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To Be a Great Leader You Need to Utilize Emotional Intelligence
Lisa Marie Platske • Oct 25, 2018
Whenever Jim and I are out and about, and we see someone behave in a way that is rude or unkind, one of us will always offer another side to consider.
As someone who has experienced a lot of trauma and hurt in life, I’ve seen what a lack of emotional intelligence can do in heated situations.
From my work as a Federal law enforcement officer, I’ve learned that one of the most important leadership capabilities great leaders possess is emotional intelligence.
Defined as “the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically,” the term emotional intelligence or EQ was created by two researches and popularized by Daniel Goleman with the release of his book in 1996 on the topic.
I remember reading it in my master’s program and thinking, “This is brilliant – and I’ve got work to do.”
Intellectually, you may get that taking swings at someone with your words just causes more hurt, however, developing EQ takes intention and action to develop because it involves feelings and is centered in the ancient brain center.
This means you can’t try to develop EQ skills in a cognitive (academic) manner the same way you develop your intelligence quotient or executive function which is centered in the prefrontal cortex.
EQ works in partnership with cognitive skills – and you need both to be successful.
Out-of-control emotions deprive people of their cognitive decision-making which is one of the reasons the importance of EQ increases as someone’s career advances or they become more influential.
Studies have shown that emotional competence is twice as important as technical competence for mid-level executives.
For top-level executives, 90% success comes from emotional competency.
The single cognitive competence shown to make a significant career difference is the ability for “big picture” thinking or what Kouzes and Posner refer to as being a “visionary” leader.
EQ or Emotional Intelligence is comprised of Personal Competence and Social Competence, and has 5 dimensions with 25 associated competencies.
The 1st dimension of EQ in personal competence (or ability to handle ourselves) is self-awareness.
What I find fascinating is you can be incredibly self-aware – and accurately assess your own emotional awareness and be incredibly self-confident, and never move into the 2nd dimension of self-regulation where you are able to manage your emotions.
Being a leader worth following has many challenges as you must often deal with difficult people, and sometimes you’re the lone voice for positive change in the world.
One of my favorite quotes sums up emotional intelligence: “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” – Martin Luther King Jr. – and I think it sums up emotional intelligence.
Martin Luther King, Jr. modeled the behavior he called for in others recognizing it’s not valuable to take a stand against the harsh words of others using harsh words ourselves.
Ultimately, great leaders who are worth following are emotionally intelligent beings who listen to others, learn from their mistakes, love people for who they are, and forgive themselves and others for their mistakes and misgivings.
Action:
The Upside Challenge of the week is to think about your own emotional intelligence or EQ. Have you moved beyond self-awareness and mastered the 2nd dimension of self-regulation?
People follow the person first, then their great plan.
Be a leader worth following.
The world needs you and your brilliance.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
02 May, 2024
Today, I'll be diving deeper into the vital role that coaches, mentors, and supportive friends play in guiding us through times of transition and growth. When you find yourself in the midst of change, uncertainty, or a major life transition, it can be tempting to try to go it alone. We may feel that asking for help is a sign of weakness. The truth is, we all need guidance and support at various points in our lives and careers. Think about a time when you were faced with a significant challenge or decision. How did you navigate that situation? Did you try to figure it out on your own, or did you reach out to trusted friends, family members, or professionals for support? I can attest from my own experience that having the right people in your corner can make all the difference. When I was going through the twists and turns of growing my business and figuring out my next steps, I leaned heavily on my coaches, mentors, and close friends. One of the coaches who has been particularly impactful in my life is Ryan Stewman . Ryan has helped countless entrepreneurs and sales professionals break through their barriers and achieve greater success. Through his coaching and guidance, he's helped me gain clarity on my vision, improve my sales and marketing strategies, and stay motivated and focused even when the path ahead seemed unclear. Another invaluable resource has been Lumenaria E. Goyer , a fellow coach and healer. Lumenaria has a unique ability to help people tap into their deepest truths and unlock their full potential. Her insights and support have been instrumental in my personal growth and development, enabling me to show up more authentically in my business and in my relationships. And then there's Neville Joffe , a