Before we were married my husband and I signed up for and attended a marriage preparation experience with Catholic Engaged Encounter.
Their motto is “a wedding is a day, marriage is a lifetime.”
On this weekend retreat away with other engaged couples, you’re given the opportunity to talk openly and honestly.
There are countless opportunities to discuss your goals and attitudes about money, sex, shared responsibilities, children, work, family, and more.
This open dialogue is designed to give you the opportunity to get a window into what being married for a lifetime would look like before you say your vows.
What struck me most about my weekend was how everything centered around commitment.
The definition of commitment is to be “dedicated to a cause or activity.”
Being dedicated to another person’s wants or needs felt daunting, yet I was clear that Jim was my other half, my soul’s missing piece as I was always better when we were together.
Over the past 18 years, we’ve had countess conversations about commitment.
And, throughout my life, I’ve discovered that the most important element for success in any area of my life, not just marriage, is commitment.
What am I fully committed to doing?
Who am I fully committed to being?
How am I fully committed?
This is having a vision that’s so clear that you understand that there is no Plan B.
It also means putting time, energy, and money towards the realization of that vision for your life.
Too often people think they’ve got to work harder, muscle through something and struggle in order to succeed.
All that does is lead to burnout, missing out on time with loved ones, and feeling physically and mentally exhausted.
When I look back at my business, oh how I wish I would have had a “Business Encounter” like the marriage preparation experience to get fully aligned!
I can see the places in my business where I’ve been fully committed – all in – and far surpassed even my own expectations.
A few examples include having a successful leadership event for 12 years, writing 5 books – three of which are international best sellers in as many as 5 countries– and contributing to 2 other international best-selling books, and getting my master’s degree in 18 months with a 4.9 GPA while working a full-time job in Federal law enforcement.
I was 100% committed and have countless examples of what this looks like in my life.
And, if I’m honest, there are also other areas of my life where I’ve not been fully committed and it shows.
Like my physical health.
2019 was a tough year for this as I wavered in various start-stop patterns at the gym and with my eating habits.
Design Your Destiny Live gives me a once a year snapshot of how I’ve been doing honoring my health commitments.
I can see the extra weight in the photos even if it’s just a few stray pounds from lack of commitment to working out or eating fewer French fries. (smile)
Ultimately, this is about commitment so I’ve had to go back and get curious about why I’ve been struggling with this commitment to myself.
The formula for commitment is simple – Choice, Direction, Commitment, and Consistent Action.
It never changes.
What does change is our level of energy, courage in honest examination, and our self-compassion as we walk through the stages of the formula.
There is a space between first making a decision, choosing which way to go, and full blown commitment.
And, once you make a commitment, consistent action is always easier.
It’s a downhill slide.
With my health I could see I had been stuck in the space, not fully committing to what I said I wanted, and now I can see why.
To get to full commitment you’re willing to get curious about where you are and why.
Are you struggling with the choice? Does this choice align with your values?
Or, is it the direction?
Or, is there something about making this commitment that feels daunting?
Remember, success in every area of your life starts with and depends on your commitment.
What do you want?
And, what are you waiting for?!?
The Upside Challenge of the week is to identify where you might benefit from reflecting on your commitment?
Follow the questions in this article from a place of curiosity.
If you find yourself stuck at any point, reach out to me directly – or a trusted advisor.
The world needs you and your brilliance.