Why Boundaries Are Necessary, Healthy and Loving
Lisa Marie Platske • February 20, 2017
Took me a while to realize how boundaries are necessary, healthy and loving. So, how can YOU set boundaries in your personal and professional life? Get out your sharpies, crayons, or colored pencils and let’s create healthy boundaries for yourself.
I’m still on cloud 9 after an incredible Design Your Destiny Live™ event in January.
My heart is still overflowing and I envision this feeling staying with me all year long.Upside Thinking Boundaries are necessary healthy and loving.
On day #2, we spend over an hour talking about how to live your priorities which is one of the 7 Pillars of Leadership.
The element within this pillar that comes up for clients – and just about every business person I know – is how to set boundaries in your personal and professional life.
A boundary is defined as “a line that marks the limits of an area” so boundaries are simply the lines that you draw that regulate what you want in your life.
Jim and I traveled to Rome in November enjoying exceptional dining experiences and setting our eyes on some of the world’s most amazing artwork and architecture.
Because I have a commitment to myself about providing the best possible coaching support for my clients, it’s always tricky for me when I’m out of the office for long periods of time.
While I believe in setting boundaries so that I take care of myself and those I love, I know that when I don’t honor my commitments to myself, I feel anxious and stressed out.
Sheri and I have had long conversations about this and she serves as a lifeline between me and my clients.
When I plan a vacation, she prefers that I do very little work and trust her to manage Upside Thinking, Inc.
Years ago, I didn’t know how to do this so I would wake up extra early and jump on my computer for hours each morning.
Imagine sitting in a hotel in breathtaking Buenos Aires, Argentina and trying to juggle being present to my husband and my clients all at the same time!
After day #3, I was feeling sorry for myself and decided that I was violating every tenet I shared in my business.
I was feeling anger bubble up when my husband would ask me to go to breakfast – and I had one more email to get out.
Doesn’t he know that I don’t just have a job – – I run a business?!? (Ouch. You can see where that conversation can go. Nowhere good – and fast.)
I was also feeling the anger bubble up when I was typing the email to my clients.
Don’t they know that I deserve to have time off, too?!? Don’t they know that I can’t be at their beck and call?!? (Ouch. Who would WANT to work with me with this attitude?!? Yep. Leadership expert extraordinaire.)
Oh, the pressure I put on myself to “get it right” and be the “perfect” coach…..and at the expense of my self-care and relationship.
Meanwhile, on Planet Earth, everyone seemed to be going about their merry way.
While on Planet Lisa Marie, my inability to set boundaries had managed to create a tsunami of havoc internally – and left the person I cared about most feeling unimportant.
Boundaries Are Necessary, Healthy and Loving
So, what’s the solution?
What I have discovered works best for me is to go back to the basics – know what I want and be willing to ask for it.
When I do that I’m coming from a place of inner knowing versus reacting to an external circumstance or situation.
When you take the time to identify what you want from the simplest interactions throughout the day – and you let others know, you experience ease and grace.
Life moves with intention and purpose without the chaos of borderless edges.
At the time, I could have set myself up for success by simply letting my husband and my clients know my boundaries and expectations.
And, I could have done it with love.Upside Thinking Boundaries are necessary healthy and loving Feb20 2017 blog post pic
After all, boundaries aren’t used to hurt people.
Quite the opposite.
If they are created thoughtfully, they are a tool to take care of ourselves.
They enable us to stay connected to our big mission and vision for our life.
So, get out your sharpies, crayons, or colored pencils and create healthy boundaries for yourself.
And, know that by doing this, you will not only live your priorities but give others permission to do the same.
Action Item:
The Upside Challenge of the week is to review where you need to set a boundary in your life – and then start building the perimeter. Remember to construct a door as boundaries aren’t supposed to keep others out; they are simply designed to keep us happy, healthy, and whole.
The world needs you and your brilliance so shine on!