business and cash flow strategist who has become a trusted mentor and friend. Neville has a wealth of experience and a keen analytical mind, and he's helped me navigate complex challenges, make difficult decisions, and stay grounded during times of rapid change and expansion. Finally, I have to give a shout-out to my dear friend Cody Toussau . Cody is a fellow entrepreneur, and he's been a constant source of encouragement, wisdom, and accountability for me. He's the one I turn to when I need a fresh perspective, or a gentle push to keep moving forward. These are just a few of the incredible people who have helped me find my way through life's roundabouts. I know I'm not alone. We all need that kind of support and guidance at various points in our lives. So, the question is, who are the people in your life that can help you navigate the twists and turns you're facing? And if you're not sure where to start, feel free to reach out to me. I'd be honored to listen to your story, offer my perspective, and connect you with resources and people who can support you on your journey. Because the world needs you, and your light deserves to shine brightly. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to evaluate and strengthen your personal circle of support: Reflect on the major decisions or growth edges you currently have in your life and work. Honestly assess any gaps in the support and wisdom you require. Then, make a list of the coaches, mentors, friends and advisors who currently provide guidance. Also, reach out to potential new mentors, join a mastermind group, explore coaching programs, or get vulnerable with friends about needing their perspective. Invest effort this week into building up your personal circle of guides - the diverse voices who can provide support. The world needs your brilliance, shining even brighter from walking alongside these lights.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
29 Apr, 2024
Have you ever found yourself driving through an unfamiliar town, only to come across a peculiar intersection - a roundabout? I remember the first time I encountered one when I was living in New Jersey. At first, it seemed completely foreign and counterintuitive to me. Instead of a traditional four-way stop or traffic light, you simply entered this circular intersection and had to navigate your way around it, exiting onto the road you needed to take. The experience of driving through a roundabout is a lot like the journey of life itself. You're moving forward, but not in a straight line. It can feel disorienting, especially when you're not used to it. Just like navigating a roundabout, life is full of twists and turns, moments where we have to make decisions and change direction. You may find yourself asking questions like, ~ Where am I going? ~ Where am I called to be? ~ Who am I called to be? ~ How do I get where I want to go when I can't see clearly? It's in those times of uncertainty and change that we need people in our lives who can help us see what we can't see for ourselves. That's why I'm so grateful for the coaches, mentors, and friends who have walked alongside me, especially during the times of transition and growth in my own life and business. So, who are the people in your life that help you navigate the roundabouts? The world needs your brilliance, your light, your unique gifts. And you don't have to shine that light alone. Surround yourself with people who can see what you can't, who can offer guidance and support as you navigate life's roundabouts. In my next newsletter, I'll be diving deeper into the vital role that coaches, mentors, and supportive friends play in guiding us through times of transition and growth. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to identify the guides who can help you through life's roundabouts. Identify 1-2 people (coaches, mentors, friends) already in your life who can provide that guidance. Commit to leaning on them this week. If you lack key guides, take action to find them - research coaches/programs, join a mastermind, get honest with a wise friend about needing their perspective. Remember, the world needs your brilliance, and you'll shine even brighter with the right people illuminating the path beside you. Take steps this week to surround yourself with guides for this season.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
25 Apr, 2024
As I wandered the serene paths of the farm, my mind couldn't help but drift to the profound words of Kahlil Gibran in his masterpiece, The Prophet. The soft glow of the moon illuminated the vibrant wisdom echoing through my soul from his lines: "Do not live half a life... and do not die a half death. If you choose silence, then be silent. When you speak, do so until you are finished. If you accept, then express it bluntly. Do not mask it. If you refuse, then be clear about it, for an ambiguous refusal is but a weak acceptance. Do not accept half a solution. Do not believe half truths. Do not dream half a dream. Do not fantasize about half hopes. Half the way will get you nowhere. You are a whole that exists to live a life, not half a life." Gibran's words resonate deeply, compelling me to ask myself... ~ What are the ways in which I have been living half a life? ~ Have I truly been using 100% of my gifts, abilities, talents, and experiences? ~ Have I expressed myself fully in all areas