Do You Have an Emotional Regulation Strategy?
LisaMarie • February 15, 2021
While I’m a leadership coach, I want a client’s entire life to be filled with ease, not just their career or business life.
This means being aware of what is going on in their individual personal life — physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, spiritually, and relationally.
Yesterday was Valentine’s Day which can be a tender time for leaders who appear to have it all together in the work arena.
Perhaps you understand…
This also means paying attention to the collective energy on the planet which has continued to be unsteady at best.
One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is to have an emotional self-regulation strategy especially in times of uncertainty.
I learned this as I lived through 9/11.
This is why at the onset of negative news around the global pandemic, I met with my team to talk about ways to increase support in the areas of emotional resiliency for our clients and partners.
We added trainings and increased our touch points to foster open dialogue and lines of communication.
Our conversations weren’t solely about business or growth. They were about self-care, connection, and the stages of grief.
Many of our calls were simply about giving people a forum that included permission to feel and express those feelings.
The loss you may have experienced with access to jobs, friends and family, and countless unknowns (Will schools ever fully return? Will the virus get worse? Will racism ever be dismantled?) has made the burden feel heavier and heavier.
I read an article that spoke about the 2nd burnout wave in organizations as more people realize there is nothing normal about what is going on in their lives.
Yet, I’ve also had conversations with people who are thriving because of their emotional regulation strategy and willingness to lean in to what is.
Dr. Marc Brackett, founder and director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence wrote a book entitled, Permission to Feel, where he outlines the concept of an emotional regulation strategy to feel better and move through challenging times with ease.
Emotions are simply biological states associated with the nervous system. A neuro-physical change in the body gets created because of your thoughts or feelings that evoke pleasure or displeasure. (Even scientists struggle to define them.)
Brackett defines healthy emotion regulation as: “The ‘thoughts’ or ‘actions’ we use to prevent, reduce, incite, maintain, or enhance well-being, build positive relationships, make sound decisions, and attain goals.”
The 7 areas to create your own emotional self-regulation strategy are:
1. Physiologic regulation (deep breathing, paying attention to your body)
2. Self-Care (sleep, nutrition/diet, exercise)
3. Healthy Relationships (feeling valued, loved, appreciated, and feeling safe)
4. Managing your thoughts (positive self-talk)
5. Managing your life smoothly (routines, habits, rhythms)
6. Engaging in meaningful activities (doing things you love)
7. Forgiveness (giving yourself and everyone else permission to get it wrong – and to forgive)
Dr. Brackett shares you don’t have to have all seven in place at any one time – and there isn’t a right formula.
It’s like the 7 Pillars of Leadership I speak about at Design Your Destiny Live as what is important is creating a strategy that works for you, so you can do your best work and your people can connect with your best self.
When I speak with colleagues and clients, I can see how by consciously managing these areas to achieve greater regulation and resiliency, they’re creating new projects, opportunities, and growth avenues.
I’m feeling their vitality to capitalize on innovative ways to engage in virtual forums.
The good news is, these leaders have the kind of energy that inspires and lifts others around them.
ACTION: The Upside Challenge of the week is to rate yourself in each area of emotional self-regulation.
What area you want to commit to giving more energy to?
What area you want to celebrate your success in?
What area do you want to share with others?
The world needs you and your brilliance.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
January 5, 2026
As I look at how to move forward with a new year...I’m tasked with identifying what to do to take action in the here and now. It sometimes feels hard... which is why I’m grateful for friends who lend a listening ear. It feels as if no matter how much I wipe the surface of my white board, my old writing shows through. Leaders face this challenge all the time. ~ How to erase what’s holding them back... ... and how to embrace what will propel them forward without old stories seeping through. I believe that’s why this time of year is confronting for people. They’re faced with the dilemma of honestly facing whether they’ve taken action on what they said they wanted last year ... and looking at how much energy and effort they put into their commitments... while assessing what's still flippin' gettin' in the way. Some people run and hide – and then lie to themselves. Others play the blame game. Only the courageous take personal responsibility for their shortcomings... with renewed energy to do better moving forward. To do this, you’ve got to get curious. Looking at where you’re at in this moment will determine how successful you will be tomorrow. And, you can’t get to self-regulation without self-awareness so that’s also critical. You’re born with a certain success set point and tolerance for risk... ... as well as a boatload of behavioral characteristics... ... some which serve you and others that get in the way of your success. Over time, you can make adjustments or choose to step into old habits. Blind spots are places we just can’t see on our own. Upside Leaders was born out of my desire to walk alongside leaders in this very space... where the unseen becomes visible, and small, intentional shifts create lasting transformation. When I spoke with a friend, he said perhaps it's just allowing for a small shift to the left or right, rather than an uncovering. For me that 1% tilt has made all the difference... ... especially when I look through that lens with humility... ... which precedes personal and professional growth. You cannot improve where you’re headed unless you improve yourself. See this as a time to erase what is no longer relevant... put some effort into making sure the old writing on your "white board" doesn't seep through. You are writing a new story. ... look in the mirror... ... and commit to doing better. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to look at your current goals and circle the one that feels the most familiar. Challenge yourself to reimagine it and to stretch it by 1%. Ask, “ What would this look like if I led with full conviction instead of comfort? ” Then pause and listen for what you’re being asked to release so greater vision can unfold through you.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