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
November 24, 2025
I’m no stranger to awards. I’ve been recognized for the past 25 years, receiving recognition from the National Association of Female Executives, the White House, the Small Business Administration, the International Alliance for Women, the Evolutionary Business Council, Forbes, and more. I’ve gotten awards entitled Rising Star early on in my business to Woman of the Year, the Top 100 Women Making a Difference in the World, and Women in Business Champion of the Year later on. Several years ago, I received two awards that felt different. To see my name on the screen because of my peers was humbling. That was the first award. The 2nd to last award of the evening for this organization was the “Biggest Impact" award. This award wasn’t listed in the programming or marketing of the event. When my name was called, I was awestruck. I took the stage speechless and moved to tears—and not for the reasons most people might have thought. I’ve learned that you can’t outgive God. That’s something I remind the leaders I work with, whether in a retreat, mastermind, or private mentoring conversation. And whenever I give, it comes back to me 100-fold. The conversations I had at the event throughout the evening are ones that I will always remember. So if you feel you don’t fit in … stop making that an excuse to not get involved in something. Show up for others. Even when you don’t feel like it. If we haven’t met, my door is always open. Reach out at any time. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to create space for a conversation you’ve been too busy to have. It maybe someone in your life has gotten your presence, just not your full attention. Show up without performance, without hurry and without distraction. Fifteen minutes. That’s all. Make the time. And let it count.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
November 17, 2025
Leadership requires consciousness and courage. Lots of folks have talent. Yet, it's rare to see a leader with 360-degree awareness who has the courage to stand in the dark places where leadership is often required to go. This is why for years I've shouted from the rooftops that comfort doesn't change the world. (I even have a shirt in the Upside store that has it printed on the back.) Because no matter how many gifts you've been given, or how much raw talent you possess, you can't erase the struggles of the human experience. You can numb. You can follow. Or, you can choose to step up and lead. And doing the latter is the hardest. All day long I'd much rather have all of the autonomy with little to no responsibility. Yet I understand to do that is copping out on the full usage of my divine gifts, abilities, talents, and experiences. I was built to lead. And that means being responsible ... when things go right, and when they don't. Over the years, I've numbed out on mindless TV shows, and unhealthy fast food only to get me further off-course from my divine mission and purpose. Gaining weight and feeling tired were just symptoms of an unhealthy system, and a socially acceptable way to numb. Leadership takes strength and discipline that are rooted in consciousness and courage. Because most folks don't want to be accountable at that level, they'll opt out and choose to follow someone else's lead. That's never been my style. I've learned more from going through hard times than I ever did sitting on Easy Street. The best piece is that you get to choose for yourself. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to choose one thing the future you, the one fully walking in your divine assignment, would do. You already know what it is, that nudge you’ve been feeling. That quiet pull from God asking you to move. Maybe it’s making the call, saying no, saying yes, clearing space to think, or finally following through on what you said mattered. Whatever it is, stop numbing around it. Take the step.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
November 10, 2025
Every so often, I read something that inspires me to be better. After a month of giving to clients at two retreats and working privately with a client through a one-on-one VIP leadership retreat at Summit Hills Farm, this story touches me in a very deep way. Sometimes folks ask me if it's possible to overgive. This story answers that question beautifully. "I asked the leaf whether it was frightened because it was autumn and the other leaves were falling. The leaf told me, "No. During the whole spring and summer, I was completely alive. I worked hard to help nourish the tree, and now much of me is in the tree. I am not limited by this form. I am also the whole tree, and when I go back to the soil, I will continue to nourish the tree. So I don’t worry at all. As I leave this branch and float to the ground, I will wave to the tree and tell her, 'I will see you again very soon'." That day, there was a wind blowing and, after a while, I saw the leaf leave the branch and float down to the soil, dancing joyfully, because as it floated it saw itself already there in the tree. It was so happy. I bowed my head, knowing that I have a lot to learn from the leaf." ~ Thich Nhat Hanh Reading that story reminded me of the leaders I encounter. The ones who give deeply, love fiercely, and show up fully, even when no one’s watching. You may not always see the impact you’re having. You may wonder if it’s too much, or if it even matters. What I know to be true is... Nothing is ever wasted. ~ Every act of service… ~ Every moment of generosity… ~ Every time you choose love over fear… ... It all lives on. Just like the leaf, your presence remains long after the moment passes. What you’ve built and what you’ve become—it stays on. So if you’ve been wondering whether it’s okay to rest, to pause, to let go… It is. Because your leadership is already rooted in what you've poured yourself into. This is the holy space between what was and what’s next. And you, leader, are right on time. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to write one truth you know about leadership or legacy on a sticky note or card. Make it simple and true for you. Maybe it’s… “My presence changes the room.” “I was created to lead with love.” “What I build matters.” And then place it somewhere you’ll see it—your mirror, your journal, the dashboard of your car. Let it meet you in the in-between moments. And let it serve as a reminder of who you are.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