of my life? Gibran's wisdom compels us to confront ourselves honestly. We cannot delude ourselves with half-truths or fantasize about half-hopes. To live authentically demands complete commitment - a wholehearted embrace of our purpose and passion. The great poet reminds us that such an approach leads nowhere. We are meant for greatness, to live lives that shake the universe. Each of us carries our own brilliance. When we show up halfway, the world loses apiece of the mosaic it longs for. So let this be your charge - to live with such passion that the world cannot help but be forever changed by your presence. For in the end, that is the greatest measure of a life well-lived. Remember... The World Needs You and Your Brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to choose one creative project or expressive outlet and devote concentrated time to it with your full self. Whether it's writing, painting, dancing, singing, building something with your hands - pick a creative pursuit that lights you up. Make it your priority practice. Block off 2-3 hour time chunks to immerse yourself completely in the creative flow without distractions or multitasking. Show up 100% focused and express yourself boldly through this medium. When you naturally start to lose momentum or inspiration, stop and reflect in your journal. What did this experience of whole-hearted creating teach you? How can you apply that energy to other areas of your life? Your brilliance shines through full creative expression.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
22 Apr, 2024
Are you capable of disagreeing without contempt? Very few people truly are. One of the greatest flaws inhibiting great leadership is not being capable of having a civil disagreement. As Utah Governor Spencer Cox stated when he became chair of the National Governors Association, "Our country is deeply divided. We are facing a toxic debate unlike anything that we've seen since the Civil War...we have to find a better way." Cox didn't tell Americans to simply agree with each other. Instead, he acknowledged that healthy debates are "essential to a functioning political system." The critical point he made is that we must learn to disagree with less hostility. The ability to do this boils down to three key factors : Separating Leadership from Title True leaders don't let their position or authority make them think they are above disagreement or criticism. They understand that honest debates and differing perspectives are vital for growth, innovation and credible decision-making. True leadership is a calling, not a title. 2.aMastering Emotional Intelligence The best leaders have mastered this. They don't take criticisms or opposing viewpoints as personal affronts. They can engage debates without getting emotional or lashing out defensively. 3.aRaising the Level of Discourse The greatest leaders understand the vital need for respectful disagreement. They can passionately argue their stance without devolving into contempt for those who disagree. They stay focused on the issues instead of making it an ego battle over who is right or wrong. Through their example, they raise the level of discourse. Now, why are all these so important? Because despite our differences, the world desperately needs each person's unique brilliance and contributions. So take a look at how you handle disagreement and criticism. Do you fight contempt with more contempt? Or can you maintain poise and discuss opposing views rationally and respectfully? If we sat down for just 10 minutes, I could show you what to look for and how to develop this skill yourself. Because at the end of the day, you get to control how you respond when disagreements arise. Always check yourself before you wreck yourself. Control your emotions; don't let them control you. The best leaders get this. Remember... the world needs you and your brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge of the week is to practice disagreeing without contempt. Notice when you find yourself in disagreement with someone - whether a close relation, colleague, public figure, etc. Before reacting, pause and get grounded. Check your emotional state and get in control of your reactions. State your differing view respectfully and try to understand the other perspective. Afterwards, reflect on how well you were able to disagree without devolving into bickering or hostility. What can you learn? Practice this critical skill this week.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
02 May, 2024
Today, I'll be diving deeper into the vital role that coaches, mentors, and supportive friends play in guiding us through times of transition and growth. When you find yourself in the midst of change, uncertainty, or a major life transition, it can be tempting to try to go it alone. We may feel that asking for help is a sign of weakness. The truth is, we all need guidance and support at various points in our lives and careers. Think about a time when you were faced with a significant challenge or decision. How did you navigate that situation? Did you try to figure it out on your own, or did you reach out to trusted friends, family members, or professionals for support? I can attest from my own experience that having the right people in your corner can make all the difference. When I was going through the twists and turns of growing my business