December 29, 2025
Most folks are introverts at heart. They prefer to hole up and live inside their cave vs. venturing out to try something new. And most folks have a lot of excuses when you invite them to experience something that will require them to stretch their growth edges. ~ "I don't like to travel." ~ "Traveling is hard." ~ "I can't be away from my family." ~ "My business can't run without me." ~ "It's too much money." The thing is ... you've got to escape your cave—and be with other people. This isn't optional. It's how your ideas and path gets challenged in ways that are easier than finding out you're one decision from going out of business because you didn't see that train coming. When you do choose to connect with other folks, it's important that you're choosy with who you give your precious time to and where. That means if you go someplace that's free or cheap, that's likely the depth of the conversations you'll have. I get invited to lots of seminars, mastermind groups, and peer networking circles. Most of the invites are for me to come for free because having me in the room is valuable. I turn most of them down and go to the events that cost money. Why? Because there are TONS of free or cheap places to go to hang out with others in business ... and if that's where you spend your time and energy, you'll be stuck in the same place 5 years from now. When you come to an Upside Thinking event, you notice the folks around you are a little different. So if you're not showing up at least once a year at an Upside Thinking event, you're missing out on something important. Personally, I go to about 5 meetings a year where I seek to NOT be the smartest person in the room, actively inviting folks to challenge everything I'm saying. You should do the same. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to commit to attending at least one high-caliber event in the next twelve months where the investment of time, travel, and money feels like a stretch. Choose a room where you expect to be challenged, not affirmed, and where the conversations push you to see blind spots you didn’t know you had. Put it on your calendar now so it’s a non-negotiable.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
December 22, 2025
This message comes three days before Christmas, a season that calls us back to love and light, from a place of deep gratitude and a depth of humility that has me moved to tears. From the Festival of Lights to the upcoming New Year's festivities, celebrations are all around. Parties, gift giving and conversations about being merry and jolly seem to fill the air a bit more during this time of year. Yet, this experience isn't true for everyone. I am mindful that this time of year doesn't bring lightness and joy for all. It is a time of year that can trigger memories of years gone by... ... broken dreams and longing for people you wish you could pick up the phone and hear their voice one more time. If you have lost a loved one this year, or simply feel alone, even in a room filled with people, my heart goes out to you . I have experienced this countless times in my life while trying my best to pretend everything was good in my world. This past year has carried both challenges and triumphs, each one a reminder of how faithfully God shapes us through every season and strengthens us for what is next. If you suffered a loss that feels paralyzing and sometimes feel like you can't breathe while everyone makes merry, I celebrate the richness and depth of your emotions. You are appreciated. For who you are. For where you are at this moment. For how deeply, and passionately you care about others. And, for all that you are. You, my dear friend, are loved right now, more than my words could ever express. So, have courage, muster up the strength to pick up the phone and call someone if you need to. Remember the world needs you and your brilliance. And, yes, it’s possible to be both whole and gracefully broken open. It simply allows more of your light to be seen. Keep on shining brightly. As Christmas draws near, may this season wrap you in peace and remind you of the love and light that surround you. Whether this year has left you celebrating or healing, know that your presence matters and your light is needed. Merry Christmas... May the days ahead bring you strength, hope, and unexpected joy that warms your heart. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to identify and celebrate quiet wins. Before the year ends, name three wins from your organization that didn’t make headlines yet shaped growth. Share them with your people to remind them that every contribution matters.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
December 15, 2025
There are forces in the world that are intangible and unseen. Yet most folks rely on their physical senses, relying solely on what they can see, touch, weigh, and measure. I've often thought about Thomas in the Bible and what must have been going through his head to say, "Until I see His hands, feel the wounds of the nails, and put my hand to His side, I won't believe what you are saying." Oh, I get being skeptical to what cannot be explained. For safety's sake, I'm someone who wants a tangible, rational explanation for things in life. When something goes up, I expect there's a down. When something goes left, I expect there's a right. When things don't add up in the way that I've been told life works, it's confronting. When I look at leadership through this lens, I can better understand why my expectations of others haven't often been met. The majority of folks don't have the ability to cope with things that don't seem to make sense. Speaking about an intangible force that ensures the world keeps on spinning is more than just the universal law of gravity. That's God. And there's no simple explanation. Try to wrap your head around how the ground beneath your feet is actually suspended in mid-air, circling around a sun. Forces of nature like