Three Types of Silence — and How to Be Fully Present and In The Moment

At my annual Design Your Destiny LIVE event, I teach my 7 Pillars of Leadership curriculum for 3 days.

Throughout the event, I speak about the importance of being someone who shows up for others and one of the pillars is how to build powerful partnerships.

Because I believe those who are given much have a responsibility to share their time, talent, and treasure, I have also awarded over $20,000 in scholarships over the past 8 years to both women and men in business who were either starting out or struggling.

IMG_0387Five years ago, I created a Super Givers community and gave attendees an opportunity to make a financial contribution in exchange for a gift certificate that could be used for my services, several copies of my book Turn Possibilities into Realities, and a bonus Q & A call with me – and 100% of the monies are donated to an international charity to support women in developing nations and a non-profit that gives low-income, minority young adults leadership training so they can effect change in the world.

Last Wednesday, I hosted my annual Super Givers call where I give participants an opportunity to ask their burning questions about the content.

There were questions asked about vision, priorities, organizing your day, email, time management, commitment, vulnerability, positioning, connection, brain science, and much more.

It was awe-inspiring to feel the strength of each of the women on the call — and their desire to make a big impact in the world by using their gifts.

Because this is my gift to the Super Givers community, I stay on the call as long as it takes to answer everyone’s questions, holding space for each person to ask what they need.

I hold the same space when I’m on group coaching calls with my clients – and the individuals who volunteer at Design Your Destiny LIVE each year hold space for me.

The definition of “to hold” as a verb is to “….carry, or support with one’s arms….”

Think about that. To carry or support with one’s arms.hand-846092_640

“Holding space” involves me emptying myself from any thoughts that limit me from being fully present. It’s as if I’m stretching out my arms in a virtual area to support another’s greatness.

Often times when I’m “holding space” there is silence for prolonged periods of time.

Silence can make people uncomfortable, however, it can also be a powerful tool.

There are three (3) types of silence:
1. Unnerved Silence: This is when you feel awkward with another person so you feel you need to say something.

2. Distracted Silence: This is when your brain is trying to think of things to say because you feel uneasy being alone with your own thoughts so you try to fill up the space with words.

3. Inspired Silence: This is when you feel comfortable around someone that there is no need for you to speak. You are accepted and can just be.

You have probably been uncomfortable with silence at some point in your life – and experienced one or all three types of silence.

I know I have.

There have been times where nonsense came out of my mouth just to fill up space in a conversation – and when I was uneasy with my own thoughts that I just needed to make noise.

But, when I have been fully present and accepting with myself and others, inspired silence creates a peace that is awe-inspiring when you witness it.

By giving participants the space they need, there is no fear or shame for being too quick or too slow to ask a question or answer.

As I say at Design Your Destiny Live, it’s like entering a “no-judgment zone”.

You are given permission to be perfect just the way you are.

And, who doesn’t want to be loved, valued, and appreciated for exactly who they are?!?

ACTION ITEM: The Upside Challenge of the week is to notice the times when you are most comfortable or uncomfortable with silence and why.

People follow the person first, then their great plan.

Be someone worth following.

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