and figuring out my next steps, I leaned heavily on my coaches, mentors, and close friends. One of the coaches who has been particularly impactful in my life is Ryan Stewman . Ryan has helped countless entrepreneurs and sales professionals break through their barriers and achieve greater success. Through his coaching and guidance, he's helped me gain clarity on my vision, improve my sales and marketing strategies, and stay motivated and focused even when the path ahead seemed unclear. Another invaluable resource has been Lumenaria E. Goyer , a fellow coach and healer. Lumenaria has a unique ability to help people tap into their deepest truths and unlock their full potential. Her insights and support have been instrumental in my personal growth and development, enabling me to show up more authentically in my business and in my relationships. And then there's Neville Joffe , a business and cash flow strategist who has become a trusted mentor and friend. Neville has a wealth of experience and a keen analytical mind, and he's helped me navigate complex challenges, make difficult decisions, and stay grounded during times of rapid change and expansion. Finally, I have to give a shout-out to my dear friend Cody Toussau . Cody is a fellow entrepreneur, and he's been a constant source of encouragement, wisdom, and accountability for me. He's the one I turn to when I need a fresh perspective, or a gentle push to keep moving forward. These are just a few of the incredible people who have helped me find my way through life's roundabouts. I know I'm not alone. We all need that kind of support and guidance at various points in our lives. So, the question is, who are the people in your life that can help you navigate the twists and turns you're facing? And if you're not sure where to start, feel free to reach out to me. I'd be honored to listen to your story, offer my perspective, and connect you with resources and people who can support you on your journey. Because the world needs you, and your light deserves to shine brightly. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to evaluate and strengthen your personal circle of support: Reflect on the major decisions or growth edges you currently have in your life and work. Honestly assess any gaps in the support and wisdom you require. Then, make a list of the coaches, mentors, friends and advisors who currently provide guidance. Also, reach out to potential new mentors, join a mastermind group, explore coaching programs, or get vulnerable with friends about needing their perspective. Invest effort this week into building up your personal circle of guides - the diverse voices who can provide support. The world needs your brilliance, shining even brighter from walking alongside these lights.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
29 Apr, 2024
Have you ever found yourself driving through an unfamiliar town, only to come across a peculiar intersection - a roundabout? I remember the first time I encountered one when I was living in New Jersey. At first, it seemed completely foreign and counterintuitive to me. Instead of a traditional four-way stop or traffic light, you simply entered this circular intersection and had to navigate your way around it, exiting onto the road you needed to take. The experience of driving through a roundabout is a lot like the journey of life itself. You're moving forward, but not in a straight line. It can feel disorienting, especially when you're not used to it. Just like navigating a roundabout, life is full of twists and turns, moments where we have to make decisions and change direction. You may find yourself asking questions like, ~ Where am I going? ~ Where am I called to be? ~ Who am I called to be? ~ How do I get where I want to go when I can't see clearly? It's in those times of uncertainty and change that we need people in our lives who can help us see what we can't see for ourselves. That's why I'm so grateful for the coaches, mentors, and friends who have walked alongside me, especially during the times of transition and growth in my own life and business. So, who are the people in your life that help you navigate the roundabouts? The world needs your brilliance, your light, your unique gifts. And you don't have to shine that light alone. Surround yourself with people who can see what you can't, who can offer guidance and support as you navigate life's roundabouts. In my next newsletter, I'll be diving deeper into the vital role that coaches, mentors, and supportive friends play in guiding us through times of transition and growth. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to identify the guides who can help you through life's roundabouts. Identify 1-2 people (coaches, mentors, friends) already in your life who can provide that guidance. Commit to leaning on them this week. If you lack key guides, take action to find them - research coaches/programs, join a mastermind, get honest with a wise friend about needing their perspective. Remember, the world needs your brilliance, and you'll shine even brighter with the right people illuminating the path beside you. Take steps this week to surround yourself with guides for this season.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
25 Apr, 2024
