarrassed when the front desk asked, “Will this be room service for one?”
These were the days when I wasn’t an Upside Thinker and my mind could play tricks on me.
Because I was far from the cool kid in school, being alone meant that I wasn’t good enough to be with people.
So, I filled my days with meaningless conversations and empty relationships just so that I didn’t have to be alone.
And, I hated myself for it.
What’s funny as I look back is that I didn’t give myself permission to realize just how cool I was.
I mean sure I was the kid in school who didn’t have the latest styles or most fashionable haircuts, but how cool was I to have a Mom who could kick it up on the dance floor in red hot pants during the Disco era?!? Or, knew the value of education outside the classroom, so she created field trips and outings to Broadway on school days to teach my little sister and me the benefit of art and theater?!? (Unfortunately, at the time, while other kids were longing for the cool Mom, all I wanted to do was fit in.)
How cool was I to have people in my life who loved me unconditionally?!?
How cool was I to be brave enough to embark on a career in law enforcement?!?
How cool was I to open a business without a business degree, living in a new state, with my closest connections living 3000 miles away?!?
How cool was I?!?
Pretty darn cool.
Sadly, my mind played tricks on me making me believe that spending time with other people is what made me be “good enough.”
What Happens When You Embrace Time Alone embrace time alone
If I could go back and tell the younger Lisa Marie about the truths I’ve learned in this arena of leadership, here is what I would share:
- Happiness, love, and joy are not something to hope for in the future. They are to be created and embraced in the here and now.
- Being alone doesn’t equate to being lonely. It’s possible to be with someone and feel more alone than when you’re by yourself — and to be alone and be completely at peace.
- Loneliness isn’t fixed when you surround yourself with more people. There were times when I would be sitting across from someone and feel alone. When I learned how to be unapologetically me, I became someone I wanted to be around, and others followed.
- Stop expecting perfection from imperfect people. I used to miss out on what was good because I was waiting for perfect to show up.
- Know the difference between fact and fiction. The stories that you create in your mind’s eye when someone walks by may only be a glimpse of their life. Stop writing the fairy tale story every time you see someone walk by. “He/she looks so happy. They must have an easy life. I bet he buys her flowers every week. I bet she makes him breakfast in bed. They must be the best of friends.” What people show us on the outside is not always what’s going on on the inside.
Being an Upside Thinker doesn’t me always remember this or that I’m always happy – and neither will you.
Last week, I had an emotional breakdown complete with sobbing and incoherent mutterings.
I’m thankful that my husband Jim and my dear friend Jo were there to pick up the pieces. Fortunately, those moments pass quickly (this one was about 10 minutes), but they still happen.
In my 7 Pillars of Leadership, the 2nd pillar is to know your personality.
Know your strengths.
Know what gets in the way of your great plan.
I’m always what gets in the way of my great plan.
More often than not, people tell me the same is true for them.
But, if you embrace who you are, what you want, and why it matters – the 3 foundational elements for my 1st book, Designing Your Destiny, you’ll discover that you can minimize sabotaging your plan, get more of what you want, and do it while enjoying every part of who you are.
Action Item:
The Upside Challenge of the week is to spend some time alone in a place that you would typically not go alone. Notice what comes up for you. Notice how you feel. And, then be sure to give yourself room to stretch into a new vision of what is possible for you to create throughout 2017.
People follow the person first, not their great plan. Be someone worth following.