November 3, 2025
For years, Valentine’s Day has been my 2nd favorite holiday after Thanksgiving. Every year, I notice people talking about love and being loving, equating it to what they got from their partner. One year, I wrote a post where I joked around about asking Jim for toilets — which was true. And some folks were horrified. Valentine's Day hasn't been one of my favorite holidays for 4 decades because of the gifts I've received, although I have gotten some spectacular ones. Rather, Valentine's Day offers folks a reminder to see through the lens of love, no matter where they're at or what they're experiencing. LOVE is the vibration I want to operate on 365 days throughout the year. It’s how I want to be REMEMBERED. In a few days, Jim and I will celebrate 21 years of marriage. Yes, 21 years. That kind of time gives you a deeper understanding of what love really is. And it’s not always grand or visible. Being loving and kind isn’t hard to do. And it's not easy, either. It does require intentional choice in every circumstance and situation. Once you set your mind that’s who you want to be, you’ll see opportunities to be loving and kind all day long. Researchers have discovered that you also get what’s called the ‘helper’s high’ when you operate this way… …because acts of altruism trigger the same endorphins as a ‘runner’s high.' What does this look like? Smile. At people you’ve never met. Hold the door open for a stranger. Give BIG hugs to the people you care about most. Say “please” – and say “thank you”. You’d be surprised at how few people actually do. Surprise a friend with a phone call or a gift of appreciation … for no reason other than they were on your mind. Give back and volunteer your time at a colleague’s event, local animal shelter, or soup kitchen. (Yes, they still have those.) Pay for someone’s cup of coffee at the drive-thru or the person standing behind you in line at Starbucks. When I lived in New Jersey, I used to pay for people’s tolls before EZPass came along and took away the fun of it. Go through your closet and donate the clothing you still love, yet haven’t worn in a long time. Look for opportunities to pay someone a compliment – and then do it. You just may make their day. Text or call a loved one just to say, “I’m thinking about you…” Bring your neighbors flowers. Loving-kindness is just a way of being. You don’t need a special day or any holiday for LOVE to show up. And the best leaders get this. So if you want to be the kind of leader who leaves a legacy... Start there. Lead with love. Even when no one’s watching. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to practice one unseen act of loving-kindness. Choose one person in your world — a colleague, neighbor, team member, or friend — and do something kind without telling them it was you. It can be a handwritten note, a small gift, a thoughtful gesture, or an act of service. Then notice how it shifts you — because powerful leadership begins in the places no one else sees.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
November 24, 2025
I’m no stranger to awards. I’ve been recognized for the past 25 years, receiving recognition from the National Association of Female Executives, the White House, the Small Business Administration, the International Alliance for Women, the Evolutionary Business Council, Forbes, and more. I’ve gotten awards entitled Rising Star early on in my business to Woman of the Year, the Top 100 Women Making a Difference in the World, and Women in Business Champion of the Year later on. Several years ago, I received two awards that felt different. To see my name on the screen because of my peers was humbling. That was the first award. The 2nd to last award of the evening for this organization was the “Biggest Impact" award. This award wasn’t listed in the programming or marketing of the event. When my name was called, I was awestruck. I took the stage speechless and moved to tears—and not for the reasons most people might have thought. I’ve learned that you can’t outgive God. That’s something I remind the leaders I work with, whether in a retreat, mastermind, or private mentoring conversation. And whenever I give, it comes back to me 100-fold. The conversations I had at the event throughout the evening are ones that I will always remember. So if you feel you don’t fit in … stop making that an excuse to not get involved in something. Show up for others. Even when you don’t feel like it. If we haven’t met, my door is always open. Reach out at any time. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to create space for a conversation you’ve been too busy to have. It maybe someone in your life has gotten your presence, just not your full attention. Show up without performance, without hurry and without distraction. Fifteen minutes. That’s all. Make the time. And let it count.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
November 17, 2025
Leadership requires consciousness and courage. Lots of folks have talent. Yet, it's rare to see a leader with 360-degree awareness who has the courage to stand in the dark places where leadership is often required to go. This is why for years I've shouted from the rooftops that comfort doesn't change the world. (I even have a shirt in the Upside store that has it printed on the back.) Because no matter how many gifts you've been given, or how much raw talent you possess, you can't erase the struggles of the human experience. You can numb. You can follow. Or, you can choose to step up and lead. And doing the latter is the hardest. All day long I'd much rather have all of the autonomy with little to no responsibility. Yet I understand to do that is copping out on the full usage of my divine gifts, abilities, talents, and experiences. I was built to lead. And that means being responsible ... when things go right, and when they don't. Over the years, I've numbed out on mindless TV shows, and unhealthy fast food only to get me further off-course from my divine mission and purpose. Gaining weight and feeling tired were just symptoms of an unhealthy system, and a socially acceptable way to numb. Leadership takes strength and discipline that are rooted in consciousness and courage. Because most folks don't want to be accountable at that level, they'll opt out and choose to follow someone else's lead. That's never been my style. I've learned more from going through hard times than I ever did sitting on Easy Street. The best piece is that you get to choose for yourself. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to choose one thing the future you, the one fully walking in your divine assignment, would do. You already know what it is, that nudge you’ve been feeling. That quiet pull from God asking you to move. Maybe it’s making the call, saying no, saying yes, clearing space to think, or finally following through on what you said mattered. Whatever it is, stop numbing around it. Take the step.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