As I wandered the serene paths of the farm, my mind couldn't help but drift to the profound words of Kahlil Gibran in his masterpiece, The Prophet. The soft glow of the moon illuminated the vibrant wisdom echoing through my soul from his lines: "Do not live half a life... and do not die a half death. If you choose silence, then be silent. When you speak, do so until you are finished. If you accept, then express it bluntly. Do not mask it. If you refuse, then be clear about it, for an ambiguous refusal is but a weak acceptance. Do not accept half a solution. Do not believe half truths. Do not dream half a dream. Do not fantasize about half hopes. Half the way will get you nowhere. You are a whole that exists to live a life, not half a life." Gibran's words resonate deeply, compelling me to ask myself... ~ What are the ways in which I have been living half a life? ~ Have I truly been using 100% of my gifts, abilities, talents, and experiences? ~ Have I expressed myself fully in all areas of my life? Gibran's wisdom compels us to confront ourselves honestly. We cannot delude ourselves with half-truths or fantasize about half-hopes. To live authentically demands complete commitment - a wholehearted embrace of our purpose and passion. The great poet reminds us that such an approach leads nowhere. We are meant for greatness, to live lives that shake the universe. Each of us carries our own brilliance. When we show up halfway, the world loses apiece of the mosaic it longs for. So let this be your charge - to live with such passion that the world cannot help but be forever changed by your presence. For in the end, that is the greatest measure of a life well-lived. Remember... The World Needs You and Your Brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to choose one creative project or expressive outlet and devote concentrated time to it with your full self. Whether it's writing, painting, dancing, singing, building something with your hands - pick a creative pursuit that lights you up. Make it your priority practice. Block off 2-3 hour time chunks to immerse yourself completely in the creative flow without distractions or multitasking. Show up 100% focused and express yourself boldly through this medium. When you naturally start to lose momentum or inspiration, stop and reflect in your journal. What did this experience of whole-hearted creating teach you? How can you apply that energy to other areas of your life? Your brilliance shines through full creative expression.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
22 Apr, 2024
Are you capable of disagreeing without contempt? Very few people truly are. One of the greatest flaws inhibiting great leadership is not being capable of having a civil disagreement. As Utah Governor Spencer Cox stated when he became chair of the National Governors Association, "Our country is deeply divided. We are facing a toxic debate unlike anything that we've seen since the Civil War...we have to find a better way." Cox didn't tell Americans to simply agree with each other. Instead, he acknowledged that healthy debates are "essential to a functioning political system." The critical point he made is that we must learn to disagree with less hostility. The ability to do this boils down to three key factors : Separating Leadership from Title True leaders don't let their position or authority make them think they are above disagreement or criticism. They understand that honest debates and differing perspectives are vital for growth, innovation and credible decision-making. True leadership is a calling, not a title. 2.aMastering Emotional Intelligence The best leaders have mastered this. They don't take criticisms or opposing viewpoints as personal affronts. They can engage debates without getting emotional or lashing out defensively. 3.aRaising the Level of Discourse The greatest leaders understand the vital need for respectful disagreement. They can passionately argue their stance without devolving into contempt for those who disagree. They stay focused on the issues instead of making it an ego battle over who is right or wrong. Through their example, they raise the level of discourse. Now, why are all these so important? Because despite our differences, the world desperately needs each person's unique brilliance and contributions. So take a look at how you handle disagreement and criticism. Do you fight contempt with more contempt? Or can you maintain poise and discuss opposing views rationally and respectfully? If we sat down for just 10 minutes, I could show you what to look for and how to develop this skill yourself. Because at the end of the day, you get to control how you respond when disagreements arise. Always check yourself before you wreck yourself. Control your emotions; don't let them control you. The best leaders get this. Remember... the world needs you and your brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge of the week is to practice disagreeing without contempt. Notice when you find yourself in disagreement with someone - whether a close relation, colleague, public figure, etc. Before reacting, pause and get grounded. Check your emotional state and get in control of your reactions. State your differing view respectfully and try to understand the other perspective. Afterwards, reflect on how well you were able to disagree without devolving into bickering or hostility. What can you learn? Practice this critical skill this week.
Upside Your Business & Your Life!