See Upside. Be Upside. Live Upside.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
January 12, 2026
No matter how happy someone may seem, they have moments when they question if they can go on. And no matter how strong someone may appear, they have days when they feel like they're falling apart. That's one of the most confusing aspects of leadership. See, most leaders feel that because they're the one at the helm steering the ship, they should have it together and be "on" 24x7. And that's unrealistic. Yet that belief has caused many leaders to sink their ship because of the inability to reach out and ask for help. No one can go it alone. Every leader needs someone to lean on. Phrases like "Only the strong survive." and "You gotta just 'man' up." do more damage than good. I learned this when I was working in Federal law enforcement and 9/11 hit. The superhuman requests to work hours that pushed the body to the limits were a recipe for certain disaster. Men and women who may have needed someone to talk to themselves to process their grief were thrust into the grim reality that they were needed more than ever—and needed to be stronger than they knew how to do. One of the NYPD beat cops that I had befriended was in the middle of a shift when he had a full-blown meltdown on 5th Avenue in New York City six months after 9/11. The walk of leadership never has been—and never will be—a solo affair. You need other folks around you that you can trust and rely on in good times and not-so-good times. And I'm not talking about a friend, spouse, or family member. I'm talking about a trusted advisor with whom you can turn matter what is working or on fire. Because every leader deserves a space to be real, to be guided, and to be reminded of the truth of who they are . The kind of space I’ve devoted my life to creating for those called to lead from purpose. And when leaders have that kind of support, the moments that once felt too heavy begin to make sense. They find the strength to keep going because they’re no longer doing it on their own. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to think and name one person who you can turn to when leadership feels heavy. Reach out to one of them this week. Tell the truth about where you are. Because even leaders need a place to lean.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
January 5, 2026
As I look at how to move forward with a new year...I’m tasked with identifying what to do to take action in the here and now. It sometimes feels hard... which is why I’m grateful for friends who lend a listening ear. It feels as if no matter how much I wipe the surface of my white board, my old writing shows through. Leaders face this challenge all the time. ~ How to erase what’s holding them back... ... and how to embrace what will propel them forward without old stories seeping through. I believe that’s why this time of year is confronting for people. They’re faced with the dilemma of honestly facing whether they’ve taken action on what they said they wanted last year ... and looking at how much energy and effort they put into their commitments... while assessing what's still flippin' gettin' in the way. Some people run and hide – and then lie to themselves. Others play the blame game. Only the courageous take personal responsibility for their shortcomings... with renewed energy to do better moving forward. To do this, you’ve got to get curious. Looking at where you’re at in this moment will determine how successful you will be tomorrow. And, you can’t get to self-regulation without self-awareness so that’s also critical. You’re born with a certain success set point and tolerance for risk... ... as well as a boatload of behavioral characteristics... ... some which serve you and others that get in the way of your success. Over time, you can make adjustments or choose to step into old habits. Blind spots are places we just can’t see on our own. Upside Leaders was born out of my desire to walk alongside leaders in this very space... where the unseen becomes visible, and small, intentional shifts create lasting transformation. When I spoke with a friend, he said perhaps it's just allowing for a small shift to the left or right, rather than an uncovering. For me that 1% tilt has made all the difference... ... especially when I look through that lens with humility... ... which precedes personal and professional growth. You cannot improve where you’re headed unless you improve yourself. See this as a time to erase what is no longer relevant... put some effort into making sure the old writing on your "white board" doesn't seep through. You are writing a new story. ... look in the mirror... ... and commit to doing better. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to look at your current goals and circle the one that feels the most familiar. Challenge yourself to reimagine it and to stretch it by 1%. Ask, “ What would this look like if I led with full conviction instead of comfort? ” Then pause and listen for what you’re being asked to release so greater vision can unfold through you.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
December 29, 2025
Most folks are introverts at heart. They prefer to hole up and live inside their cave vs. venturing out to try something new. And most folks have a lot of excuses when you invite them to experience something that will require them to stretch their growth edges. ~ "I don't like to travel." ~ "Traveling is hard." ~ "I can't be away from my family." ~ "My business can't run without me." ~ "It's too much money." The thing is ... you've got to escape your cave—and be with other people. This isn't optional. It's how your ideas and path gets challenged in ways that are easier than finding out you're one decision from going out of business because you didn't see that train coming. When you do choose to connect with other folks, it's important that you're choosy with who you give your precious time to and where. That means if you go someplace that's free or cheap, that's likely the depth of the conversations you'll have. I get invited to lots of seminars, mastermind groups, and peer networking circles. Most of the invites are for me to come for free because having me in the room is valuable. I turn most of them down and go to the events that cost money. Why? Because there are TONS of free or cheap places to go to hang out with others in business ... and if that's where you spend your time and energy, you'll be stuck in the same place 5 years from now. When you come to an Upside Thinking event, you notice the folks around you are a little different. So if you're not showing up at least once a year at an Upside Thinking event, you're missing out on something important. Personally, I go to about 5 meetings a year where I seek to NOT be the smartest person in the room, actively inviting folks to challenge everything I'm saying. You should do the same. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to commit to attending at least one high-caliber event in the next twelve months where the investment of time, travel, and money feels like a stretch. Choose a room where you expect to be challenged, not affirmed, and where the conversations push you to see blind spots you didn’t know you had. Put it on your calendar now so it’s a non-negotiable.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
