Why Boundaries Are Necessary, Healthy and Loving

Living moment by moment sounds as if it would be a natural thing to do. Countless books have been written on the topic ... and there are seminars that tout the advantages. Yet as someone who has been in the field of leadership for over three decades, living one moment at a time isn't celebrated. The leaders I've worked with have been well-trained to plan for the future, and time block their life away. Rarely do they listen to what they're being asked to do in this moment. And because of it, they neglect their loved ones ... their spouses, partners, children, pets, and those they say they cherish most. Watching this pains me greatly. Even when I get to invest time working with someone and their family, I watch how easily they can be taken off course by an interruption like a phone call or social media ding on their phone. Living moment by moment isn't a nice thing to do; it's an imperative. It's a blueprint outlined in every religious text that exists. When you live like this, you cast your fears aside and can see what is most important. When you don't live like this, you run around from fire to fire, stressed out and at your wits end. I've watched people I love tell me that this is the only way they know how to live. And I understand. For years, I thought I had to live like that, too, believing leadership was about who got the most done the fastest. Leadership is about who you are being when you are doing what you are doing. You cannot lead others if you cannot effectively lead yourself. And you can't lead yourself anyplace good if your house is not in order. Every. Single. Corner. Internally and externally. That's why the world is in such a shambles. Folks read self-help, motivational books to feel good and tout off happy phrases rather than doing the hard work of looking in the mirror and seeing what may be out of alignment. Leadership is about works, and the roots produce the fruit. The only way to do this is to live One Moment At A Time. One moment lived with intention restores order where chaos once ruled. Choose this moment well, and you choose the life you were always meant to lead. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to own the first ten minutes of your morning. Before you reach for your phone, your inbox, or the noise of the world, pause. Breathe. Notice the space around you. Write down what truly matters today. Start your day by leading this one moment intentionally.

In September 1985 I started my junior year in high school. While I didn't hang out with the most popular bunch, I wasn't considered an outcast either. Perhaps that's one of the places where I learned how to build bridges. Because of it, when I ran for Student Council, much to my own disbelief, I was elected to something. This led to my first official initiation into formal leadership training. While I had taken on roles in school running organizations or organizing projects, this felt like I was officially sanctioned as a leader. I was "doing" leadership. Only leadership isn't something you do, it's something you have to be. You either are a leader or you're not. Lots of folks with titles walk around believing they are a leader or have a lot of knowledge about the topic. Leadership requires wisdom, and wisdom comes from experience. Experience doesn't come from books or even doing. It comes from an inner aptitude when you connect with a purpose that's greater than you. It took me years to understand this ... and many more to be able to share how to get there. That’s the thread that runs through everything I do, including the work we explore in the F Cadre. It’s the work of being the kind of leader who moves life itself. The world will always have opinions about who you should be and what you should chase. And the work that matters asks only that you tune in and follow the pull of what truly matters. Leadership shows up in the person who feels it all, and keeps moving forward. That is where everything worth leading and living begins. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to make space for what truly matters—literally. Declutter one small space today (desk, inbox, calendar) and use that as a literal reflection of making room for what truly matters Let that small act remind you: real leadership, real purpose, and real growth always start in the space you choose to make.

I've had the tendency to idolize my mentors. I would look past their imperfections, wanting only to see goodness in them. Don't make the same mistake I did. Mentors are just imperfect beings on the same journey you're on, and they've gleaned some wisdom from their missteps that can help you advance faster on your journey. That's the benefit of private coaching. And why I offer so little of it. I used to think I wanted to help everyone ... and that everyone had a problem that I could help them solve. That was a bit unrealistic—and dare I say, arrogant. Today I've got clarity around who I will work with—and who I won't. And it has less to do with their personal aptitude and more about their personal attitude towards God and a willingness to understand Divine Right Timing. You can't outgive God. I'm a living proof of that. What I have today did not come from striving harder or positioning myself in the spotlight. It came from obedience layered over time. ~ From saying yes when it was inconvenient. ~ From giving when the numbers did not justify it. ~ From trusting God with my pace, my work, and my future. I own several hundred acres of land across three states—and grew up in a household where money did not flow freely. My first year working in Federal law enforcement I made less than $25,000 a year. There was no visible pathway from there to here. And every time I’ve tried to outwork Him, outmaneuver Him, or rush what wasn’t ripe, I’ve paid for it in exhaustion and misalignment. Yet, every time I’ve trusted Him, honored timing, and given from obedience rather than fear, the return has exceeded anything I could have engineered. Yes, some things don't make sense, yet when you map out a God plan, you don't try to do all of the heavy lifting yourself. And that takes a different kind of Leader. Someone who doesn't need to be on center stage 24x7. That’s the framework I lead from. That’s the lens I coach through. Because the world needs you and your brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to give God room to lead. Look at one area of your work or leadership where you’ve been forcing results. Stop trying to control it. Step back and ask God to guide your next move. Take one real action: delegate, pause before deciding, or simply wait on His direction. Watch how alignment show up when you stop doing all the heavy lifting yourself. Lastly, share what you discover with me, your mentor, or someone close to you. Speaking it aloud helps you see your next move clearly and step into it with confidence.