tornados and thunderstorms leave all folks helpless and feeling out of control. Because they are. It's not that most folks are ignorant about forces that are unseen and intangible. It's just they choose not to acknowledge their very power - and the amount of intelligence that is accessible when acknowledged. When I opened my business over 20 years ago and got into teaching leadership, I thought there was a simplicity to the work, where if certain principles were understood you could thrive. Over time, I've discovered that's just not true. Much of what occurs on the planet and in everyday life is entangled with cosmic alignment. People create all sorts of stories so they can wrap their head around that, so it's easier to digest rather than just understanding there are some things that you cannot explain. And again, for me, that's God. When I brought God into my body of leadership work, it started to make sense in ways that are hard to describe. There are no expectations about this plus that equals something else, as with intangible, unseen forces, the equation can have exponential results that cannot be explained. There is a way leadership comes alive when you make room for what cannot be explained. The moments when reason falls short and human understanding runs out are often the moments when the most extraordinary answers arrive. I have seen doors open that no strategy could have forced. I have watched solutions appear in the exact moment they were needed. That is what happens when you lead with an awareness of the One who holds it all together. The results may not make sense on paper, yet they carry a power that shapes lives and outlasts you. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to choose one leadership challenge you are facing right now. Write down what you can see and measure. Then name what you sense is also shaping the outcome — a conversation that came at just the right time, a shift in someone’s openness, an inner knowing you can’t ignore, a divine alignment that placed the right person in your path. Let both guide your next step.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
January 5, 2026
As I look at how to move forward with a new year...I’m tasked with identifying what to do to take action in the here and now. It sometimes feels hard... which is why I’m grateful for friends who lend a listening ear. It feels as if no matter how much I wipe the surface of my white board, my old writing shows through. Leaders face this challenge all the time. ~ How to erase what’s holding them back... ... and how to embrace what will propel them forward without old stories seeping through. I believe that’s why this time of year is confronting for people. They’re faced with the dilemma of honestly facing whether they’ve taken action on what they said they wanted last year ... and looking at how much energy and effort they put into their commitments... while assessing what's still flippin' gettin' in the way. Some people run and hide – and then lie to themselves. Others play the blame game. Only the courageous take personal responsibility for their shortcomings... with renewed energy to do better moving forward. To do this, you’ve got to get curious. Looking at where you’re at in this moment will determine how successful you will be tomorrow. And, you can’t get to self-regulation without self-awareness so that’s also critical. You’re born with a certain success set point and tolerance for risk... ... as well as a boatload of behavioral characteristics... ... some which serve you and others that get in the way of your success. Over time, you can make adjustments or choose to step into old habits. Blind spots are places we just can’t see on our own. Upside Leaders was born out of my desire to walk alongside leaders in this very space... where the unseen becomes visible, and small, intentional shifts create lasting transformation. When I spoke with a friend, he said perhaps it's just allowing for a small shift to the left or right, rather than an uncovering. For me that 1% tilt has made all the difference... ... especially when I look through that lens with humility... ... which precedes personal and professional growth. You cannot improve where you’re headed unless you improve yourself. See this as a time to erase what is no longer relevant... put some effort into making sure the old writing on your "white board" doesn't seep through. You are writing a new story. ... look in the mirror... ... and commit to doing better. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to look at your current goals and circle the one that feels the most familiar. Challenge yourself to reimagine it and to stretch it by 1%. Ask, “ What would this look like if I led with full conviction instead of comfort? ” Then pause and listen for what you’re being asked to release so greater vision can unfold through you.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
December 29, 2025
Most folks are introverts at heart. They prefer to hole up and live inside their cave vs. venturing out to try something new. And most folks have a lot of excuses when you invite them to experience something that will require them to stretch their growth edges. ~ "I don't like to travel." ~ "Traveling is hard." ~ "I can't be away from my family." ~ "My business can't run without me." ~ "It's too much money." The thing is ... you've got to escape your cave—and be with other people. This isn't optional. It's how your ideas and path gets challenged in ways that are easier than finding out you're one decision from going out of business because you didn't see that train coming. When you do choose to connect with other folks, it's important that you're choosy with who you give your precious time to and where. That means if you go someplace that's free or cheap, that's likely the depth of the conversations you'll have. I get invited to lots of seminars, mastermind groups, and peer networking circles. Most of the invites are for me to come for free because having me in the room is valuable. I turn most of them down and go to the events that cost money. Why? Because there are TONS of free or cheap places to go to hang out with others in business ... and if that's where you spend your time and energy, you'll be stuck in the same place 5 years from now. When you come to an Upside Thinking event, you notice the folks around you are a little different. So if you're not showing up at least once a year at an Upside Thinking event, you're missing out on something important. Personally, I go to about 5 meetings a year where I seek to NOT be the smartest person in the room, actively inviting folks to challenge everything I'm saying. You should do the same. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to commit to attending at least one high-caliber event in the next twelve months where the investment of time, travel, and money feels like a stretch. Choose a room where you expect to be challenged, not affirmed, and where the conversations push you to see blind spots you didn’t know you had. Put it on your calendar now so it’s a non-negotiable.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