December 22, 2025
This message comes three days before Christmas, a season that calls us back to love and light, from a place of deep gratitude and a depth of humility that has me moved to tears. From the Festival of Lights to the upcoming New Year's festivities, celebrations are all around. Parties, gift giving and conversations about being merry and jolly seem to fill the air a bit more during this time of year. Yet, this experience isn't true for everyone. I am mindful that this time of year doesn't bring lightness and joy for all. It is a time of year that can trigger memories of years gone by... ... broken dreams and longing for people you wish you could pick up the phone and hear their voice one more time. If you have lost a loved one this year, or simply feel alone, even in a room filled with people, my heart goes out to you . I have experienced this countless times in my life while trying my best to pretend everything was good in my world. This past year has carried both challenges and triumphs, each one a reminder of how faithfully God shapes us through every season and strengthens us for what is next. If you suffered a loss that feels paralyzing and sometimes feel like you can't breathe while everyone makes merry, I celebrate the richness and depth of your emotions. You are appreciated. For who you are. For where you are at this moment. For how deeply, and passionately you care about others. And, for all that you are. You, my dear friend, are loved right now, more than my words could ever express. So, have courage, muster up the strength to pick up the phone and call someone if you need to. Remember the world needs you and your brilliance. And, yes, it’s possible to be both whole and gracefully broken open. It simply allows more of your light to be seen. Keep on shining brightly. As Christmas draws near, may this season wrap you in peace and remind you of the love and light that surround you. Whether this year has left you celebrating or healing, know that your presence matters and your light is needed. Merry Christmas... May the days ahead bring you strength, hope, and unexpected joy that warms your heart. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to identify and celebrate quiet wins. Before the year ends, name three wins from your organization that didn’t make headlines yet shaped growth. Share them with your people to remind them that every contribution matters.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
January 12, 2026
No matter how happy someone may seem, they have moments when they question if they can go on. And no matter how strong someone may appear, they have days when they feel like they're falling apart. That's one of the most confusing aspects of leadership. See, most leaders feel that because they're the one at the helm steering the ship, they should have it together and be "on" 24x7. And that's unrealistic. Yet that belief has caused many leaders to sink their ship because of the inability to reach out and ask for help. No one can go it alone. Every leader needs someone to lean on. Phrases like "Only the strong survive." and "You gotta just 'man' up." do more damage than good. I learned this when I was working in Federal law enforcement and 9/11 hit. The superhuman requests to work hours that pushed the body to the limits were a recipe for certain disaster. Men and women who may have needed someone to talk to themselves to process their grief were thrust into the grim reality that they were needed more than ever—and needed to be stronger than they knew how to do. One of the NYPD beat cops that I had befriended was in the middle of a shift when he had a full-blown meltdown on 5th Avenue in New York City six months after 9/11. The walk of leadership never has been—and never will be—a solo affair. You need other folks around you that you can trust and rely on in good times and not-so-good times. And I'm not talking about a friend, spouse, or family member. I'm talking about a trusted advisor with whom you can turn matter what is working or on fire. Because every leader deserves a space to be real, to be guided, and to be reminded of the truth of who they are . The kind of space I’ve devoted my life to creating for those called to lead from purpose. And when leaders have that kind of support, the moments that once felt too heavy begin to make sense. They find the strength to keep going because they’re no longer doing it on their own. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to think and name one person who you can turn to when leadership feels heavy. Reach out to one of them this week. Tell the truth about where you are. Because even leaders need a place to lean.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
January 5, 2026