November 10, 2025
Every so often, I read something that inspires me to be better. After a month of giving to clients at two retreats and working privately with a client through a one-on-one VIP leadership retreat at Summit Hills Farm, this story touches me in a very deep way. Sometimes folks ask me if it's possible to overgive. This story answers that question beautifully. "I asked the leaf whether it was frightened because it was autumn and the other leaves were falling. The leaf told me, "No. During the whole spring and summer, I was completely alive. I worked hard to help nourish the tree, and now much of me is in the tree. I am not limited by this form. I am also the whole tree, and when I go back to the soil, I will continue to nourish the tree. So I don’t worry at all. As I leave this branch and float to the ground, I will wave to the tree and tell her, 'I will see you again very soon'." That day, there was a wind blowing and, after a while, I saw the leaf leave the branch and float down to the soil, dancing joyfully, because as it floated it saw itself already there in the tree. It was so happy. I bowed my head, knowing that I have a lot to learn from the leaf." ~ Thich Nhat Hanh Reading that story reminded me of the leaders I encounter. The ones who give deeply, love fiercely, and show up fully, even when no one’s watching. You may not always see the impact you’re having. You may wonder if it’s too much, or if it even matters. What I know to be true is... Nothing is ever wasted. ~ Every act of service… ~ Every moment of generosity… ~ Every time you choose love over fear… ... It all lives on. Just like the leaf, your presence remains long after the moment passes. What you’ve built and what you’ve become—it stays on. So if you’ve been wondering whether it’s okay to rest, to pause, to let go… It is. Because your leadership is already rooted in what you've poured yourself into. This is the holy space between what was and what’s next. And you, leader, are right on time. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to write one truth you know about leadership or legacy on a sticky note or card. Make it simple and true for you. Maybe it’s… “My presence changes the room.” “I was created to lead with love.” “What I build matters.” And then place it somewhere you’ll see it—your mirror, your journal, the dashboard of your car. Let it meet you in the in-between moments. And let it serve as a reminder of who you are.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
November 3, 2025
For years, Valentine’s Day has been my 2nd favorite holiday after Thanksgiving. Every year, I notice people talking about love and being loving, equating it to what they got from their partner. One year, I wrote a post where I joked around about asking Jim for toilets — which was true. And some folks were horrified. Valentine's Day hasn't been one of my favorite holidays for 4 decades because of the gifts I've received, although I have gotten some spectacular ones. Rather, Valentine's Day offers folks a reminder to see through the lens of love, no matter where they're at or what they're experiencing. LOVE is the vibration I want to operate on 365 days throughout the year. It’s how I want to be REMEMBERED. In a few days, Jim and I will celebrate 21 years of marriage. Yes, 21 years. That kind of time gives you a deeper understanding of what love really is. And it’s not always grand or visible. Being loving and kind isn’t hard to do. And it's not easy, either. It does require intentional choice in every circumstance and situation. Once you set your mind that’s who you want to be, you’ll see opportunities to be loving and kind all day long. Researchers have discovered that you also get what’s called the ‘helper’s high’ when you operate this way… …because acts of altruism trigger the same endorphins as a ‘runner’s high.' What does this look like? Smile. At people you’ve never met. Hold the door open for a stranger. Give BIG hugs to the people you care about most. Say “please” – and say “thank you”. You’d be surprised at how few people actually do. Surprise a friend with a phone call or a gift of appreciation … for no reason other than they were on your mind. Give back and volunteer your time at a colleague’s event, local animal shelter, or soup kitchen. (Yes, they still have those.) Pay for someone’s cup of coffee at the drive-thru or the person standing behind you in line at Starbucks. When I lived in New Jersey, I used to pay for people’s tolls before EZPass came along and took away the fun of it. Go through your closet and donate the clothing you still love, yet haven’t worn in a long time. Look for opportunities to pay someone a compliment – and then do it. You just may make their day. Text or call a loved one just to say, “I’m thinking about you…” Bring your neighbors flowers. Loving-kindness is just a way of being. You don’t need a special day or any holiday for LOVE to show up. And the best leaders get this. So if you want to be the kind of leader who leaves a legacy... Start there. Lead with love. Even when no one’s watching. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to practice one unseen act of loving-kindness. Choose one person in your world — a colleague, neighbor, team member, or friend — and do something kind without telling them it was you. It can be a handwritten note, a small gift, a thoughtful gesture, or an act of service. Then notice how it shifts you — because powerful leadership begins in the places no one else sees.