December 22, 2025
This message comes three days before Christmas, a season that calls us back to love and light, from a place of deep gratitude and a depth of humility that has me moved to tears. From the Festival of Lights to the upcoming New Year's festivities, celebrations are all around. Parties, gift giving and conversations about being merry and jolly seem to fill the air a bit more during this time of year. Yet, this experience isn't true for everyone. I am mindful that this time of year doesn't bring lightness and joy for all. It is a time of year that can trigger memories of years gone by... ... broken dreams and longing for people you wish you could pick up the phone and hear their voice one more time. If you have lost a loved one this year, or simply feel alone, even in a room filled with people, my heart goes out to you . I have experienced this countless times in my life while trying my best to pretend everything was good in my world. This past year has carried both challenges and triumphs, each one a reminder of how faithfully God shapes us through every season and strengthens us for what is next. If you suffered a loss that feels paralyzing and sometimes feel like you can't breathe while everyone makes merry, I celebrate the richness and depth of your emotions. You are appreciated. For who you are. For where you are at this moment. For how deeply, and passionately you care about others. And, for all that you are. You, my dear friend, are loved right now, more than my words could ever express. So, have courage, muster up the strength to pick up the phone and call someone if you need to. Remember the world needs you and your brilliance. And, yes, it’s possible to be both whole and gracefully broken open. It simply allows more of your light to be seen. Keep on shining brightly. As Christmas draws near, may this season wrap you in peace and remind you of the love and light that surround you. Whether this year has left you celebrating or healing, know that your presence matters and your light is needed. Merry Christmas... May the days ahead bring you strength, hope, and unexpected joy that warms your heart. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to identify and celebrate quiet wins. Before the year ends, name three wins from your organization that didn’t make headlines yet shaped growth. Share them with your people to remind them that every contribution matters.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
December 15, 2025
There are forces in the world that are intangible and unseen. Yet most folks rely on their physical senses, relying solely on what they can see, touch, weigh, and measure. I've often thought about Thomas in the Bible and what must have been going through his head to say, "Until I see His hands, feel the wounds of the nails, and put my hand to His side, I won't believe what you are saying." Oh, I get being skeptical to what cannot be explained. For safety's sake, I'm someone who wants a tangible, rational explanation for things in life. When something goes up, I expect there's a down. When something goes left, I expect there's a right. When things don't add up in the way that I've been told life works, it's confronting. When I look at leadership through this lens, I can better understand why my expectations of others haven't often been met. The majority of folks don't have the ability to cope with things that don't seem to make sense. Speaking about an intangible force that ensures the world keeps on spinning is more than just the universal law of gravity. That's God. And there's no simple explanation. Try to wrap your head around how the ground beneath your feet is actually suspended in mid-air, circling around a sun. Forces of nature like tornados and thunderstorms leave all folks helpless and feeling out of control. Because they are. It's not that most folks are ignorant about forces that are unseen and intangible. It's just they choose not to acknowledge their very power - and the amount of intelligence that is accessible when acknowledged. When I opened my business over 20 years ago and got into teaching leadership, I thought there was a simplicity to the work, where if certain principles were understood you could thrive. Over time, I've discovered that's just not true. Much of what occurs on the planet and in everyday life is entangled with cosmic alignment. People create all sorts of stories so they can wrap their head around that, so it's easier to digest rather than just understanding there are some things that you cannot explain. And again, for me, that's God. When I brought God into my body of leadership work, it started to make sense in ways that are hard to describe. There are no expectations about this plus that equals something else, as with intangible, unseen forces, the equation can have exponential results that cannot be explained. There is a way leadership comes alive when you make room for what cannot be explained. The moments when reason falls short and human understanding runs out are often the moments when the most extraordinary answers arrive. I have seen doors open that no strategy could have forced. I have watched solutions appear in the exact moment they were needed. That is what happens when you lead with an awareness of the One who holds it all together. The results may not make sense on paper, yet they carry a power that shapes lives and outlasts you. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to choose one leadership challenge you are facing right now. Write down what you can see and measure. Then name what you sense is also shaping the outcome — a conversation that came at just the right time, a shift in someone’s openness, an inner knowing you can’t ignore, a divine alignment that placed the right person in your path. Let both guide your next step.
