Why Boundaries Are Necessary, Healthy and Loving

Every so often, I read something that inspires me to be better. After a month of giving to clients at two retreats and working privately with a client through a one-on-one VIP leadership retreat at Summit Hills Farm, this story touches me in a very deep way. Sometimes folks ask me if it's possible to overgive. This story answers that question beautifully. "I asked the leaf whether it was frightened because it was autumn and the other leaves were falling. The leaf told me, "No. During the whole spring and summer, I was completely alive. I worked hard to help nourish the tree, and now much of me is in the tree. I am not limited by this form. I am also the whole tree, and when I go back to the soil, I will continue to nourish the tree. So I don’t worry at all. As I leave this branch and float to the ground, I will wave to the tree and tell her, 'I will see you again very soon'." That day, there was a wind blowing and, after a while, I saw the leaf leave the branch and float down to the soil, dancing joyfully, because as it floated it saw itself already there in the tree. It was so happy. I bowed my head, knowing that I have a lot to learn from the leaf." ~ Thich Nhat Hanh Reading that story reminded me of the leaders I encounter. The ones who give deeply, love fiercely, and show up fully, even when no one’s watching. You may not always see the impact you’re having. You may wonder if it’s too much, or if it even matters. What I know to be true is... Nothing is ever wasted. ~ Every act of service… ~ Every moment of generosity… ~ Every time you choose love over fear… ... It all lives on. Just like the leaf, your presence remains long after the moment passes. What you’ve built and what you’ve become—it stays on. So if you’ve been wondering whether it’s okay to rest, to pause, to let go… It is. Because your leadership is already rooted in what you've poured yourself into. This is the holy space between what was and what’s next. And you, leader, are right on time. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to write one truth you know about leadership or legacy on a sticky note or card. Make it simple and true for you. Maybe it’s… “My presence changes the room.” “I was created to lead with love.” “What I build matters.” And then place it somewhere you’ll see it—your mirror, your journal, the dashboard of your car. Let it meet you in the in-between moments. And let it serve as a reminder of who you are.

For years, Valentine’s Day has been my 2nd favorite holiday after Thanksgiving. Every year, I notice people talking about love and being loving, equating it to what they got from their partner. One year, I wrote a post where I joked around about asking Jim for toilets — which was true. And some folks were horrified. Valentine's Day hasn't been one of my favorite holidays for 4 decades because of the gifts I've received, although I have gotten some spectacular ones. Rather, Valentine's Day offers folks a reminder to see through the lens of love, no matter where they're at or what they're experiencing. LOVE is the vibration I want to operate on 365 days throughout the year. It’s how I want to be REMEMBERED. In a few days, Jim and I will celebrate 21 years of marriage. Yes, 21 years. That kind of time gives you a deeper understanding of what love really is. And it’s not always grand or visible. Being loving and kind isn’t hard to do. And it's not easy, either. It does require intentional choice in every circumstance and situation. Once you set your mind that’s who you want to be, you’ll see opportunities to be loving and kind all day long. Researchers have discovered that you also get what’s called the ‘helper’s high’ when you operate this way… …because acts of altruism trigger the same endorphins as a ‘runner’s high.' What does this look like? Smile. At people you’ve never met. Hold the door open for a stranger. Give BIG hugs to the people you care about most. Say “please” – and say “thank you”. You’d be surprised at how few people actually do. Surprise a friend with a phone call or a gift of appreciation … for no reason other than they were on your mind. Give back and volunteer your time at a colleague’s event, local animal shelter, or soup kitchen. (Yes, they still have those.) Pay for someone’s cup of coffee at the drive-thru or the person standing behind you in line at Starbucks. When I lived in New Jersey, I used to pay for people’s tolls before EZPass came along and took away the fun of it. Go through your closet and donate the clothing you still love, yet haven’t worn in a long time. Look for opportunities to pay someone a compliment – and then do it. You just may make their day. Text or call a loved one just to say, “I’m thinking about you…” Bring your neighbors flowers. Loving-kindness is just a way of being. You don’t need a special day or any holiday for LOVE to show up. And the best leaders get this. So if you want to be the kind of leader who leaves a legacy... Start there. Lead with love. Even when no one’s watching. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to practice one unseen act of loving-kindness. Choose one person in your world — a colleague, neighbor, team member, or friend — and do something kind without telling them it was you. It can be a handwritten note, a small gift, a thoughtful gesture, or an act of service. Then notice how it shifts you — because powerful leadership begins in the places no one else sees.

When I was 6 years old, I understood there was something powerful for me to do on the planet. A mission that was bigger than me. Bigger than I could comprehend. And I get that sounds crazy as I was simultaneously learning how to count, and add 4 + 6 to come up with 10. What I can tell you that I'm clear about is that despite that inner knowing, I floundered over the years trying to figure out how I could really step into this Calling. How could this possibly be mine to do?!? From hiding it, burying it, and avoiding it, it seemed I kept running away from what I knew was mine to do in the world. There is a shift that happens in a person’s life when they realize it’s time to step up and become the leader they are destined to be. ~ To make an impact ~ To be a force for good on the planet ~ To step into their Calling See, God doesn't give folks little missions. They're all big and designed for exactly how you're wired. For me, it started with a grand vision as a little girl. For others, it may reveal itself over time, perhaps after decades of transformational experiences. Your mission matters—and the world needs you and your brilliance. So, regardless of whether you are on your journey, it’s time to look at leadership from this lens vs. that of job positions and titles. Now’s the moment to stop questioning whether it’s yours. It is. And the next step is yours to take. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to sit down and ask yourself: What’s one thing I keep feeling called to do yet I haven’t acted on? Name it and just write it down. Then decide how you’ll honor it in the next 48 hours. Take one clear, intentional step.