As I look at how to move forward with a new year...I’m tasked with identifying what to do to take action in the here and now. It sometimes feels hard... which is why I’m grateful for friends who lend a listening ear. It feels as if no matter how much I wipe the surface of my white board, my old writing shows through. Leaders face this challenge all the time. ~ How to erase what’s holding them back... ... and how to embrace what will propel them forward without old stories seeping through. I believe that’s why this time of year is confronting for people. They’re faced with the dilemma of honestly facing whether they’ve taken action on what they said they wanted last year ... and looking at how much energy and effort they put into their commitments... while assessing what's still flippin' gettin' in the way. Some people run and hide – and then lie to themselves. Others play the blame game. Only the courageous take personal responsibility for their shortcomings... with renewed energy to do better moving forward. To do this, you’ve got to get curious. Looking at where you’re at in this moment will determine how successful you will be tomorrow. And, you can’t get to self-regulation without self-awareness so that’s also critical. You’re born with a certain success set point and tolerance for risk... ... as well as a boatload of behavioral characteristics... ... some which serve you and others that get in the way of your success. Over time, you can make adjustments or choose to step into old habits. Blind spots are places we just can’t see on our own. Upside Leaders was born out of my desire to walk alongside leaders in this very space... where the unseen becomes visible, and small, intentional shifts create lasting transformation. When I spoke with a friend, he said perhaps it's just allowing for a small shift to the left or right, rather than an uncovering. For me that 1% tilt has made all the difference... ... especially when I look through that lens with humility... ... which precedes personal and professional growth. You cannot improve where you’re headed unless you improve yourself. See this as a time to erase what is no longer relevant... put some effort into making sure the old writing on your "white board" doesn't seep through. You are writing a new story. ... look in the mirror... ... and commit to doing better. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to look at your current goals and circle the one that feels the most familiar. Challenge yourself to reimagine it and to stretch it by 1%. Ask, “ What would this look like if I led with full conviction instead of comfort? ” Then pause and listen for what you’re being asked to release so greater vision can unfold through you.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
December 29, 2025
Most folks are introverts at heart. They prefer to hole up and live inside their cave vs. venturing out to try something new. And most folks have a lot of excuses when you invite them to experience something that will require them to stretch their growth edges. ~ "I don't like to travel." ~ "Traveling is hard." ~ "I can't be away from my family." ~ "My business can't run without me." ~ "It's too much money." The thing is ... you've got to escape your cave—and be with other people. This isn't optional. It's how your ideas and path gets challenged in ways that are easier than finding out you're one decision from going out of business because you didn't see that train coming. When you do choose to connect with other folks, it's important that you're choosy with who you give your precious time to and where. That means if you go someplace that's free or cheap, that's likely the depth of the conversations you'll have. I get invited to lots of seminars, mastermind groups, and peer networking circles. Most of the invites are for me to come for free because having me in the room is valuable. I turn most of them down and go to the events that cost money. Why? Because there are TONS of free or cheap places to go to hang out with others in business ... and if that's where you spend your time and energy, you'll be stuck in the same place 5 years from now. When you come to an Upside Thinking event, you notice the folks around you are a little different. So if you're not showing up at least once a year at an Upside Thinking event, you're missing out on something important. Personally, I go to about 5 meetings a year where I seek to NOT be the smartest person in the room, actively inviting folks to challenge everything I'm saying. You should do the same. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to commit to attending at least one high-caliber event in the next twelve months where the investment of time, travel, and money feels like a stretch. Choose a room where you expect to be challenged, not affirmed, and where the conversations push you to see blind spots you didn’t know you had. Put it on your calendar now so it’s a non-negotiable.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
December 22, 2025
This message comes three days before Christmas, a season that calls us back to love and light, from a place of deep gratitude and a depth of humility that has me moved to tears. From the Festival of Lights to the upcoming New Year's festivities, celebrations are all around. Parties, gift giving and conversations about being merry and jolly seem to fill the air a bit more during this time of year. Yet, this experience isn't true for everyone. I am mindful that this time of year doesn't bring lightness and joy for all. It is a time of year that can trigger memories of years gone by... ... broken dreams and longing for people you wish you could pick up the phone and hear their voice one more time. If you have lost a loved one this year, or simply feel alone, even in a room filled with people, my heart goes out to you . I have experienced this countless times in my life while trying my best to pretend everything was good in my world. This past year has carried both challenges and triumphs, each one a reminder of how faithfully God shapes us through every season and strengthens us for what is next. If you suffered a loss that feels paralyzing and sometimes feel like you can't breathe while everyone makes merry, I celebrate the richness and depth of your emotions. You are appreciated. For who you are. For where you are at this moment. For how deeply, and passionately you care about others. And, for all that you are. You, my dear friend, are loved right now, more than my words could ever express. So, have courage, muster up the strength to pick up the phone and call someone if you need to. Remember the world needs you and your brilliance. And, yes, it’s possible to be both whole and gracefully broken open. It simply allows more of your light to be seen. Keep on shining brightly. As Christmas draws near, may this season wrap you in peace and remind you of the love and light that surround you. Whether this year has left you celebrating or healing, know that your presence matters and your light is needed. Merry Christmas... May the days ahead bring you strength, hope, and unexpected joy that warms your heart. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to identify and celebrate quiet wins. Before the year ends, name three wins from your organization that didn’t make headlines yet shaped growth. Share them with your people to remind them that every contribution matters.
