Saying “No” to a “Me, too” Life

Independence Day has just passed, and this year, it holds even deeper meaning for me. Twenty years ago, right around this time of year, I made a decision that would forever change my life. Back then, I believed leadership was about tactics. ~ How well you could communicate. ~ How skillfully you could negotiate. ~ How strategically you could build influence. I threw myself into learning every tool, every technique, every system I could find. I believed that if I mastered the tactical side of leadership, success would naturally follow. For a while, it looked like it was working. I traveled, I spoke, I trained leaders across industries. I had a seat at the table where big decisions were made. From the outside, everything seemed to be lining up the way it should. Inside, though, something was missing. No matter how many tools I taught, no matter how many strategies people mastered, they kept coming back saying, "It’s still not working." If I was honest, I felt the same way too. It was not a tactical problem. It was a spiritual one. In the early years, I spent all my energy giving people what I thought they needed. I handed them the best "wineskins" the world had to offer. The Bible talks about wineskins, and how you cannot pour new wine into old wineskins. If you do, the skins will burst and the wine will spill. The old wineskin, the way of doing leadership without being deeply connected to your Divine purpose, was not producing fruit - not lasting fruit. When I finally saw that, everything shifted. It became clear that leadership was not about tactics alone. ~ It was about who you are, what you want and why it matters. ~ It was about uncovering the Divine purpose planted within you before the world told you who you should be. Because if you are not aligned with your purpose, it does not matter how many tools you master. The foundation will not hold and the fruit will not last. Today, my work looks very different than it did twenty years ago. I still share tools, and I still value practical skills. These are important. They only make a lasting impact, when the heart-work is done first. That is why I created the Upside Leaders program , the Upside Retreats , and the Upside Thinking Live . Each one is designed to help you anchor deeply into your who you are, what you want and why it matters, so you can lead from a place of truth, not just tactics. As I celebrate this milestone, I want to thank you. Whether you have been part of this community for years or you just recently joined, you are part of the story that God continues to write. And there is so much more ahead... ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to set a timer for 10 minutes and create a " Release and Receive" list. Write down one habit, strategy, or belief about leadership that no longer aligns with who you are, then physically cross it off, shred it, or throw it away as a sign of release. Immediately after, write one new action you will take this week that reflects the leader you are being shaped into and schedule it on your calendar. Transformation does not happen by wishing for change, it happens when you move in faith toward it.

The greater something is to your personal growth and evolution, the more resistance or push-back you will experience from the world and the people you love. Think about that. You’ve got a force inside of you that works against your desire to be better. In his 2002 book, “ The War of Art” , Steven Pressfield talks about this inner force as "the resistance". This inner force or resistance you feel creates distractions to take you off-course from fully stepping into who you're called to be. Activities like… Scrolling through Instagram Watching your favorite TV show or movie Shopping for more cool stuff … may seem fun yet they aren't designed to get you closer to what you want most in life. They also won’t move you forward in every single area of your life. And yet, you still find yourself doing them. Why? Because Resistance is subtle. It doesn’t shout—it settles. It lulls you into routine. Resistance may pull you into a comfortable groove where you just keep doing what you’ve been doing, ... and someday you wake up wondering, “How did I get here?!?” You’re not off track for feeling this way. You’re simply at a pivotal point, one that asks you to decide who you’re becoming. Moments like this aren’t meant to be rushed. They’re invitations to rise, realign, and remember what matters most. Resistance is where the growth is. It’s time to push back against it. What are you waiting for? ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to choose one area—leadership, relationships, health, or spiritual growth—and make one intentional move in that space. Do it with presence. Do it on purpose. Here are a few ideas: Begin your day by speaking one thing you’re grateful for. Hold off on replying to that text until you can be fully present. Take 60 seconds before a meeting to get still and set your intention. You don’t need more tasks. You need aligned action.

You probably don’t want to be in the same place a week from now, let alone a year from now. Yet, you keep doing the same thing over and over and over again, expecting different results. You would never add 1 + 1 again and again — and expect your answer to be 3. So, stop doing the same things over and over hoping that you’ll magically be where you want to be — and everything you want for your life and business will come to fruition. Sometimes you need a new way of being, thinking, and living. That was one of the hardest lessons I've ever learned. Not knowing a lot about how to start a business, I relied on what I thought was the wisdom from other business owners. I didn't make decisions based on whether the people I had hired and listened to were 1) where I wanted to be, or 2) who I wanted to be when I got there. I looked at success as having a formula, and I just wanted to know what that formula was so I could get my piece of the pie. As each week went by, I got further and further away from the values I held dear before I started my entrepreneurial journey. I found that I was making decisions based on what seemed like I had to do versus what I wanted to do. So much of my day was spent chasing "opportunities" that I darn near lost my way. I remember one day looking up and thinking, " How the heck did I get here?!? " From the outside, it looked like I've got a great business, yet on the inside, if I'm honest with myself, I don't like what I'm doing, or who I have to pretend to be to do it. Every day felt like I added one more layer to the façade. Over the years, I've bought into the belief that I needed to be something — correction someone — different than who God made me to be. I can't tell you how many clients have come to me with that monkey on their back. A new way of thinking, being, and living was an arduous journey. I knew the path I was on. It had become familiar. And I was quite comfortable with the folks in my circle. Yet this wasn't the place for me to stay if I was going to do what God had been nudging me to do all along. I remember the first time I used the word Holy Spirit in one of my marketing pieces. I waited for the backlash to come. I waited for folks to call me out on who I was, and whether I had the right to speak about God. After all, I wasn't a pastor, a preacher, or someone who held a degree in religious studies. And yet, when no backlash came… when instead, I heard “ Thank you for saying what I’ve been feeling, ” something shifted. I realized I didn’t need another strategy. I needed alignment. Both in my business and in my whole life. The truth is, you already know when something isn’t working. You feel it. It nags at you in quiet moments. It whispers that what you’re doing is no longer sustainable — and maybe never was. So, let me ask you this: If nothing changes, where will you be this time next year? Because if you're still adding 1 + 1, you'll still be getting 2. And maybe what you need isn't just a new plan, maybe you need a new path. One that doesn’t force you to abandon who you are, and instead invites you to bring more of yourself into every space you lead. If something’s stirring in you, don’t brush it off. You weren’t made for surface-level success. You were made to lead from the inside out. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to slow down before making any decision — big or small. Ask yourself: "Is this aligned with who I am and where I’m being called? Or is this just what I’ve always done?" Then choose from that place of awareness. Becoming a purpose-led leader isn’t about doing more — it’s about being intentional with every step you take. Let this practice guide you back to alignment, one decision at a time.